Little Bitty Nachos

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

Diane found some hamburger in one of our freezers and couldn’t determine how long we’ve had it. So, as she always does with this kind of meat, of unknown origin, she made taco meat. It gets well cooked and the taco seasoning kills whatever might be lurking in the meat at a level not noticeable by the naked eye, or naked nose.

I was working in the garage, sanding then staining our headboard, so my nose was plugged with little tiny bits of pulverized wood, but when I entered the house the aroma of taco meat wafted into my nostrils and it was good. Made me hungry. Thankfully I was done when the meat was done so I went to take a shower so I could eat without being told that my deodorant quit.

It takes me a long time to clean up, so Diane didn’t wait. She was finishing her nachos by the time I arrived to fix mine so there was no hurry for me to fix mine and hers at the same time. I can do it, but having to focus on only one plate simplified things a great deal for me. It allowed me to get a little creative and I made this …

I used dipper chips, instead of regular corn chips. I put a little meat on each chip, then some cheese on each chip, then started heating each on of them individually for 10 seconds. That proved to be very time-consuming so changed tactics and heated all 20 of them at once for 40 seconds. That worked. Then I dabbed a little guacamole and sour cream on each dipper and sat down to eat.

Diane made fun of me and suggested I take this picture to share. I prefer this method of making nachos because it’s lots less messy to eat. Just pick up one dipper at a time and you don’t salsa all over the place.

Had I remembered to add salsa, that may still have been a problem, but Diane didn’t leave that on the counter for me to use.

I don’t know whether to call these dipchos or nachippers.

Voting & Ballot Counters

Posted on May 16, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

I know this person who is essential to successful elections in Columbia County Oregon. I’ve known this person a long time and this person, and her semi-sister-in-law, are vital to the successful completion of any ballot issues submitted to Columbia Counter voters for resolution.

The group of people surrounding this person, and her SSIL, are very supportive of them, allowing them to return for all the voting events. Actually, they insist they return for all the events. It makes me wonder if they are the only two who can count. I know that’s not true, of course.

This person went to count ballots today and I was required to make and deliver lunch at precisely 12:30 pm. With that clue you have no doubt surmised that you probably know this person, too. You do. It’s Jack’s first wife’s brother-in-law’s first wife. That’s a true statement.

I put the lunch, consiting of a tuna sandwich, chips, cheese, a cookie, apple juice, and a little note, into a small paper lunch bag on which I wrote her entire name in purple crayon so no one could steal it.

It either worked, or ballot counters are simply honest people.

Let’s hope so.

The bag was returned to the house once this person … oh, heck! It’s Diane. You know that, so no more pretense …

Here’s the bag. I covered her last name because I don’t use last names here and also so those who are unaware won’t know who she really is. The nose is for Nelda …

Yes, She Snores …

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

… but the sound she makes is that of a hovering hummingbird sipping nectar from a honeysuckle blossom. It’s a quiet, peaceful sound that makes me smile because she will deny that she snores.

So, this is just between me and you …

Perscriptions & BO

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

Today was cold enough that Diane invoked her feminine rights to crank up the heater a bit. I admit, it was a lot cooler than it has been the last few days. Today was about 60 degrees after 4 days in the 80’s, up to 88. I didn’t think I was going to ever quit sweating, but I had no choice because Diane insisted that I do “stuff” even though I was perfectly OK with just sitting quietly on the couch with my book.

Consequently, over the course of the last 4 days, I had to take about 8 showers. That’s just a huge waste of water, don’t you think? Her tactic for making me head for the showers is to tell my deodorant quit. Very subtle, huh? That’s good that she has a sensitive nose, I guess, because it’s rare when I notice when my deodorant quits. It’s not like something goes dark, like when you switch off a light, when your deodorant quits. It’s a nose thing. I think I’ve seen her nostrils flare just before she tells me that which I find odd because you’d think they would shut down a little if the odor is that offensive. Instead, they flare, as if to gather in as much of my manly aroma as possible before making be go wash it off.

Contradictory, if you ask me …

… but no one ever does. It’s just, “your deodorant quit.”

Makes you wonder if eye-glass prescriptions have a terminal date like other prescriptions. You know, like all the pills you take have a warning on the bottle telling you to “renew before 3 August, 2018,” or something similar. That’s the only warning you get. With eye-glass prescriptions, however, there is no warning. One minute you’re walking down the street admiring all the pretty people, your prescription runs out, and everything goes blurry. It would be especially bad if you were driving at the time, or navigating crowds on your Segway, or water skiing, flying a plane, watching TV … one of those important things. What would you do?

That’s happened to me. Honest. The first thing I did was tentatively say, “Diane?” because she’s always lurking around nearby, and she would hear the question in my voice.

She said, “yes, dear, what now?”

“I can’t see,” I responded.

“You can’t see what,” she queried back.

“I can’t see the TV.”

“Is it on?”

“Yes.”

“Are you wearing your glasses?”

“Yes”

“Are they right side up, like the little nose pads are actually touching your nose?”

“Yes.”

“Are they yours?”

“I think so.”

“Well look at them!”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t see.”

“Oh, why didn’t you say so before?”

“I did.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

And you know where that goes.

Finally, she tore herself away from American Idol and came to see what was going on. Turns out I fell asleep and the cat was laying on my face. I was hallucinating in my sleep during the entire conversation.

It’s good to know that I can carry on a conversation when I’m unconscious because that might come in handy one day. Maintaining control of what flies out of my mouth might be a concern, you think, but that’s never been one of my worries, awake or asleep.

Like at Lydia’s game last night. The umpire, Pete, has his own version of a strike zone and it’s different for every game. I say things throughout the game regarding what I believe are blatant bad calls and I hear Jennie in front saying, “Dad …?” which means don’t do this, while Diane is beside me doing the wife version of the same thing. They are, of course, afraid I’ll get kicked out and embarrass Lydia, or them.

Pete ignores me, so it’s really not a problem.

I think that’s it for now … it’s 10:36am and time to get started with my day now that I’ve shed the weariness of the night, and my morning 3-hour nap.

I’m Right!

Posted on May 12, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

I’m here to share with everyone that Diane has finally come to her senses and admitted that I’m right. Right at this moment in time, I’m not sure what she was referring to, but that’s not relevant. She said, right out loud, in front of her Mother, who may or may not corroborate this incident, “you’re right, Jerrie.” She may not have said it directly to me, but I think she was leaning my direction. Either way, I’m apparently right about something.

That’s a rare event in this house … that I’m right, or admissions that I’m right.

I know … that sounds a little contradictory, but I suspect everyone knows what I’m talking about here. Even when I’m right, which is actually quite often, I’m deemed to be wrong. The topic doesn’t matter, even though I’m pretty much an expert of many things about which I know nothing.

Go ahead. Ask me anything.

While I’m waiting I’ll tell you about today, Mother’s Day 2013.

First thing this morning both Jeff and Jennifer communicated with Diane to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. That was a great way to start the day for Diane. Cheered her a lot and she made the morning coffee for me. That’s the last thing she did today.

Except drive us to church. And count all the church’s money. And drive us home. I did everything else, even though she’s not really my Mom.

Once we got home I cooked the lasagna, made the salad, baked the bread, and set the table. Really. I did all that. It was Stoufer’s frozen lasagna, semi-baked french bread that only needed browning, That salad was all me, lettuce, tomatoes and everything. I even cut up 2 lbs of strawberries last night and mixed in a whole bunch of sugar for the strawberry short-cake we ate for dessert.

Jennifer, Cedric, Lydia, and Jeran appeared about the time we were sitting down for dinner, so the kids headed for the Man Room to watch TV, and we sent Jennifer to bed with some random meds to help with her migraine. After we ate, all the kids chose to have root beer floats instead of short-cake. That was a good choice, too.

About the frozen part … Diane chose all of that and it was my choice to cook everything.

Now we’re sitting here watching TV while the girls, Diane and Jean, munch on apples.

It’s been a really good day. How was yours?

Tid Bits

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

It’s 8:40 pm. I finished mowing the yards about 20 minutes ago. Took me 2 hours and it was fun because I could go really fast since it hasn’t had time to grow out much. Just enough to make the grass catcher useful. The jarring round hurts my hip and back, but I have meds for that. Tomorrow, before it starts raining, I need to suit up and run around the place with the weed eater. This device wrecks my shoulder which has a terminal problem that may, at some point, require replacement.

Diane has an orthopedic appointment for her knee, after visiting the doc today. If we sell a couple of cars she can get a new one. I’ve decided that I’ll get my new shoulder at the same time so we can convalesce together. Actually, selling cars won’t do it because they cost so much so we’re just going to wait for either a sale at Wal*Mart, or a surprise influx of Chinese knees and shoulders at Costco. You just never know.

Or, we can just gimp along on what we have and call it good.

Jeff came by today to re-borrow the drill he recently returned. While he was here we went over the list of tools he’s still got. It’s not a long list. We mainly went over it so I can quit looking for those items in the house. He told me that the girls, Gilligan and Bailey, want a puppy like Panda who passed away a couple of years ago. They’ve already named the puppy Scraps. I love that name and think I’ll start calling myself Scraps whenever I’m introduced to someone new. That’s really not a problem because the only people I know are old. If I was introduced to a new person, they wouldn’t understand what I was saying anyway. Because they’re too little to communicate properly.

After this morning’s nap Diane and I drove to Scappoose to visit with Wynette for a short time before she had to leave for the Senior Center. For some reason she has to check in with them pretty much every Friday. I think it has something to do with volunteering.

On the way home we stopped at Burgerville, which are only in Oregon & Washington (mostly Oregon) for takeout lunch. I normally have a Tillamook Bacon Cheeseburger with a large chocolate shake, but today I just had a double cheeseburger with extra secret spread. Great stuff. Too bad for all you people who live someplace else.

Actually, it’s just a hamburger. There are tons of hamburger joints all over the world, but Burgerville is a local thing. We also have Burger King, and McDonalds, like normal places, but we prefer local cows vs. foreign ones. Really. Almost everything they use for the burgers are home-grown. Some Burgervilles have pastures out back where the cattle graze until they’re ready, then they are herded into a barn and just never come back out. It’s like magic. At the other end of the barn is the Burgerville. No one would have ever known that had I not brought it to your attention.

That is, of course, a lie. The same number of cows that go in the barn always come back out of the barn. But, are they the same cows? One may wonder.

Now I’ll end with this, for those of you who don’t normally venture on to Facebook, or cruise the internet looking for odd things. I want one of these …

Recent Events

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

9 am, Friday morning. Just awoke from my morning nap because the cat wanted to go out. She’s very annoying when she wants out. Or in. Seems like she’s always on the wrong side of a door. Any door.

Yesterday I went to the dentist and had all my front teeth replaced. I was getting tired of them, and one was chipped for some reason. It was time to replace them. My dentist’s name is Dr. Grimm. Honest. It only cost $778.00 after the discount for being old and paying right away. Thankfully, our social security checks will be here soon.

Day before yesterday I had a mental attack and dreamt up a way to connect two twin beds to a king headboard so each bed can swing out so clean sheets can be applied without disconnecting the headboard. We have to sleep in twin beds because apparently I wiggle too much, and there’s always the danger of touching. That, and Ozzie likes the option of moving from bed to bed at night and he’s not a jumper so the beds have to be right next to each other.

Before I dreamt up the bed making ‘fix’, I had to create the king headboard out of two twin head boards that Diane bought for $10. She’s always finding things like that for me to do. The basement’s full of projects in waiting. So is the garage. And the driveway. Converting the twins to a king was actually pretty simple and involved my table saw (which I was allowed to use unsupervised), my drill (which I had to get back from Jeff), four or five small squares of really nice 1/2 birch plywood (that was just laying around), and an oak frame (from the huge overhead light we removed from the kitchen 5 years ago), two hinges (from ACE), and 35 screws (that I already owned). One of these days when the beds are made I’ll take a picture for you.

Yesterday afternoon Cedric came over to use my computer for a project that was due today. He spent hours on it, typing away to re-write ACT 2 of “Romeo and Juliet” using Rapunzel instead of Juliet. Toward the end we went to the middle school for their benefit talent show for Doernbecher Children’s Hospital in Portland. Lydia was one of the MC’s for the program and she sang a song with her friend Claire. They did really good. There was lots of singing and some of the individual contestants used a plastic cup as a percussion instrument while they sang their songs. The rhythm they made with the cup was complicated and consistent which amazed me. I looked around and learned that it’s the Cup Song. Pretty tricky just doing the cups but singing while doing it adds another level of complexity that boggles my mind. Fun to watch.

A few days ago I burned my pile of brush and yard debris right down to pretty little white ashes and it only took one match. Now I’m going to search the yard for something to chop down so I can do it again. We have a HUGE photinia that’s been bugging me for a few years so I think it’s a likely candidate. In preparation of doing that I purchased a really long extension cord to power my pole saw. We also have a row of trees between us and our Western neighbor that need to go away because they haven’t been trimmed in about 35 years. The neighbors are just going to love me when I get those down and light em up. Whooee!

Jeran is on his third book with piano lessons and has started composing his own songs. I think we’re getting closer to that duet all the time. I need to practice.

It’s time to quit and actually do something around here.

Chipped !

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

Diane’s really done it now and I need the advice of a good pet lawyer.

She suggested that I go to the local veterinarian and get chipped so she could find me when I get lost. I thought it would be a good idea, at the time, then wondered … what’s going to keep her from changing her phone number?

What would happen do me?

Will I have to live in a kennel?

Will I like dogfood?

Uno thru Cinco de Mayo

Posted on May 5, 2013 by Jerrie Cate

It’s Sunday afternoon. A hot one. Temp is currently 81 at 7:30pm, down from the 88 we experienced in Longview, Washington where we went for lunch after church. Diane had a hankering for Sizzler so that’s where we took her Mom.

Now, for the last four days … “what,” you may ask, “has been going on?” Well let me tell you …

UNO

May 1st for us started off with Daniel’s birthday. Daniel, in case you forgot, is my first wife’s son-in-law, father of Cedric, Lydia, and Jeran, and husband to Jennifer. He turned 38. I don’t know how that happened so fast … seems like just yesterday he and Jennifer wet just youngsters starting their married life. Now it’s been almost 20 years. Wow! To celebrate his birthday, Daniel BBQd shish kabobs and wieners. I got to see Brianna again, and met Alyssa, one of Lydia’s softball teammates who was there because they had a game right after the party. Concerning Alyssa, my thunder was yanked out from under me right at the greeting when both Jennie and Lydia told me that she had already been told about me and to not believe anything I say. Consequently, we didn’t converse much except I was able to share with them that the advantage of having a mustache when you’re old is that your upper lip doesn’t get shiny when your nose drips. That’s a simple truth.

The BBQ …

DOS

On May 2nd the WELCA ladies began setting up for the annual Bethany Quilt Show at the church. My jobs were few and simple because Diane didn’t want me to injure my right shoulder any more than necessary, so I didn’t. All I did was carry card tables to the basement and string up many of the wall hangings that were provided for display. Doing the wall hangings made it necessary to hammer tacks into the newly painted area in the stairwell, but that was OK. It’s a tradition. When things started getting frantic, with hoards of people showing up with quilts they wished to display, I was able to separate myself from whoever was giving me instructions at the time, made a dash for my car and went home to mow the lawn.

Before doing that, however, I had a chance to say hello to Floyd who was make rounds on the new lawn mower that he purchased for the church. It works so nicely that I knew I’d never be able to mow my yard again unless I did some maintenance on my mower.

So, the first thing I did upon arriving home was to get all my gas cans and go get them filled. This gave Panzee an opportunity for a ride, which she loves to do. Once back at home, I removed the mower deck from the tractor, drug it out into the back yard, and power washed it, removing thick layers of grass that had been accumulating for about 5 years. I’ve been meaning to do this every year, but it didn’t happen until May 2nd.

The blades, three of them, were about as sharp as the edge of a sidewalks from all the large rocks I’ve chipped away at over the years, so I decided it was time to make them right. I ground on them until many parts of them were shiny with new marks from the grinding wheel, reshaping the flattened end to one that was fairly sharp, giving it a much better chance of cutting grass instead of ripping it out of the ground. I couldn’t wait to get it back together to see how it worked.

It worked so nice that I could hear the tick of each blade of grass as it was plucked from the lawn and hurled up the exit tube to the grass catcher with no resistance because I had removed the sheet metal screws that was holding the two pieces of tubing together and replaced it with duck tape. Duck tape always works. It was like new. Jerrie was happy.

Doing all of that, and mowing the lawn, took pretty much all day, and I was seriously tired. So, I rested until Diane returned from working at church. She was seriously tired, too.

TRES

May 3rd was the first day of the quilt show so Diane had to be up and gone early to finish preparations. To make sure she was up on time I had a 0715 telephone appointment with my VA doctor to see how things were going for me since cutting back on my medication. It’s been fine, thank you, but my shoulder hurts really, really bad most of the time. This affliction occurred years ago when I saved a cat’s life by not stepping on him while walking barefoot down basement stairs in the dark. It’s a short story but I don’t have time to report it here. Besides, I think I’ve done that before. So, my doctor told me to go get a xray of my shoulder when I had a chance. Since Diane wasn’t available to drive me right away I made a command decision which was, thankfully, OK with Diane, to go on Monday. After talking with the doctor I had a little nap then went back to the church with Diane in case there was something I needed to do to help with the quilt show. I stayed until lunch because everyone knows there is nothing quite as good as Church Lady Food (CFL).

Here’s what the church looked like before all the little old ladies in the NW started crowding the isles …

… and here the Queen Bee Quilter’s Chair, and some of her work. The QBQ this year was someone many of you already know … Wynette, my brother Jack’s first wife. Thankfully they are still on speaking terms. Wynette worked really hard to get a lot of quilting projects ready for this show and everyone was excited about her displays.

Here’s some pews full of Wynette’s efforts …

Here’s Wynette …

Here’s Diane taking a break during the festivities … and if you look close you can see my little chicken legs in the mirror …

She did great …

CUATRO

May 4th was the 2nd and last day for the quilt show and things were a lot more calm. I was called in to perform a little emergency maintenance when someone cracked the toilet seat in the ladies rest room. I used my ACE rewards card to obtain a special deal on the replacement. Turns out the one I installed was exacry like the one that broke. Hope it lasts a while. I stayed for lunch because I just couldn’t pass up all that CLF. After lunch I went home and took a nap. I didn’t mean to take a nap. I sat down to think about all the things I needed to do and it just happened. I probably should have gone with Jennie to Clatskanie to watch Lydia’s game, but I didn’t. Instead, Cedric and I went back to our house for some quality time together. He promptly fell asleep on the couch while I watched various TV shows in the Man Room. Jennie stopped by on her way home to get Cedric and they visited for a while. Lydia had a great game. She pitched the entire game and hit a grand slam. They won the game 16-1. Nice. Before they got here Cedric woke up and decided he was a bit hungry and wanted salad. I retrieved tupperware containers of various vegetables and he was amazed that they snapped together. His comment was, “now my life is complete!” Funny how tupperware can affect some people that way.

CINCO

May 5th, Sunday, church. More CLF at coffee hour while Diane counted all the money from the offering. I actually forgot about that part because I was supposed to help. Instead, I was busy talking to people, and I knew most of them. After all that was done Diane trapped me and her Mom in the Buick and took us to Longview for lunch at Sizzler because that’s what she was hungering for. I like the Sizzler salad bar because it has fried dead chicken and I really like fried dead chicken. I ate a lot of it then had ice cream and I wasn’t even hungry when we got there. I just ate to be polite so Diane wouldn’t have to eat alone because her Mom didn’t eat. The day was absolutely beautiful making the drive to Longview along the Columbia River incredible. Being a native I took it all for granted and read a book on my iPad all the way. After dropping of Jean, Diane’s Mom, we returned home and sat on the porch for a while, enjoying the afternoon breeze. Then, as evening approached, we decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo by having a Taco Bell dinner. I had my normal … 3 crispy taco supremes, and 1 chicken burrito supreme. I mentioned I love dead chicken, didn’t I?