… or should that be “scarfs”? Gee … I just looked it up and it can go either way. Interesting. I’ll stick with ‘scarves’ because ‘scarf’ has always been associated with food for me … like, “when he eats, he really scarfs it up.” Just saying.

Anyway, where I’m going with this is that, in addition to my many other household duties, I’ve been tasked with crocheting scarves for everyone in town. This is what they look like …

Quite festive and it absolutely kills my right shoulder when I make them. That, of course, isn’t a factor. Jennie thinks I should make a few dozen to sell at the Christmas sales this coming holiday season. Wow! I said ‘Christmas’ and it isn’t even St. Patties Day, yet.

Another issue with the scarfs is that they take up my valuable free nap time. As it is, I rarely get more than an hour worth of naps a day. The rest of the time I’m doing other important things that I’m not allowed to talk about. Actually, I can’t talk about those things because I generally can’t remember them. Oh wait! Lunch! I usually remember lunch.

First thing this morning I was forced to visit the dentist. No emergency. Just an appointment. I make them for as early in the day as possible in order to get them fresh, before they wear themselves out dealing with difficult patients all day. Today’s was at 8 am. The next appointment will be 7 am. Thankfully, the office is only about a mile away.

Today was Ozzie’s Poodle-do day. We checked him in at 1 pm and checked him out around 3 pm. I turned him over to the groomer then promptly forgot that I was supposed to buy a roll of stamps at the post office. Instead, I stopped at the car deleaship and stepped out to look at a couple of interesting vehicles which were about as far away from the main office as possible. Still, one of the salesmen, Skip, spied me and rushed to my assistance. It was raining, so I didn’t make him wait very long before telling him I didn’t know why I was there and that I should probably go home.

When I got home Diane was busy cooking all kinds of things for soup supper tonight. Like normal, my role in her cooking things is the ‘taster’. I have to do that to give her plausible deniability in the event something doesn’t turn out right. However, everything she cooks is just great. Today it was chicken soup to which we added half a box of 10-year-old butterfly pasta and it turned out wonderful. And, she made the most incredible brownies ever. I don’t normally eat brownies, but I ate these. She put walnuts in them because she knows I love walnuts. I think she loves me, even when she’s scolding me, and calling me by all three of my given names.

After the soup was done we took it, and the brownies, to the church and set it all up for the evening meal. Then we returned to St. Helens so we could go to the post office to get the stamps I forgot in the morning. On the way, the poodle-doer, Kay Kay, called to say Oz was ready to escape her clutches. So, we got the stamps, then the dog, and went home to rest an hour or so before having to return to church.

At 5 pm we again left the house, picked up Diane’s Mom, Jean, and headed to Warren for supper and our Lenten service. Once on Highway 30 we had to stop for a fire truck, then saw dozens of flashing lights in front of our beloved Safeway, where our daughter, Jennie, works. There were four ambulances and a variety of other emergency vehicles scakttered around the parking lot and crime scene tape extened into the parking area, encompassing both entrances. Our first thought was that someone went in there and shot the place up, so I immediately called Jennie. Thankfully she answered and told us it was her day off. She only lives about half a block from the store and didn’t know what was going on but thought it might just be one of the alarms went off.

After we got to church I listened to the police scanner app I have on my iPhone but didn’t hear anyone say anything about what was going on. Then Jennie called to say guns weren’t involved and she had talked with one of the managers who said 30 or so people were exposed to something in the deli area that made them sick. Stil inconclusive, but it was good to know she was OK, and that it wasn’t something life threatening.

Our pastor has been conducting Lenten services using Mayberry RFD TV shows to convey the lesson. So, we get to watch one of the shows every Wednesday evening. Tonight’s show was ‘The Loaded Goat’ which, oddly enough, is about responsibility and doing the right thing.

So, there you have it.

Today was special. Diane drove me to Portland so I could have lunch with the best looking group of people who ever worked at PGE. Actually, some of them still work there but I’m not going to tell who. OK – Cliff and I don’t work there any more. I don’t think Paula does, either.

We ate at Mandarin Cove which is just up 1st Street a few blocks from the building where I used to work. Thinking we were a bit late, Diane forced me to exit the vehicle in front of the restaurant then went to look for a place to park. I didn’t think she would be back for a while so prepared myself to test fate and order lunch for her.

When I got inside, I was directed to a table waaaay in the back, away from everyone else, as if they’d been warned I’d be there. Cliff was the only one there when I arrived so we had a moment to talk a bit before the real crowd arrived. This is the guy who invented TAL Team about 20 years ago in order to ensure all the technology, hardware and software, met levels of expectation before being used on the company’s network. I was blessed to have worked with that team for many years before I was forced to retire because of my advanced age, lack of knowledge, and inability to learn new ‘stuff’.

In short order, the remainder of the crew arrived. They are Terri, Becky, Paula, Jim, Debbi, and Nancy – all members of the Team at it’s most busy, but currently functioning at higher levels as members of other IT groups in the company. The fact that this group still gathers is significant because PGE typically scatters talent all over the company in an effort to keep them from talking to each other about what’s going on. In Jim’s case, however, they retained his talent as the sole remaining member of the TAL Team until he decided to retire. That’s why we were all at the Cove – to celebrate that momentous event in his life. He’s seen the light!

This group of people are the hardest working, most dedicated people I’ve ever had the priviledge of working with. Despite my advanced age, I was the ‘baby’ of the group having only 21 years at PGE. Jim would be next, I believe, but all the ladies present have between 30 and 40 years on the job. Amazing! Nancy will be the next to go, in May. Hopefully I was nice enough at today’s lunch that I’ll be invited back for her departure lunch.

The lunch was great, and I loved seeing everyone again. It’s only been two years for me, but it seems longer when I was so used to seeing all of them every day for so long. It’s nothing like being in the Navy where the co-workers change completely every two or three  years. We are all friends, which I find particularly astounding, because their knowledge level was far above mine. I believe they all tolerated me because it gave them a measuring stick of what not to be, and allowed them to practice their teaching skills long after thinking they were beyond that in their careers. They taught me more than I can remember and I appreciate all of them a great deal.

Before I forget, Diane showed up right after the large group, having found a parking place right out front. I was happy to see her, as I always am, and her stunning appearance whisked any thought of introducing her to everyone right out of my brain. She did know some of them, but not all. So, now for the introductions – around the round table it went like this, in a clockwise manner – Diane was to my left, then Jim, Terri, Paula, Becky, Cliff, Debbi, Nancy, then me. Sadly, I failed to take a picture. Maybe next time.

After leaving lunch, we drove to the Habitat For Humanity Restore store over by Mall 205 to see if we could find some interesting baseboard material. They had some that we purchased, I got some hinges and knobs, then we left because we had to get Cedric to his golf lessons.

Then, just when I thought I’d had the best day ever, Diane pulled in to the Sears store and let me buy a new saw. An electric one that plugs into the wall, and everything.

Nice!

Chang’s – what a great place to eat. I suspect the fastidious people of the world view it as a gathering place where diseases lurk, waiting to strike the unwary visitors. To me, it’s a gourmet delight. To Jerry #1 it’s a place to get half a meal and stuff the remainder in his pocket. I’ll explain that in a moment.

No, I’ll explain it now. Whenever Jerry #1 eats it’s a given that he will only eat half of whatever he’s served. And, he never drinks water. Ever! Most of us attribute his demure stature to this fact – he’s not well fed, and he’s severely dehydradrated causing his skin to pull his face back, making him look like Mr. Miagi … oh wait! He really does look like Mr. Miagi, but that’s mainly because he’s Japanese. I keep forgetting that. Dang! He also claims to be 5′ 1/2″ tall, too. Most of us disagree on that point. He’s at least 5′ 1″.

The “Three Jerry’s” group also includes a Tom, a Nelda, a Linda, a Coleen, a Vie, and a Diane. At yesterday’s gathering Linda and Diane were missing, both for gastrointestinal issues. So, they stayed home, investigating the toilet paper supply, hoping it wouldn’t run out.

It was a drastic mistake that led Jerry #1 down the path of enemas and other solutions for constipation that involved graphic detail of the results. I did learn something, however. A person can go for nine days without going. I don’t know if that’s a world record, or not, but it is for Jerry #1’s mother-in-law. I simply cannot imagine the agony she must have been in. That began the epic discussion about enemas.

I have to admit that I’ve had one of those, self-administered, in preparation for a sigmoidoscopy, and again for a colonoscopy. I actually kind of enjoyed the sigmoidoscopy because I got to watch a live feed on TV as the doctor and nurse stood behind me, gently feed a camera up my ass. It wasn’t really all that exciting, I guess, because it just looked like the inside of a new, stretched out dryer exhaust tube, without the lint. There was no lint because I had that self inflicted enema earlier.

Tom shared nurse stories about enemas that included a garden hose and a bucket of water. He did it, he said, to scare a patient which isn’t normally ethical for a nurse, but the patient was his father-in-law I think. The in-law was given a med to put him to sleep quickly and was told Tom would be back with his “tools” when the meds did their job. It took him an hour to go to sleep because he didn’t want Tom to return.

What I learned from all this talk about enemas is that it’s apparently OK to administer them to your in-laws. I think wives and neighbors are allowed to do that, too, if necessary.

Jerry #2, Nelda, and Vie were sitting at the other end of the table so we weren’t allowed to share in their whispered conversations, so my rendition of this gathering is limited. Once in a while, however, someone would get everyone’s attention and share something of importance, but I can’t remember them because I didn’t have my crayon and paper to take notes. Perhaps some of those who participated will feel inclined to fill in the gaps … I do know there were some jokes shared that I’ve never heard before … Tom?

The big announcement came from Jerry #1. He got everyone’s attentioin by standing up and saying, “I have an announcement.” That when we knew he had an announcement. “I’m a new father,” he stated, grinning from ear to ear. This got everyone’s attention because we all know that Jerry was widowed from the lovely Lynn two years ago and none of us was aware that he had a romantic interest in anyone else. Considering, too, that he’s no longer allowed to fornicate, because of his advanced age, it was unlikely that he was the father of a child. Yet, he announced that he was a new father.

After a short pause to allow this news to sink in, he further clarified that it was Lynn’s race horse, Rose, that recently had a colt. This made my mind swerve into an entirely new direction that mainly consisted of questions around the possibilities of a human fathering a baby horse. I had to shake my head to make that go away, then the reality hit me. Jerry’s mare had a colt fathered by a stud. Knowing that Jerry #1 really isn’t a stud, I figured it out.

The colt’s name is going to be “はやく Lynn はやく“, where はやく = hayaku, or hurry up. So, when she’s running down the stretch the announcer will be saying, “and here comes Hayaku Lynn Hayaku on the outside. Hayaku Lynn Hayaku by a nose,” etc. In two or three years we’ll all see what that sounds like at Portland Meadows.

As we left, Tom and I shared an intimate moment in the restroom, discussing things we couldn’t discuss in public. Mainly it was about why it was a good idea Jerry #1 didn’t want to use the facilities because the urinal was too high and there was no stool. That allowed him to leave right away with the other half of his meal wrapped in two rice paper enchalada wrappers which he stuffed into his shirt pocket.

Vie also left without a goodbye hug, but Jerry #3 and Nelda waited. Coleen had to wait, too, because she was Tom’s chauffeur. Nelda and #3 were headed over to the Helvatia area to look at a Segway someone had for sale. #3 said that they may as well have an even four Segways that don’t work instead of only three. Nelda had the address programmed into her enormous phone and the map showed her the blue line they needed to follow. I took her to the next level by randomly touching a spot on the phone that produced a soothing voice telling them to get started, and would talk them through the turns for the trip. Nelda was so excited!

Me? I went home to be with my lovely bride and to take Cedric to his golf practice. Then I sat on the couch for the remainder of the day. It was a good one.

Now I need to buy Diane a new computer because hers, in Diane’s terms, is “Tits up.”

First, Diane’s much better … the dreaded shingles (totally misnamed as previously noted) is fading, and the pain is decreasing in intensity. Either that, or Diane is just getting used to it.

Now, about a new obsession …

We’re trapped on our couch and cannot get up except to use the facilities and have a spot of tea once in a while. The reason? We discovered ‘Downton Abbey’. It’s on Xfinity on demand. Every episode since season one.There’re 21 episodes available and we’ve plowed our way through 14 of them since Wednesday. I know, that’s a lot of TV in a short time, but we’re trapped. It’s really nice that Matthew and Mary have finally figured out what  everyone already knew, that they should marry to save the abbey, and all of Mary’s Mother’s money. But the sad part is weighing heavy on us, wondering how poor Mr. Bates is going to find release from prison after throttling his wretched first wife. She deserved what she got. Now, however, the love of Anna’s life is locked up for life.

Then there’s Sybol, who ran off with the chauffeur. To Ireland, of all places.

This show appears to be a more than adequate replacement for the now defunct ‘All My Children’. Kinda makes me want to be ‘in service’ for the Earl of Whats-it’s-chester.

Today was a date ‘night’ for Diane and me. We went to a Portland Symphony production called ‘Ballroom With a Twist’. It was at the Schnitz. Diane wanted to go because it featured Anna Trebunskaya and Tristan MacManus, pro dancers from the ever popular ‘Dancing With the Stars’ show. We were more than surprised when it turned out that Anna & Tristan were the hosts and the show consisted of two ‘American Idol’ singers, as well as dancers from ‘So You Think You Can Dance’, and the entire group of youngsters from ‘Dancing With The Stars’. What fun it was. Two hours of non-stop music and dancing. Quite remarkable and memorable. It was a very nice date. Also, it was a matinee, not at night, so we got home before dark.

Now it’s time to eat supper and watch a few more episodes of ‘Downton Abbey’ before we go to bed. Won’t be long before we’re all caught up and we can go back to our normal 3-4 hours of TV a day instead of 7-8 hours. Wears me out.

Shingles. What a terrible thing for anyone to have. They do, however, dwindle in severity over time and I can tell you that Diane is getting better. She been getting cocky a little earlier each day for the past week or so, and today she let me know that she’s almost back. She hit me with a broom for absolutely no reason at all. You can tell that she’s still not up to par, however, because her aim was off a bit and she hit me right on the bone of my left forearm instead of my rear end. It hurt a great deal but she didn’t care. Apparently she thought I deserved it and I don’t think she’s well enough to participate in a sustained argument.

So, after holding my arm until the pain went away, I continued making the bed and sweeping the floor … oh, now I remember … I swiffered the entire bedroom then she started wiping around in corners with a straw floor broom. I went over that area again with the swiffer. That’s when she hit me. And yelled. It’s apparent that a straw broom trumps a swiffer.

I’m glad she’s getting better.