Back to Normal.

At our last meeting I left you with a ton of questions about our impulsive trip to Memphis to visit Graceland with no clue about what transpired beyond that adventure. And it really was an adventure. Especially for Diane who drove the entire way … 6-7 hours on the road plus the time to tour Elvis’ s domain. In order to keep from being frightened on the way back to our hotel in Nashville, I slept. We made it safely but one of us was extremely tired and mentioned that she had whiplash from trying to stay awake not only on the trip ‘home’, but on the way to get to Memphis. Still, she wouldn’t let me drive.

That’s old news so let me move on. No more questions, please …

The flight home from Nashville was no big deal. We got the premium seats we paid for so had lots of leg room. Watched a movie, read, and ate hamburgers that we bought before boarding the plane. Nothing memorable.

It was clear but brisk when we got to Portland and it got brisker and brisker as we waited for over an hour for the courtesy van to arrive and whisk us away to our bed for the night. We stayed in Portland instead of going home because Jeff had an appointment in the vicinity of the airport the next morning so it kinda made sense to avoid two trips to PDX for him. 

After a couple more phone calls, during which Diane got pretty tense because one of the calls revealed that no one actually notified the van that we needed a ride. The other call, she was put on hold and no one talked with her again until we were almost to the hotel. When we arrived we found out that the computer system at the front desk wasn’t working so people were lining up waiting for their rooms while they did their best to work around the problem. Making it worse, the young lady behind the desk was new. She was flustered, for sure, but maintained her composure despite a bit of hostility from some of those waiting. That wasn’t from us. We weren’t in a hurry like they were.

It was good to see the kids and dogs. They always get so excited when they discover that we really did come back. That happens every time we leave and return, even if we’re only gone for 10 minutes. Still, it’s fun.

We got back into the routine of our daily lives quickly. That’s not difficult for me because all I do is sleep all night then lay all day in my recliner until bed time. Simple. Many times throughout the day I sense that there’s probably something I should be doing but then I nod off for a bit and the feeling goes away. Since I feel pretty good, I’m sure there are times during the day when I either get up for sustenance, or it’s delivered to me. I also got up for a trip or two to the gold course with my friend Junior. As you know, we don’t golf all that well, but you’d never know it by our scores because we do pretty good on paper.

After a week of resting Diane made it known that I really, really needed to take care of some things that needed to be taken care of. So I did. I’d give you details, but I don’t remember what I did.

Jennie had a birthday on October 23rd. She turned 43. I’m sure that’s not kosher to reveal her age, but I don’t think she cares. She’s our baby, she’s still cute and adorable, and the shortest one in her family. I’ll leave it at that and update you on her longevity in a separate post … no … I’m doing it here … with a bunch of photos I randomly selected from my vast array of choices.

As you can see, I don’t have many where Jennie is looking at me. She’s always busy doing something for someone else. That’s her in a nutshell. We love her to pieces and are very proud of the woman she has become.

We’re closer than ever to getting a suitable tow car set up for the motorhome. Got the car (a 2016 Equinox) before going to Nashville and ordered the proper baseplate that will fit the tow bar I got from Cousin Don. It’s supposed to be here today. If it gets here before dark I might get to work on it. I’m doing it myself because I’m cheap and don’t want to pay over $500 for a piece of hardware that I can get for $300 and that I’m sure, with minimal assistance, that I can install just fine, if I can find all my wrenches. I watched a really good YouTube video about how to do it and I’ve had luck with other projects using media as a teaching tool. So far, so good. I guess the proof of success for this effort will be that the tow car doesn’t fall off somewhere on Highway 30 and go it’s own way. I’ll let you know how that goes. You can follow along by watching the video here.

Yesterday Jeff and I replaced the old, failing microwave. Finally. It’s been behaving badly for the last year or so. It would beep often as the menu cycled itself without prompting so we turned of the sound long ago. Then, a couple of days ago, I pushed the button for the light and the fan came on. That was new. Diane was aware of a sale at Standard so we went and picked out a likely candidate. It was a good price and appeared to be just as smart as the one we had. I’m going to take it apart and fix it. I’m sure there’s a video out there somewhere that will show me how. Regarding the new microwave, we’ll have to learn all about it. It’s interesting that there is no Start and/or Stop buttons. Instead it has Play and Exit buttons. Kinda weird, but in line with the times and probably makes it easier for very young children to operate the equipment.

Diane salvaged the large glass turn table from the old one and was going to use it for a couple of plants in the Girl Room but I managed to break it to smithereens while cleaning the stove. She’d washed it and had it in the drying rack next to the sink I used to wash the burner covers. They’re big and bulky and I managed to knock the glass thingie out of the rack onto the very hard tile floor. It was really loud so there was no way I could not deny doing it. Everyone looked. She took it well. Better than the broken antique ceramic cat I broke later in the day in a perfectly innocent manner while searching for a Comcast remote for her Mom, Jean. Her’s quit working in the manner to which she had become accustom and neither Diane nor I  could overcome the failure to make it work in any sensible way. We thought we had an old one but couldn’t find it so went to Comcast and got her a new one. Took it over, programmed it, and it works like a charm. Mom’s happy.

On Sunday we visited with our Winnebago friends over supper at the St. Helens Elk’s Club. I only spilled one drink on Diane so it was a relatively successful night out for me. Thankfully, it was just water, same as the glass I spilled on her when the crowd was at our house a couple days prior. Seems to be a theme with me. It was a costume party and it allowed me to capture my new favorite photo of my bride.

I’ll leave you with that one. It’s a great one.

Banquet, Marsha, and Memphis

Saturday was a very busy day, for some people. For us it was one of another, lazy late exit from our respective beds, a late breakfast (or early lunch) then some sitting around doing a lot of nothing. We had to rest up for the banquet which was to start at 6:00 in the evening. Prior to that the crew members in attendance had a business meeting for the USS Cleveland Reunion Association. Our treasurer, Rick, gave a comprehensive accounting of our financial situation and made it clear how much it costs to keep our organization functioning. After that we went through the agenda, ultimately agreeing on where we go next year. Lots of options were suggested, and promoted, but we finally agreed on Savannah, Georgia. Another new city for us to discover.

At 5 pm we started getting ready for the big event of the reunion by finding the clothes we brought for the occasion and laying them out hoping some of the wrinkles would disappear. That really wasn’t an issue for me because once I put them on they just disappeared thanks to all the food I’ve been eating. Yessir I just filled up all the vacant space and stretched those wrinkles away. It wasn’t pretty, but I wasn’t wrinkled. It worked so well that Diane asked me to put her clothing on for a little bit and kinda iron them out, too. Doing that stirred up some latent emotions from my youth when I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a boy or girl. Right then the bra started to chafe reminding me that I’d made the correct choice all those years ago. Diane agreed and thanked me for pressing her clothes. Actually, her’s got stretched a little further than mine and, consequently, looked much better after i removed them. This entire exercise in removing wrinkles showed us that we no longer needed to ensure that rooms we get while traveling have irons in the room. Now I just need to ensure I don’t start losing weight thereby losing this new-found skill I’ve acquired. If necessary, I can hire out my body to fellow travelers so they, too, can avoid the need for an iron. Just have to find out what to charge, or if to charge. I might like doing it just for fun.

The banquet went well and we wound up with 46 ex-Cleveland crew members in attendance, in addition to significant others who attended. It was a packed room. The food was good and the raffle & auction items were plentiful. I have no idea how much money was spent in total, but one of our old Chiefs spent over $1000 on things his wife wanted. I believe that was a new record for one bidder. It went a long way toward ensuring the organization wouldn’t be having any financial woes in the near future. Rick reported that we were, once again, solvent.

After the banquet was done everyone went to the atrium and pool area which is surrounded by rooms for photos. We were making a lot of noise after the suggested quiet hour, but none of the other guests complained. So, we just continued to make lots of noise which made it very difficult for organizers to organize groups for photos, especially the guys. 

Finally, there was a lull in the noise and we got the guys to kind of line up for the photo.
And here are the ladies …

The festivities were finally terminated about 10:30 pm much to the glee no doubt of everyone who had an interior room, and we all headed for our respective rooms. I think.

The five Radiomen in attendance: Spence, Curt, Dan, Gene, and Me

During our good nights and farewells I volunteered Diane to deliverer our friend Marsha to the airport at 0530 the next morning. Diane wasn’t happy, initially, but I won her over. Then she expanded the day by declaring that “since we’re getting up so early, we may as well go to Memphis and visit Graceland.” I couldn’t really object because, first, she is the only declared driver of our rental and, second, well, because she wanted to go to Memphis. Even though it was pouring rain … 

Nashville to Graceland isn’t a trip around the corner. It’s about 220 miles and a 3 hr drive according to my map. In reality, it’s 220, yes, but 4.5 hours. The extended time is because there was a portion of the freeway closed but there were no detour signs pointing to an alternate route. The local folks knew about them but neither I nor our GPS were aware of how to proceed. So, I studied the map as we went and found a way around it. The long way around it, but we eventually made it. We stopped at a Waffle House about halfway to get breakfast and our first coffee of the day. Here’s proof …

Somewhere along the line we stopped at a rest area. They have names just like other states …

The first thing everyone who enters Graceland is exposed to is the gift shop. That’s where you can buy sunglasses for any occasion, just like Elvis wore …

I won’t bore you with the interior of Graceland because you’ve probably seen it before. I will say, however, that both Diane and I were pleasantly surprised to discover how un-pretentious the home was. It was very nice and we enjoyed it. It gave us a different look at how to view Elvis. He seemed to be a very nice guy who died far too young.

There was a picture in one of the out buildings that totally caught me by surprise and may also cause a second look by my brothers … 

The left photo in the middle looks disturbingly like my first grade picture. The means (to me) that at one point in time I looked like Elvis. We just didn’t turn out the same in the same, did we?

After touring the mansion we exited the venue, which is far bigger than just the mansion, and headed home. We had a 3-4 hour trip ahead of us and we were tired already. Diane drove both directions and amazed me at how much stamina she had. I had a horrible time staying awake to make sure she stayed awake. Could be we died somewhere along I-40 and I’m writing this to you from an alternate universe in the Matrix. Seems real, though.

We made it home in time to get to bed about 8:15 pm after eating a less than stellar hamburger from the Opry Backstage Grill here in the hotel. We didn’t wake up for 12 hours and didn’t get out of bed until 10-11. We’re not as tired as we were when we went to bed but it took a long time to get some energy back. Plus, it just felt good to lay around doing nothing.

Finally, the need for food took precedent over the need for rest so we left in search of something to eat. In the car I searched on line for a decent place to go and we wound up at a really nice place just up the street. The Santa Fe Steakhouse where the food is excellent.

When we walked into the place an were being led to our booth, about 25 people sitting at tables in the middle of the room got up and left. Diane said she noticed that the crew was composed of sheriffs and firefighters. When the waitress showed up I asked if they needed to go out and get another steer before they could feed anyone else. She said no so I ordered steak fajitas. Diane ordered their beef enchiladas. Both of us were overjoyed with our choices. Not only was the food excellent, the wait staff was more than wonderful. 

Now I must end this and prepare for our last night here in Nashville. Tomorrow we fly home from rainy Tennessee to bright and sunny Oregon.

A really Big House and The Grand Old Opry

Today started nicely (we got up late) and continued that way until we tried our luck at Cracker Barrel one more time. It was a mistake. The parking lot was packed and the place was jumping but we were still escorted to a table fairly quickly. Thinking the day was going to get better and better Diane pulled out her chair and sat right down in a large puddle of syrup. She jumped back up, which frightened me because she doesn’t normally move that quickly. Noticing my consternation she turned to show me the large wet spot on the back of her jeans. We tried to get a waitress with a rag to clean the mess up but that didn’t solve the problem with her jeans so we decided to leave so she could change her pants. I got up, brushed the bacon I sat on to the floor, and we left.

To say Diane was a bit cranky is an understatement. Once she got rid of the sticky jeans and underwear, replacing them with nice clean ones, she was better, but we weren’t going back to Cracker Barrel. Ever. Instead we decided to drop in at an alternate dining facility in the area. Of the many available, we chose the nearby McDonald’s. We haven’t been to a McDonald’s in a long time and a breakfast sandwich sounded good.

When we walked into the facility we heard music and singing going on that seemed to be a little out of place. We’ve never been in a McDonald’s where music was playing, but here we were. Looking around I spied a small stage with a microphone behind which sat Ron Crites, of all people, picking and singing like a pro. Turns out, he really is. An old one, but a pro nonetheless. It was quite a treat to sit there, eating my SausageCheeseEggBiscuit and Hashbrown, listening to him serenading everyone with some really incredible music. The man is talented. Something like this could only happen in Nashville. There’s talent around every corner, it seems.

After that marvelous brunch we drove to Cheekwood Estate & Gardens to see another very large house. To get there we had to pass through the quaint village of Belle Meade which, we learned, is on the high end of places to live in the Nashville area. The homes lining the road are enormous, with acres of lawns surrounding them and they are all precisely mowed making the drive appear to be a trip through an extremely well tended park. It is very nice.

We left Cheekwood just in time to join the daily rush on the various freeways in the area and had a serious concern about returning to the hotel in time to catch our bus to The Grand Old Opry. Turns out that today was the 93rd anniversary of the Opry’s origin. Our host for the night was Pam Tillis who was joined by Charlie Pride, Lee Greenwood, Vince Gill, and a host of other folks who made the experience unique and unforgettable. Actually, Lee and Vince weren’t there but it was still an unforgettable experience due in part to the fact that the entire 2-hour show was a live radio broadcast complete with commercials. Those just added to the evening fun. Charlie was great as were all the other musicians and singers. 

After the Opry we exited the building through different doors than those used to enter so my orientation was totally out of whack. Apparently, so was everyone else. All we had to do was find the bridge we crossed after leaving the bus and we’d. It took a while, with lots of wandering around through throngs of happy people heading for the late show, but we finally made our way to the bus which took us ‘home’. 

Then, we went to bed. It was a long day.

Nashville

Nashville. What is there about Nashville I can share that you haven’t heard before? Probably nothing, unless you’ve been living under a rock your entire life.

OK. That was rude. Or was it? There might be something positive about living under a rock for a long time. I can’t think of one right now but something might come to me later.

We got here yesterday (Tuesday). By the time we got to the hotel it was 8-ish local time and well past our normal dinner time of 4-ish. We’re staying at The Inn at Opryland, a Gaylord hotel. That’s what’s on my room key … “The Inn at Opryland, a Gaylord Hotel“. It’s even on their website that way which leads me to believe that someone named Gaylord owns a bunch of property in and around Nashville and wants everyone to know it. That’s an opinion, of course, but that name is attached to a lot of different kinds of businesses in the area. So, I think I’m correct on at least half of my stated opinion.

In case you’re wondering about why Diane and I are in Nashville, I’ll tell you. We’re attending the 2018 gathering of the USS Cleveland Reunion Association. Yes, another reunion of crew members of a ship I served on. A gathering of the survivors. The last one of these we attended, in Bremerton, just a few weeks ago, for DD-808, one of the crew members died at the reunion. Turned out it wasn’t the festive event it was supposed to be. Hopefully, that won’t happen this time.

Our friend, Yolanda, was in the lobby talking with a few who had arrived earlier. Yolanda is the widow of one of our members who passed away a number of years ago but she continues to attend these gatherings. Maybe you’ve seen her as Anne Betancourt. She’s an incredibly nice lady.

Now, where was I? We had just arrived, and we were hungry. And the hotel, Gaylord’s hotel, conveniently has a restaurant on the main floor called the Opryland Backstage. So, we paid it a visit and learned a couple of things. First, the food is really good; Second, they have excellent live entertainment. A fellow who called himself Jeff Dayton picked and sang for the room throughout our meal, playing pretty much any song requested by the crowd in the room. He was pretty awesome. After reading his bio on Wikipedia I understand why.

Our waitress last night was Maria who is from Rochester, Minnesota. She is not tall, blond, and obviously a hard worker. After watching her scurry around for a while I asked her if she was a singer and she said she was and wanted to know how I knew. It was just a guess. I figured an attractive young girl from Minnesota, working as a waitress in Nashville, probably had aspirations of a musical career. She told us she sings in the restaurant once in a while and we let her know we hoped we might have the chance to hear her before we leave. Interesting evening and a great hamburger.

We slept in a little bit today and missed breakfast so mosied across the street to the Cracker Barrel thinking we might encounter some of the crew we came to see. That didn’t happen, but we had a pretty good meal then jumped in the SUV that Diane rented for us, a Nissan Pathfinder, and went looking for Belle Meade Plantation. It was #1 on a list of places to see in Nashville that Diane found someplace.

It wasn’t difficult to find and we both really enjoyed the tour. A young lady named Kellan led a group of us through the mansion and explained the history of the family who lived there and how they started out on the property. It was a lovely story that covered a great deal of ground and I was totally blown away with her presentation. It was just fun listening to her share her incredible wealth of information in such detail. True, she’s no doubt done this dozens of times, but still, she was really interesting.

After touring the mansion we walked around the grounds for a while, got all sweaty from the humidity, and called it a wrap, got in the rental SUV, cranked up the A/C and headed back to the hotel. Of course at this time it was rush hour in Tennessee so it wasn’t a quick trip. We didn’t mind. The scenery is quite nice here when you slow down and look around.

Tomorrow the reunion officially starts and I may have more interesting stuff to share. But, for today, this is it and it’s time for bed.

Buona notte

My MRI Results, KC’s Elbow, and Jeff’s Left Thumb

I’m sure all of you have been waiting to hear about the results of my Lumbar Spine MRI test. So, here’s what I got:

L3-4 discs are shorter than last time and there’s a small herniation on the posterior disc as well as more focal protrusion to right in the foramina. Still, there is no significant canal stenosis. In layman’s terms, if vertebrae were hinges, mine are rusty.

L4-5 – pretty much the same as above with the addition that I have facet arthrosis resulting in bilateral foraminal narrowing which in turn causes some contact of the exiting L4 nerve root on the left. Again, in layman’s terms, if L4-5 was a doorway and the exiting root was an extension cord supplying power from another room, my door won’t open or close without rubbing the cord. Consequently, the contact with my extension cord results in pain all the way down the line that ends in my left foot. The doc said the only way to alleviate the pain is to quit surfing. Since I’ve never surfed, that’s an easy fix. Fortunately, pain from my extension cord is not severe enough to prevent me from playing the piano or golfing. Due to the complex motion involved in both of those activities, I find it interesting that such movement does not result in making me a wheelbarrow basket case. Life is complex.

Actually, I haven’t had the post-MRI visit with my doctor yet so I really don’t know if the piano and golf are still approved activities. I’ll let you know after my appointment on Monday the 13th. If she tells me to cease and desist golfing, I will. Right after my currently scheduled golf date on the 15th. Once things like that are scheduled it’s impossible to get them off the calendar. Really. That’s true.

I have it on good authority the KC’s new fake elbow is working great. The downside, however, is that she can only lift 2 lbs with the affected arm. For most things, like eating or drinking, that’s not a problem, but for picking up grand kids, it pretty much is. In case you don’t know, KC got a new elbow a number of years ago and it worked pretty good right up to when it got horribly infected. Apparently her arm decided it shouldn’t be there and threw a fit. So, it was removed and replaced. The doctors tried to trick the arm by simply cleaning up the old elbow, painting it a different color, then sticking it back in so we’re not sure if the arm has figured it out, yet. Maybe by leaving the elbow out for two weeks, like they did, leaving KC’s arm to flop around a little, made the arm happy with anything other than nothing. We’ll see. If I got any of this wrong I trust KC will provide corrections in the way of comments.

Son Jeff is in the middle of moving his family and today broke his left thumb in three places while moving a box. Actually, it’s the bone that connects his thumb to his wrist. I think that’s the same bone I break pretty much every time I hit it with my hammer when I miss the nail I’m holding. It’s only about 3 inches from where the nail is so I’m pretty sure that’s true. Based on that I can attest to the high level of pain involved to have broken it into four pieces. I generally just break it in one place.

I’m guessing, of course, because, though I most definitely have smacked that bone multiple times, I’ve never had it x-rayed so I can’t definitively say it’s been broken. But, after the initial hit, every time, I admit that I perform the air-sucking dance associated with such injuries as if it’s broken. The pain eventually fades then it’s back to work. In my experience, any subsequent hit(s) to the same area on the same day aren’t nearly as bad. That could be because I’m either not swinging the hammer as hard, or the injured bone is in shock. I’m not sure which.

Sitting here talking about that thumb bone made me more aware of historical injuries to that area and it actually went numb for a bit. Funny thing.

Guess it’s time to quit.

Cheers

Camping at Big Eddy

Last Thursday we took “The Littles” Camping at Big Eddy Park on the Nehalem River near Vernonia, Oregon. It’s a small place but full of fun on hot days. Even I found the water to be pleasant in the 100 degree temps. “The Littles”, by the way, are our Grand Daughters Gilligan, Baylee, and Jerrie. I’m using that now because it’s easier to type.

We attended this outing thanks to Jennifer’s & Daniel’s willingness to let us join them for their annual Church Campout at the park, even though we don’t attend their church. Guess Jennifer figured I wouldn’t cause too much of a commotion this time and the who attend the last time we went had plenty of time to forget past offenses. I don’t think there were any, but you just never know what might trip someone’s trigger.

This was the first time The Littles went camping with us so it was and exciting time for them. Since the church pretty much rents the entire park for the weekend the kids (lots of them) were free to roam all day and into the night. The big attraction was the big eddy in the Nehalem River for which the park is named.

With inner tubes of various sizes, and life jackets, the kids assaulted the river and had a spectacular time just floating around, visiting, making new friends, and for some, catching crawdads.

In line, front to rear, are Jerrie, Baylee, and Gilligan under Daniel’s watchful eye.

 

Living large in the deep water, about 20′ deep, middle of the eddy.

 

Even the dogs get to play. This is Ziva.

 

There was some down time allowed for river rock art.

 

Jerrie in a brief moment of inactivity.

 

Jennie minding the tubes. This is about as wet as she got.

 

Gilligan coming in for a pit stop.

 

Gilligan giving her Mosh Pit greeting.

 

Mocha just floated around all over the place, lurking kinda like an alligator. She loves the water because it sets her free of her aching joints.

 

Open fires are not currently allowed in any Oregon camp grounds unless they had a way to turn them off. So, before leaving civilization we made a trip to Lowe’s and got a propane fire pit that fit that category.

 

It works quite nicely, throwing a rosy glow on everyone who sits around it.

 

It was even used to produce vast quantities of s’mores for those who like that kind of thing. Personally, I’ve never been a fan of s’mores. I think that makes me kind of unpatriotic, or something, and I’m sorry if it does. But, I still don’t care for them. The kids love them, however.

 

Lots of time people showed up from other families to join in with Jeran, Lydia, Joey, Jamie, Sofie, and Ceiarra. I caught this one sitting still so took her photo. Also, got a fairly good shot of Daniels T-shirt, Save the Chubby Unicorns.

 

Most of the girls are wearing their hair longer, young and old, so braiding it was a full-time job. Jennie loves doing it and fixed up all comers. She’s a pro braider. So, I guess that means she’s Pro Braider Jennie, or PB&J for my acronym book.

 

Jennie and Jerrie posing after Jen gave Jer piggies, my personal favorite hairdo.

 

Diane contemplating something while relaxing.

 

Jennie relaxing.

 

Older kids gathered for lunch.

Sunday morning we attended an outdoor church service then everyone packed up to leave. For me, getting ready to go involved driving our motor home around the narrow, wiggly, tree-lined roads to get in a spot where I could reattach the tow dolly and mount the car on it. I’d done it once to drop the dolly and didn’t have a problem. This time, however, I cut one corner a little close and brushed an old, rotten stump. It left a mess on the driver’s side near the rear wheel that I was sure would signal the end of the world.  But it didn’t. Neither I, nor anyone else with a camera, thought to capture the moment and the damage, so there’s no proof that what I’m relating really happened. Therefore, you can just chalk this up to a big lie if you wish. I really did swipe the stump, though, and the visible damage appeared to be permanent.

Once we got home I got out the polishing compound and rubbed 98% of it away. I was amazed. And happy. Now I won’t be ashamed to take it out again next week for a trip to Nehalem Bay State Park. This is the bay where the Nehalem River joins the Pacific Ocean.

How odd is that?

 

 

Jerrie is 7, and a Plumbing Tale

Last Sunday Jerrie turned 7-years-old. That’s 7, as in SEVEN. That means Second Grade is coming up. When that happened, Diane and I looked at each other with similar questioning eyes, wondering how she did that so fast. She’s quick, we know that, but normally it takes at least one dog-year for a child to attain the age of 7. Not Jerrie. She did it in 3, I’m sure. Anyway, she’s joined her bouncy sisters in another upper age bracket and is on her way to fulfilling her destiny. We’re curious to discover what that is. It’s going to be an exciting trip.

In case you didn’t know, this is Jerrie trying out her new blanket that we dare anyone to snatch and try to call it their own.

This next bit is a going to be long, I can tell already, but I’ve got to get it out of my head. It’s getting crowded in there and I want to gather new “stuff” to think about.

Plumbers are sometimes necessary to resolve problems for which one hopes they’ve been trained to deal with, and other times they are used simply because it’s convenient to have someone else do the dirty work. Simply because I involuntarily volunteered to get a couple of new toilets for our church, I became the point person for ensuring they got installed. Although I’m knowledgeable with what’s required to install a toilet, since this was a church project, I was given permission to engage a professional. The project also included replacement of a broken, non-functioning, waterless, cold water faucet in the Lady’s Room (LR). It’s been turned off for years, literally, because it ceased to function. The set up, in both bathrooms is really old, using individual faucets for hot and cold. Old school. Since it takes a little bit of time for hot water to reach the LR, it apparently was deemed safe to assume that at least six ladies in a row could use the facility and wash their hands without being scalded. The seventh person is like a hall monitor … if they don’t burn their hands with hot water at the sink, odds are that one, or more, of the previous six didn’t wash their hands, the choice of many women when using public facilities. I have it on good authority that men ALWAYS wash their hands BEFORE using the facilities because they don’t want to get their junk dirty. They know what they’ve touched, ya know?

I digress. What’s new?

Thinking back on that seventh lady who didn’t burn her hands, when she exits the facility makes a note of who the previous six were because ladies, sadly, always have to wait in line to use public facilities. From that point on #7 avoids the previous six because they’re obviously filthy animals. Or, #7 doesn’t wash either, leaving it up to #8. It gets really complicated after that.

Regardless of who does or does wash isn’t really the issue here. It’s the broken and leaky faucet. Someone resolved the problem by turning off the water to that faucet. Simple. They probably thought they’d get around to fixing it later, or not. Actually, that faucet has been off for 10+ years so you know it was a man who disabled it. Right? I’m pretty sure that’s true, but it wasn’t me. Honest.

Given the authority to procure and arrange installation of new toilets, and a faucet, Diane took me to Costco and allowed me to purchase two toilets, just like the one I installed in one of our bathrooms at home. Get that? I, Jerrie, an old man, installed one of these toilets all by myself and it works and it doesn’t leak.

It took a bit of maneuvering to get two toilets in the back of our Camry, but I did it. On the way home we stopped at the church and I manhandled one into each bathroom, staging them for the plumber who agreed to do the job. I called two plumbers and only one called back.

Shortly after that Diane and I departed on our annual Anniversary trip so I wasn’t there to manage the work. I wasn’t worried, though, how hard could it be?

Turns out that some things certain plumbers encounter are way beyond their capabilities and in the confusion of accomplishing assigned tasks get a truly clouded sense of reality when it comes to figuring out what to charge. In this case, the plumber presented a very vague bill for $1495.00.

Upon return from our trip, I visited the plumber, who was out working on another poorly planned job, no doubt, and talked with the nice lady in the office. I explained that the price seemed overly high for a job where the major components were provided.

The plumber called me a couple of days later and was very apologetic after I explained that the toilets were not provided by him, and questioned his billing tactics that provided no detail about what materials were used. I’m sure the majority of his clientele pay without question, abiding by the popular pre-conceived notion that plumbers are just expensive, and that’s the way it is.

The result of that first contact was a $200 refund check along with a new bill containing some more detail about what was done and what materials were used. It was nice to get a refund, but I wasn’t particularly pleased with the detail and the minimal amount considering he was apparently refunding the cost he would charge a customer to procure two toilets. Having paid $150 for each toilet I was pretty sure that his mark up would escalate the price considerably higher.

The new bill made me a little angry so I sat on it for a while before addressing my concerns with the plumber, again. I contemplated calling again, but decided I wanted something tangible that could be filed for future reference. So, I wrote him a letter providing far more detail that I’m sure he wanted to see. Specifically, about the price of the toilets and what he would charge a customer to provide. I also questioned his charge for wax rings and bolts, which were provided with each toilet, and $50 for caulking, and $150 for a new faucet that didn’t look anything like the one he removed, and the fact that he removed and replaced the wrong faucet. Seriously, how dumb is that? I used his cost for that faucet as a measure for what his markup was for parts. Somewhere around 100% or more I’d guess.

Addressing all of these questions, as well as questioning his ethics a little bit, I sent the letter to him and a bunch of other people. My last comment was that I would love to talk with him about everything in the letter. His response was to send another refund check for $300 with no explanation. Just a check in the mail. I suppose we could have just considered that a nice donation to the church and continue to pursue answers to my questions, but I believe we’re way beyond a peaceful solution. He got the price into the $900’s, which is still high, but not worth the stress of all the confrontation involved, in an area where most people carry guns, should I continue. We’re just not ever going to use him again and we’ll gladly share why with anyone who wants to know.

Then, I’ll fix it myself.

For free.

Like I should have done the first time.

Then we’ll just sit back and watch karma take it’s course.

Dang!