Today I drove farther, and longer than I have in months, and months. Usually I’m only allowed to drive down to ACE and back on any given day, multiple times if necessary, which is usually the case. But it’s not very far … under a mile … doesn’t really count as a “trip”, if you know what I mean.
Normally when I leave the house I’m with Diane and she drives everywhere, all the time. She told me that when we’re together she’s a better driver than a passenger. Consequently, I’ve become the consummate passenger any time we go anywhere together. And that’s OK. I’m good with that because it gives me lots of time to fiddle with my gizmos. For some of you that may have a totally different meaning than the one intended. Since I can’t totally control which way your mind bends, you’ll have to work that out yourselves.
Today I drove all the way over to Clackamas Town Center to assist with a personal issue for someone about which I’ve been forbidden to speak, so I won’t. Suffice it to say that I drove, both ways, without mishap, although I was seriously tempted to run over a Kia Soul whose driver chose to cut into traffic at bad times, then almost stop in the traffic lane in front of me to cut over again. Very irritating. But, I swallowed my urges and let her continue on her wave after a beep and a friendly wave thinking that perhaps she had a more dire need to reach her destination than I was to reach mine.
Or, she was totally frustrated by the traffic that she has to deal with every day, with her 2 hour commute, that she’s not concerned about anyone else on the freeway. This probably all stems from the fact that, due to the economy, she was downsized from the business close to her home, where she worked for the past 15 years, and had to find another job to support the home she purchased because the area was nice, and the job was good. The new job is 40 miles away, accessible only by congested roads and freeways because her boss doesn’t believe in flex hours that would allow her to beat the traffic both ways. Or, perhaps, she had to work overtime today to make up for being late yesterday.
More than likely, this being Friday and all, she was in a hurry to get home so shave her legs because she has a blind date tonight and didn’t want to give a bad first impression, just in case.
Thinking about that makes me wonder why a woman would shave her legs when going out on a date with anyone for the first time. Is there a need for a woman to ensure that her date is aware that she recently shaved her legs, or is it simply a matter of hygiene? Do their legs feel “dirty” if they don’t shave them, or do they itch? I’ve never shaved my legs so don’t know the answers to these questions. I can, however, tell you about shaving for a vasectomy, but I won’t. Diane would get cranky at me, I’m sure. Besides, it wasn’t for me, it was for a friend of mine. Really. It was.
Now that I’m home safe, Diane and I are sitting on our porch waiting for it to rain. It probably won’t, but we’ll wait anyway because it’s cooler out here than in the house even though all the doors and windows are open. Every once in a while a hummingbird will fly up and buzz around a few feet away to check us out. They feel safe when we’re out here and they probably know the cat is in the yard, far away from them.
Ozzie is on a diet because he started looking like a little porker. Jennie said I was feeding him too much so I cut his pouch food rations in half. He doesn’t seem to mind, so far, but I have suspicions that while we’re sleeping at night he sticks his but in our faces. Since I sleep with a CPAP machine, I’m not too concerned, but Diane doesn’t. If I was her, I’d be worried, because I know Oz heard her agree with Jennie. The fact that I’m the culprit who carried out the cut back is immaterial at this point so he takes revenge where he can. I’m sure.
The battery on my laptop is about to run dry so I better quit while I can still save this. It’s vital to everyone that I get this out in the ozone where they can snag it out of the air and waste their precious time reading it. I’d equate it to a computer virus that causes people to spend time doing something they really don’t want to do in order to resurrect their computers in order to read drivel like this. Now, aren’t you happy you made it this far?