Three days! I’ve only been gone for three days but it seems so much longer.
I was ‘Taken’ on the 26th. Spirited away, I was, to a secluded cabin on the dark side of the moon.
“A cabin?”, you ask. “Really!?” Yes, a cabin, and a very nice one at that. At the time I didn’t know we were on the moon because I thought I was just dreaming. Perhaps I was. Perhaps I still am. Perhaps the entire sum of my life is something that can be downloaded onto a 2GB thumb drive because “those” people who postulate that nothing is real, that we’re all just part of an elaborate hologram, are right. Perhaps one day someone will just turn off the power and we’ll discover that we’re really living in a desolate little debris strewn valley on Uranus.
Perhaps, too, we’ll learn that the purpose of the hologram is to prevent humanity from fleeing Uranus because the government doesn’t want to be the only remaining residents. If that happened, they would be reduced to governing each other. That wouldn’t work out very well.
I’ve ‘heard’ that one ancient Uranian civilization, Eugyptians, built pyramids. Their scientists determined that the planet was cooling off, sliding into oblivion, and the only solution to longevity was to depart Uranus for warmer climes. After much discussion the scientists gave up trying to figure out how to escape and turned the problem over to the educational system, ultimately accepted a solution proposed by a non-descript 3rd grade student, Jose Ranana (like banana).
He suggested they simply build an upside down pyramid on top of the only active volcano on the planet. Since starting the construction inside the volcano was a patently absurd idea, Jose proposed an elaborate erection of supports to hold the pyramid in place above the volcano until it was finished. The eruption cycle was well known, so the addition of supports was totally feasible since the volcano was, oddly, in a deep valley. They could start building a cubit or three above the volcano and, once it was complete, cut the supports and drop the pyramid into the volcano a week or so after an eruption.
Each stone used in the construction would be a self-contained apartment housing one family with enough food and water to last for 100 years. There weren’t more than 80-90,000 inhabitants on the planet and most of them would perish during the construction, so they only had to worry about propelling 150 families from the planet.
After listening to Jose explain his ideas everyone looked around the room waiting for someone to form a more viable solution. There being none, one of them nodded his head in acceptance. In a manner of seconds, everyone in the room was nodding so it became a huge project to propel the entire population to a new location.
Construction began at once. Each stone, beginning at level 85, was hollow with room for either food, or residents. The pointy end stones were solid rock. All of the stones were sculpted ahead of time because completing the pyramid quickly was extremely important for those who drew the short straws and had to occupy the inner stones.
I could go on and on about the details of construction but I won’t. Just believe me, if you must, that it was built, occupied, and dropped on the volcano immediately after the last eruption.
The pyramid was a mile high and was enormously heavy so when it dropped, it plunged deeply into the volcano’s orifice. As designed, this began a process that caused incredible pressure to build up under the pyramid until the for was so great the pyramid was ejected from Uranus at very high velocity. So dramatic was the ejection that you would think everyone in the hollow stones would be crushed by the forces involved. But, you forget this is pretend. No one got hurt.
Shortly after the ejection began, one of the Uranian astronauts posed the question that no one had considered during this entire process … “where are we going?” he asked.
As luck would have it, the ejection trajectory was such that it plunked down on Earth in the middle of a desert. Since it was ejected upside down, it landed right side up, just as planned. However, upon entering the Earth’s atmosphere it split into three smaller pyramids that landed in the same vicinity.
How long the trip took is a matter for later discussion because I have no idea. I would suspect it wasn’t long, however, because everyone survived.
In honor of thinking up the plan for this momentous event, Jose Ranana was promoted to the 5th grade and granted god status. They named their new home Egypt and called him Ra.
OK. I must admit that this is little far fetched, but there’s absolutely no one around who can refute what I just shared. Sure, laws of physics, as we know it, would not have allowed people to survive such an ejection, or a trip of that nature. But, perhaps the laws of physics back then were entirely different. How would we know? Things change all the time. Look at politicians.
Time to quit. If you have anything further to add, please do. Perhaps you have your own beliefs about where the pyramids came from.