Diane said I need a haircut, but she won’t tell me which one …
Category Archives: Mostly True
Out On My Own !!
Today I drove farther, and longer than I have in months, and months. Usually I’m only allowed to drive down to ACE and back on any given day, multiple times if necessary, which is usually the case. But it’s not very far … under a mile … doesn’t really count as a “trip”, if you know what I mean.
Normally when I leave the house I’m with Diane and she drives everywhere, all the time. She told me that when we’re together she’s a better driver than a passenger. Consequently, I’ve become the consummate passenger any time we go anywhere together. And that’s OK. I’m good with that because it gives me lots of time to fiddle with my gizmos. For some of you that may have a totally different meaning than the one intended. Since I can’t totally control which way your mind bends, you’ll have to work that out yourselves.
Today I drove all the way over to Clackamas Town Center to assist with a personal issue for someone about which I’ve been forbidden to speak, so I won’t. Suffice it to say that I drove, both ways, without mishap, although I was seriously tempted to run over a Kia Soul whose driver chose to cut into traffic at bad times, then almost stop in the traffic lane in front of me to cut over again. Very irritating. But, I swallowed my urges and let her continue on her wave after a beep and a friendly wave thinking that perhaps she had a more dire need to reach her destination than I was to reach mine.
Or, she was totally frustrated by the traffic that she has to deal with every day, with her 2 hour commute, that she’s not concerned about anyone else on the freeway. This probably all stems from the fact that, due to the economy, she was downsized from the business close to her home, where she worked for the past 15 years, and had to find another job to support the home she purchased because the area was nice, and the job was good. The new job is 40 miles away, accessible only by congested roads and freeways because her boss doesn’t believe in flex hours that would allow her to beat the traffic both ways. Or, perhaps, she had to work overtime today to make up for being late yesterday.
More than likely, this being Friday and all, she was in a hurry to get home so shave her legs because she has a blind date tonight and didn’t want to give a bad first impression, just in case.
Thinking about that makes me wonder why a woman would shave her legs when going out on a date with anyone for the first time. Is there a need for a woman to ensure that her date is aware that she recently shaved her legs, or is it simply a matter of hygiene? Do their legs feel “dirty” if they don’t shave them, or do they itch? I’ve never shaved my legs so don’t know the answers to these questions. I can, however, tell you about shaving for a vasectomy, but I won’t. Diane would get cranky at me, I’m sure. Besides, it wasn’t for me, it was for a friend of mine. Really. It was.
Now that I’m home safe, Diane and I are sitting on our porch waiting for it to rain. It probably won’t, but we’ll wait anyway because it’s cooler out here than in the house even though all the doors and windows are open. Every once in a while a hummingbird will fly up and buzz around a few feet away to check us out. They feel safe when we’re out here and they probably know the cat is in the yard, far away from them.
Ozzie is on a diet because he started looking like a little porker. Jennie said I was feeding him too much so I cut his pouch food rations in half. He doesn’t seem to mind, so far, but I have suspicions that while we’re sleeping at night he sticks his but in our faces. Since I sleep with a CPAP machine, I’m not too concerned, but Diane doesn’t. If I was her, I’d be worried, because I know Oz heard her agree with Jennie. The fact that I’m the culprit who carried out the cut back is immaterial at this point so he takes revenge where he can. I’m sure.
The battery on my laptop is about to run dry so I better quit while I can still save this. It’s vital to everyone that I get this out in the ozone where they can snag it out of the air and waste their precious time reading it. I’d equate it to a computer virus that causes people to spend time doing something they really don’t want to do in order to resurrect their computers in order to read drivel like this. Now, aren’t you happy you made it this far?
Cheers
Golfing, Rocks, and the USN
Today I rediscovered why I generally do not golf more than 9 holes on any given day. It’s because I get a little giddy after the ninth hole, like you do when you’ve been awake for a couple of days, and everything is funny, even when it really isn’t. Still, it was a fun time that I really enjoyed, and I’ll probably do it again. We used a cart and I’m still stiff and sore.
I was treated to this experience by by friend and classmate, Jimbo. He’s married to Sue, in case you didn’t know, and owns a business that supplies pretty much every kind of appliance known to mankind to pretty much every hotel/motel chain in the free world. Oh, he supplies DVDs, too. Consequently, he’s doing quite well in the business world. You check his stuff out on his Hospitality Supplies web site. If you see something you like, let me know and I’ll see if I can get you a discount. No guarantees, but who knows?
To start the day out a dump truck arrived bright and early to deliver a pile of rocks we ordered yesterday. Diane insisted. They’re for the ditch by the garage that I need to expand a bit, and ensure it’s actually slopped correctly so the water runs away from the driveway. To do this I’ve been given permission to rent a mini excavator from Don’s Rental! That’s going to be so much fun that I might just dig up way more dirt than necessary to “get it right.” I suppose I could dig it out with my poleasky and a shovel but that’s, like, work. The excavator will be way more fun.
I think the final plans have been made for our reunion for the USS Dennis J. Buckley (DD-808) at the end of this month. It’s going to be in San Diego. Diane and I were responsible for arranging everything and it’s turning out to be the biggest reunion this ship has ever had. It’s really amazing. There will be 131 people there. In 2010, in Buffalo, NY, there were 40 or so. The last bit to be finalized was the tour buses to get everyone from point to point without losing any of them. This ship was commissioned in 1944 and decommissioned in 1973, so even those who were aboard in 1973 are old now. One individual, who is coming, was aboard from 1948 to 1954. Pretty amazing.
Diane put the dogs on alert that it’s OK to rouse me a bit early tomorrow, since I have to get up early anyway, to get the equipment I need in the morning. So, it’s time to quit.
The Long Road Home and Television Deprivation
It rained last night and got everything wet so we decided it was a good time to pack up everything and go home. So did the other 852,643 people who spent their weekend in Long Beach, Washington for the Rod Run. It was a brutal trip that took almost 5 hours. Normally it only takes about 3 because it’s only, like, 80 miles away.
Initially, it was the crowd going across the Astoria-Megler Bridge which is 4.1 miles long. The link is to the webcam on that bridge. It took us about an hour to cross it, just idling along, using lots of gas. Once across the bridge we stopped to eat some dead chicken in a parking lot, then joined the throngs exiting that Scandinavian hot spot for more hospitable climes to the east. The trip through town was at walking speed, then once through we came to a complete and utter stop for no apparent reason. Traffic kept coming our toward us for the 2.5 hours we crept along, but we remained at a standstill for most of that time. Had it not been for Jennie, who was in Rainier at Lydia’s ball games, which we intended to attend, we’d never known that it was a rollover accident just below Bradley State Park. By the time we arrived at the scene it had all been cleaned up. Then the traffic picked up and moved along at it’s normal 55-85 mph pace. Interesting how that works. The traffic was backed up at least 20 miles, with no respite, or alternate route once a driver had committed himmerherself. We all just toughed it out like good Oregonians do. Even when there was a passing lane, no one tried to pass because they knew it would incur the wrath of everyone else on the mostly two land highway. No one got mad and blew their horns, no one yelled … we just piddled along knowing it would eventually end. And it did.
The dogs were really happy to get home. They missed their yard and immediately glistened it with spots of urine as if to say, “I’m home!” I have no doubt those bits of lawn will respond greenly to the nitrogen-rich applications. They always do. It’s unfortunate that they can’t distribute it a little more evenly to bless the portions of lawn not blessed with a direct hit. There are lots, and lots of those.
Though Diane and I are also very happy to be home, we controlled ourselves and did not urinate in the yard. Instead, we emptied the RV of things that would spoil if we ignored it. We felt it was important to not ignore it which would result in a mess the next time we decided to load the refrigerator for a trip. It would be ugly.
Since we only had two fuzzy TV channels during our absence, we turned on all four of our TVs so we wouldn’t miss anything as we roamed from room to room, touching all the things that we missed the most over the past three.seventyfive days. Had we but known, we could have taken one of our many DirecTV receivers and connected it to the permanently mounted satellite antenna on Barnes’ modified single wide. That would have been sweet and Diane wouldn’t have missed a single event of anything on HGTV.
Did you know that most of the programs on HGTV are hosted by, produced by, and filmed by aliens? It’s true. They all Canadians and everyone knows that all aliens are from Canada. I know this because I went to High School with one of them and his ID card identified him as an Alien. It said it, right there on the US Government ID card, so it has to be true, right? Everyone else living in this country, who wasn’t born here, is called an immigrant, illegal or otherwise.
I feel that this’s a good point to stop, so I will.
Rod Run To The End Of The World & Tuna Fish
It’s cold here! Yesterday it was about 90 when we played golf, but today it’s only about 48 or so. Really. It is. What a difference a day makes … from sweating non-stop to sweat socks.
Yesterday we connected with our friends Gary and Cindy who live about 2 miles from us, on the other side of the Columbia River. Gary and I were stationed on the USS Cleveland at different times, but we’re still shipmates. We got to know them in San Diego last year when the Cleveland was decommissioned. Gary and Cindy are in Ocean Park for the Rod Run To The End Of The World. Quite an event. Gary has a 1965 VW Bus that he entered. After visiting with them for a while we all piled into the bus and Gary got in the line of custom vehicles to cruise the main highway on the Long Beach peninsula. It was fun to be part of the display … there were zillions of people lining the streets, and residents outside of town parked their lawn chairs by the main road to watch the parade of cars. It’s pretty much non-stop.
This is Gary …
Today we went to the old cranberry bog that is owned by the Beach Baron car club, a local group, where all the custom cars gather to show themselves off. There have been shows like this where 1500 vehicles showed up to be seen. I don’t know how many were there today, but there must have been at least hundreds. Very colorful, and lots of gut rumbling engines pushing their vehicles slowly through the crowds. Here are some of the things we saw there …
… Gary & Cindy guarding the bus …
… a Chevy El Camino, like I used to have … ‘cept this is 1967 and mine was a ’64 …
… a 1966 Chevelle Malibu, like we used to have …
… a 1965 Thunderbird Landau, like Diane and I used to have …
… and a 1968 Chevy pickup that looks like mine will, some day …
Diane and I did a lot of walking today because, before going to the car show, we walked the dogs about 5 or 6 miles, at least. We went around one house, in this neighborhood, about 7 times because it’s for sale and no one is home. Very nice place, but too expensive, probably. It would be a good place to live all the time. I’d go take a picture of it to show you, but I don’t want to get out of my cozy chair. Besides, it’s dark now and that’s just another reason I don’t want to do it.
Now I’m eating my supper … crackers and cheese … I already ate my cookies. Then, it’s bedtime.
Oh, wait … I forgot … Doug, Caroline, Sue, and Todd showed up with two dead tuna fish that Doug and Todd cleaned in the back yard.
… this is what was left over …
… and this is Todd’s finger, the only injury … nice …
There … I think that’s about it.
Where Was I?
This morning I awoke in the RV in Ocean Park, Washington with no memory of how I got here. Diane and the dogs are also here, as is the Buick, so apparently it was a planned event. Since the Buick is here, the assumption is that I drove the RV all by myself, but I think Panzee must have driven part of the time. There’s no other reasonable explanation because Ozzie’s legs are just too short to reach the pedals.
I learned this morning that I was driving when we got here, and I parked the rig with JR’s assistance, and worked really hard to get TV reception so Diane could watch Obama’s speech last night. So, I was externally lucid at the time, but comatose on the interior.
It’s really not a bad way to get around because it’s a lot like time travel … you begin your trip the, ZAP, you’re there. How convenient.
Heather and Jeff shared a picture on Facebook of a wide eyed guy with the caption “I’m smarter then you’re”. I’m going to have that put on a t-shirt. It’s very cool.
It’s later in the day now so, so it’s apparent something interesting has happened since I quite earlier. Let’s see … I went golfing with Doug, JP, and Mike. Everyone but Doug did terrible. Doug shot 3 over par. Nice. I was double par, at least.
After hanging my head for a short period of time, JP and I returned to the camp site to see if the girls were back from their garage sale extravaganza. They were already done and were sorting through their treasures.
It’s miserable hot today, one of the reasons I golfed so badly, I’m sure. All that sweat dripping in my eyes stung, making it hard to see and concentrate at the same time. Since I have trouble doing that when I’m not sweating, it was doubly bad. So, that’s the real reason I golfed badly. There can be no other reason.
My mind just dried up so I’m quitting,
What Day Is It?
So, there I was, just a walkin’ down the street, singing, “do wah diddy, diddy, dum, diddy, do. Shuffling my fingers, and a snappin’ my feet … ”
That’s not quite right, I don’t think, so I’m moving on to something else … besides, a vision of Tom’s kotex-covered leg wound just zoomed through my head destroying any sense of direction that I may have had with wherever I was going above.
Monday, Labor Day, in case you forgot, Diane ushered me out of the house before 0700 to participate with other International Lion’s members to place American flags throughout the city of St. Helens in honor of the day.
After planting the flags along the street we ate breakfast at the Sunshine Pizza joint. I had two runny eggs, a piece of ham, and hash browns. Not being one to keep things separated on my plate, I immediately chopped everything into pieces and mixed it up on my plate. This distressed some of the more fussy people in my vicinity. I didn’t mind that they were distressed.
After breakfast I retired to the golf course where Doug and I had one of the worst rounds we’ve had in years. But, we laughed the entire time. That’s more important than playing really, really well. It would be nice to have a decent round but, at this point in time, I’m just happy when I hit the ball and it goes kinda where I aimed it. Monday, that was my first hit off the #1 tee … it was the best drive I’ve ever had. It was so good that I almost wet my pants. Almost. It all went downhill from there, but it was OK.
Later in the day I returned to help extract the flags so they could be returned to storage. Keith and I walked the entire route, covering almost 2 miles. I know that’s true because Keith drove his car on the route and determined it was 1.8 miles, a fact he shared in an email to me. I rounded up to 2 because it was pretty close, and it looks better on my walking chart.
I don’t actually have a walking chart so I lied. If I had one, 2 would certainly look better than 1.8, don’t you think? Maybe I should start a walking chart. It would be east to just make stuff up about how far I walk every day. Yea, that would be pretty simple. If I decide to do
Today … hmmm … short term memory issues, here. Oh ya, I had to be at the church by 0900 to meet an estimator from a local furnace installer so he could see what he has to deal with in order to replace the current furnace that was installed somewhere around the turn of the century. It’s old. Actually, there are two of them that we want them to replace with one. A cheap one. Figure the odds of that.
While waiting for the estimator, I gave Floyd a hand with with the moss issue in the drain thingie around the church. Floyd is always working around the church, it seems, and it really bugs me because it makes me feel guilty about not helping more. As he indirectly told me, “that’s my problem, not his.” So true. Because of that, I vow to devote more of my time to aid in the upkeep of the church … if I remember … or if Diane reminds me … or if Floyd calls me. Any of those would work, but it would be best if I could just remember.
During the day I put another coat of sheetrock mud on the repair job in the closet in Lydia’s room. It’s Lydia’s room because that’s where she always sleeps when she spends the night. Diane’s really anxious for me to get it back together so she can hang up the 1/3 of her clothes that are currently stacked on Lydia’s bed. She can’t remember what’s there but it’s probably a very good bet that what ever’s on the bottom of the pile is really wrinkled now. I’d put it together tomorrow, if we were going to be home, but we’re not. We’re going to the beach to take a gander at all the lovely vehicles in the “Rod Run to End of the World” in Ocean Park, Washington. It’s quite a gala event that ends on Sunday with a 20-mile-long string of custom cars cruising down the road. It’s not to be missed if you’re ever in the area. It will be especially fun for us because we have two friends bringing their custom, and classic vehicles. The event is only for 1982 and older vehicles, but Jerry 1’s 2012 Camaro isn’t eligible, but he’ll be there just for fun on Saturday. The other friend is a contender with his 1965 VW Bus. Fun stuff. More on that next week.
I forgot something … what’s new there? … I reinstalled the ceiling in the RV and made Diane very happy. It took me two days for the glue to dry before I could pick it up. I’ll have to take a picture of it just for fun.
Time to stop.
Hanging Out & Seeping Wounds
This is a short update for a couple of things I’ve mentioned recently.
First, Breezie’s bell has been mostly successful … she’s only been able to present us with one hummingbird since it was attached. I’d call that successful, all things considered, and it’s caused her to change tactics a llittle bit, moving to a more aggressive approach …
She’s not the least bit concerned that the bird feeder is empty, confident that a bird will eventually forget she’s there and take a chance.
A more recent update was provided by Tom who sent me a picture of his kotexed leg wound. It’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be and, considering the nature of his wound, a kotex is a great choice to keep it sanitary … once it’s unwrapped …
Mexican Food & Kotex
Interesting title, but that’s all that came to mind. Plus, it’s descriptive.
Before getting into the specifics, however, let me catch you up …
Yesterday I golfed with Doug and JP. I actually did pretty good considering I used my brand new 9 degree driver for the very first time. That’s significant because until just a few years go I couldn’t get my 10.5 degree driver to lift a ball higher than about 10 feet. This one, however, is sending drives soaring, straight and long. The only trouble is that I still can’t aim worth a new hoot. Long and straight into a cow pasture isn’t a good thing, unless it is part of the fairway, which is sometimes the case. I was especially please with my new driver because it only cost me $4.99 at Goodwill. With Diane’s old person discount card (OPDC) it was only $4.49. Nice! I don’t have an OPDC.
After golfing I continued my ongoing project of getting Diane’s bathroom back in order. Actually, the bathroom is already in order, and working, but I haven’t covered the hole in the adjacent closet, or the hole in Diane’s Girl Room ceiling. Having a hole in the ceiling is convenient for me because when I rip out pieces of the closet wall, it just falls down through the holes for the tub drain, and I don’t have to sweep it up because it lands on Diane’s ironing board. This, of course, causes stress in our marriage to the point she yelled at me for some unassociated event and I had to play the lawyer card. I’m going to have to quit doing that because there is increasing danger that she will tell me to “go ahead”, then I’d be absolutely lost. So, that won’t happen. No more lawyer threats.
Today we had lunch at the Scappoose Ixtapa Restaurant with Jerry1, Jerry3, Nelda, Linda, Tom, Vie, and Coleen. That’s always a hoot because I learn so many new things. I suspect some of the things I learn at these gatherings are things I once learned at past gatherings with the same people, then forgot. But, it was new (again) today.
The most significant thing I learned today is that taping a kotex to an old leg wound doesn’t absorb very much blood unless you unwrap it first. Apparently each kotex comes wrapped in a material that looks a lot like fabric so, not being a regular kotex user, I probably would have made the same mistake Tom did. Linda discovered this grievous error in Tom’s behavior and immediately educated him on the mechanics of how to unwrap a kotex. Apparently it’s not difficult because he caught on right away and, now that all his friends know about it, he will never forget. He has no doubt he will be asked about this over, and over. We may even be able to contract with him to give a short seminar on what he’s learned, at our next gathering.
Now, about the leg wound … this isn’t a minor issue because it’s not healing well next to the bone. That’s not good, and that’s the reason for the kotex … the wound has to remain open so it can heal from the inside out. It would have been much simpler if he hadn’t cut so deep, but that’s now a moot point that has to be dealt with. So, I urge all of you to send kind, healing thoughts to Tom’s leg so it will heal properly. The sooner the better as far as Linda is concerned because, since Tom typically wears shorts everywhere, she thinks it’s a little unsightly, and perhaps unsanitary for him to walk around with a bloody kotex strapped to the back of his leg. Today he wore long legged pants so it wasn’t a problem. He wouldn’t show me the wound, however, or I would have a photo so share. I bet is’t really something. It’s not so much about the wound, though that’s not good, but for me it’s about an opportunity of seeing someone with a kotex taped to his leg. For now I’ll just have to be content with the knowledge that I at least know someone who does that, and imagine what it must look like.
After a wonderful lunch, during which we all talked non-stop, and ate too much, we came home and I immediately went back to work on the closet. Diane abandoned me to go see what kind of supplies she’s going to need in order to cook Community meals on Thursday. I was only allowed to use a hammer, chisel, pry bar, and my shop vac. I know, the shop vac required electricity but isn’t officially a power tool, so it was OK.
Getting In Touch With Your Mortality
It’s official … I’m terminal.
When we got home yesterday at 12:30 I called the doctor to plead for mercy … no … to plead for help to remove all the uric acid from my body which is apparently overflowing with the stuff and it’s all settled in my left foot. I briefly considered standing on my head but the possibility of it draining into my brain caused me to pause and consider the benefits of that. There weren’t any, so, I didn’t do it.
It was 12:32 when I finally called the doc but they weren’t there … they go to lunch at 12:30 and don’t get back until 2:00. What a deal. This delay required me to sit on the couch, writhing in pain, until they returned. During that time I made a VA appointment for my annual diabetic retinopathy checkup. I was able to complete that appointment just in time to call the doctor’s office at 2:00.
Brenda answered the phone, as she almost always does. Like all really good receptionists, she knew me immediately because I used to visit the office on a regular basis to repair all my nicks and ding over the years. And, I take her coffee once in a while. Actually, I took Dutch Brothers coffee to the entire clinic one time. I was very popular for a few minutes.
Brenda squeezed me in for a 4:15 appointment with the new doctor, Sharon L., because my old doctor, Janet K., retired and sold her practice. One time I got a huge sliver in my arm and videoed Dr. K. removing it, as well as our conversation during the process. That was a fun time. Dr. L. retained all the nurses and semi-doctors so the only change at the office was ownership. It was she, Dr. L., whom I saw. I like her. She prescribed the necessary drugs to make me comfortable until the end. I had to go to the lab, too, so they could drain off some excess blood and look at it to see about the uric acid, among other things. At that time I posed the question about how long she thought I had. Stopping a moment to think, she hung her head a bit in a telling manner, then told me I probably only had about 30 years left, maximum.
I was stunned! Flabbergasted! Etc.! I was really hoping to make it to 100, but she cut me off 2 years short. Now I need to start getting my things in order because at my age 30 years will fly by in an instant since I plan to sleep during a large portion of it.
Since my prognosis is that I will retain almost full use of my left foot, if I’m good and don’t walk on it much for a while, I’m relegated to sitting on the couch with my feet propped up, pointed at our excessively large TV set. Within the area of my vision, without turning my head, I see Ozzie laying on his old flat pillow, his favorite, which was placed on the new pet hammock Diane bought him from Groupon. He wasn’t sure about it at first because his dog tag clanged against the metal tubing that hold the sleeping area about 6 inches above the floor. That’s chin high for him. After a couple of training sessions, he’s OK with it now.
As I sit here all the things of concern are running through my little brain like a shopping list … the leaky faucet in the tub, the future home of our fire pit over the septic tank, the dirt I must move to flatten the area for the fire pit, the ditch I need to finalize by the garage to keep the driveway from flooding when it rains, the old roof, the Subaru air conditioner that leaks, my messy shop, the pool table that needs to be reconstructed, half the garage that’s full of “stuff” we probably don’t need (except for the player piano which I’m really going to restore one of these days), the book I’m going to write, the thousands of pictures I need to sort through, the clothes in my closet I rarely wear that take up space causing wrinkles in the clothes I do wear, golf, the yard, hedges that need trimming, trees that need to be chopped down and turned into firewood for the fire pit … stuff like that.
After going over all that I’m a little depressed so I’m going to take a cymbalta and try to access some more uplifting things to think about.
Temporary Sanity ... 