I learned something new when I listened to the debates this evening …
Romney has a 5 point plan for fixing everything.
I must have missed that the first 15-20 times he mentioned it in the previous debates.
Author Archives: Jerrie Cate
In The Beginning
For a lack of anything better to share, I’m giving you a preview of my short story about the history of everything. It’s stupid and obviously make believe and it’s bound to upset more than a few folks. If you’re one of them, I’m sorry.
In The Beginning: the real story
Disclaimer:
“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, ligula suspendisse nulla pretium, rhoncus tempor placerat fermentum, enim integer ad vestibulum volutpat. Nisl rhoncus turpis est, vel elit, congue wisi enim nunc ultricies sit, magna tincidunt.” -Author Unknown
I have it on good authority that the above statement is absolutely meaningless. I looked it up. It’s simply a place holder in a template and we’re supposed to replace it with something of value. I kinda like the way it looks, however, and it goes right along with what you are about to read, if you continue. The following pages are pure fabrication, snatched from my caffeine agitated brain. Please, do not believe any of it. Also, please don’t take offense at anything you read and remember that you have the option of stopping at any time you wish. I mean, being upset about something that’s already proclaimed to be false, is like getting upset with an NBA referee for making an obviously inaccurate call against your favorite team. It happened, and you can’t take it back. Move on and get over it. There will be a makeup call on the next possession.
Preface
Since there’s so much turmoil between various religions about who’s the messiah, if there’s a messiah, if the messiah is coming back, if the true religion is Jewish, Christianity, Muslim, Islam, Buddhism, The Church of Elvis … or Whatever … I thought it’s about time I set everyone straight on what really happened, and what’s going on now, and what you can look forward to.
So, here goes … and remember, this is just pretend.
Ich mein nogginshakin mitt smackinhappy noddinupndown
Chapter 1: Kablooey!
There was a great light that lit up the universe and would have caused blindness had there been any people. But there weren’t any. It would have gone totally unnoticed had not someone made a note of the event so it could be shared at some time in the future. Since everything began with God, He must be the one who took notes. All the writings I’ve read report that when God spoke He referred to Himself as Us causing one to think there was more than one spirit involved, even in the beginning. Either that, or God is the father of multiple personalities.
Anyway …
The light was caused by an explosion of a very small amount of cosmic matter that, purportedly, God had in his pocket. To him it would be like lint is to us. He reached in to pull out change so he could get a copy of the Daily Heavenly Review, and saw the lint pinched between the two coins he’d extracted. After picking it out, he set us free by flicking it away from him, into the rarefied air of his domain.
Time is a subjective “thing” that changes with perspective. To us, God moves in super duper slow motion, so slow He doesn’t appear to move at all to us. For us it’s a frantic voyage. Consequently, what to some was the “Big Bang”, was to God a bit of lint that, when propelled into the “void”, fell apart, scattering particles in all directions. Since that moment in time, “our Universe” has been nudged by unseen breezes, like dust motes, sometimes rising, but mostly falling, toward the floor of God’s living room. If we’re lucky, God’s environmental system will suck us into his air filter and blow us into another room then we can float from room to room in God’s mansion. Some folks think the air return on God’s A/C is a black hole, and the quick trip through the filtration system is a design that moves “things” to another time in space. That’s true, it does exactly that.
As the lint floated, God took notice, and things began to happen. There are six rather long, well documented naps, interspersed with periods of alert activity on His part.
Life on earth evolved in many forms. Some of them are being talked about to this day. Like neanderthals, and things like that. Also, Mastodons, saber tooth tigers, a bunch of different kinds of dinosaurs, and bugs galore.
About a bazillion years later, the guessing began as to our origins and whether or not we humans are the result of creation, or if we’re related to salamanders, or if we’re a little bit of both.
Here’s what really happened …
OK – that’s enough for now. Perhaps that’s enough “forever” for the majority who stumble upon this. Perhaps I’ll finish this one day.
Dreams and Diane’s New Vacuum Cleaner
Today started out nicely because I found a pair of work pants that has knees. Diane hides them so I’ll wear out the ones that don’t. This causes two irreversible problems … my knees always look dirty (but they really aren’t … honest) and whatever washcloth I use in the shower becomes permanently stained the color of whatever kind of dirt I was kneeling in. Red dirt is always the worst. As luck would have it, I should have used my kneeless pants because all I did was lay under the “new” motorhome and get rust in my eyes while loosening bolts on the rear gas tank brackets. I may explain this at a later date. To do this required that I lay on my back so I didn’t even get my pants dirty. They’re good for another couple of weeks, now.
Another plus today was Diane got up early and had coffee ready for me. She hadn’t, however, let the dogs out. Had she done that, I may have caught another hour or so of sleep.
The first thing Diane made me do was help make the bed after I’d ingested a couple cups of coffee. I don’t mind helping with chores because that’s something I normally do. In fact, I get in trouble all the time for taking over a task Diane is doing, that she wants to do, and she yells at me. Really loudly, too. Sometimes I’m afraid the neighbors will call the police for domestic abuse, or something. But they don’t so maybe it’s not as loud as I seem to think it is. As you may already know, my mind plays tricks on me like that.
This afternoon we received the new vacuum cleaner Diane ordered on eBay. Yes, it’s really new, too. Not like the old $10 Rainbow she’s been using for the past 3-4 years. No sir. This one is either brand spanking new, or it’s been cleaned really well and sprayed with something that smells like a new vacuum cleaner. It’s very quiet, compared to the old Rainbow. This afternoon, while lunch was cooking, we tried it out. That’s why we know it’s quiet. It’s also easy to use, so now I might not have to vacuum all the time. I will, however, volunteer if necessary.
It’s good the vacuum showed up because it’s been about 3 months since the Rainbow died. Things are getting a little dicey around here, but I didn’t notice. Diane told me that so I took a shower thinking that would solve the problem. Apparently that hasn’t been working well.
I took a picture of this butterfly in disguise that was rushing across Diane’s bedside rug before we vacuumed it. 
That is, of course an out and out lie. It wasn’t rushing at all. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t even moving. It just stood there looking at me, daring me to pick it up. Little did it know that I don’t pick up strange caterpillars in disguise. So, it was a pointless dare. When I was younger, maybe, but I’m not taking any chances this late in life with all those STDs flying around out there.
Oh yes. That’s not Diane’s bedside rug, either. It’s the one outside our back door that the dogs wipe their feet on before coming back into the house after running around in the soggy yard. I wish.
Now, let’s discuss something of great importance to me. I’ve been thinking about this for the last hour or so and it’s caused me to question even my reality. It’s about The Matrix, as in is it really our reality? I mean, are we all soaking in a tub of goo with tubes and wires stuffed into our arms and legs? I don’t know what caused this to leap into the viewable part of my brain, but it did. Perhaps it was another thought I had about how we all live in a time machine. Seriously. Close your eyes and think about that for a minute.
When you open them, write down all the places your mind just took you. If you don’t think it took you anywhere you must have distractions in your life. Try it in a quiet room. If that doesn’t work, you may need to go to Triple A and get some free maps to see what you’re missing.
When I close my eyes I can go anywhere I want. Mostly it’s places I’ve already been, doing things I’ve already done, but I get to pick the place when I’m awake. I don’t have a lot of control over where my mind takes me when I’m asleep but I do believe that when I’m dreaming, I’m really there. It’s so spooky that I’m always surprised when I don’t wet the bed.
OK … I didn’t mean to go there so things are going the wrong direction. I better quit.
Strictly Opinions
Today I’m wondering why it is I’m compelled to write something on this blog every day. Part of it is the delusion that some who read this, expect me to do just that. I gotta tell you that bending to that ideal makes me feel like a pompous ass. I truly do not believe I have anything to say that would instill in anyone the the overpowering need to consult my blog entry.
It is my opinion that blogs are a way for people to share wisdom, their feelings, their skills, their experiences … all of the blogs I personally follow are very eloquent, full of very artistic word wizardry, and meaningful, touching views of every day life.
Nice stuff, all of it.
The only reason I can think of why anyone would read my blog on purpose – actually there are a couple of them.
One is that I use the right title that sucks unsuspecting readers to my site thinking they are going to be bedazzled with sage information about that title. Truth is, I normally make up the title first, then write gibberish about lots of other “stuff”. Not intentialy, though. I add the title first in order to give me a starting place. Typically, however, where I start quickly morphs into something entirely different as I chase tangents in a schizophrenic dash through my head. I bounce from one thought to another in a manner that has no reason, but that doesn’t stop me. I’m not shy about revealing my shortcomings and that brings me to number Two.
I think people return to me because they want a smile. i know that’s true, in some cases, because that’s what I’ve been told. Well, one of them told me that. Also, I think they come back to find out what kind of trouble I’m in at the moment.
Complicating that is Diane’s objection to me using her as the enforcer in our long term relationship but, it’s a fact. How can I not report the truth? People need to know about this even though most of what I share has no basis in reality. It’s simply how my fingers perceive what my brain is trying to pass along. That’s a legitimate reason for spouting fiction. Most of the time I don’t pay any attention to what my fingers are doing. For example, as I type I’m listening to the weather report from Dave Salesky on Channel 2. He’s talking about snow and lots and lots of rain in Portland. It’s just a mild drizzle here.
The roofers returned today to address some complaints I had about the job. That brings to mind an old saying about how we never seem to have time to do things right the first time, but we always have time to come back and correct it. Why do you suppose that is? Seems to me it would be less expensive for a company to properly monitor their crews, in cases like ours, ensuring they follow the rules and simply do the job right. How hard is that? The problem is that everyone is too big of a hurry to move on to the next job, and the next, ad infinitum, piling up the dough so it can be paid to the cleanup crews that follow them around.
Gotta stop because I’m about to get on my band stand and spout something I may regret. No, that’s not true. I don’t really regret anything I spout. Nope. I’m perfectly comfortable with what my fingers tell everyone.
Cheers.
Golfing, the Ducks, and Rain …
Summer is over in St. Helens, Oregon. I know that’s true because the weatherman said so and I believe pretty much everything he tells me. Actually, he told Diane, on the evening news, and she told me and I believe everything she tells me. Not believing her isn’t an option.
When the rain started our satellite dish took a brief hit, scrambling the pixels for a bit, but straightened up quickly so I could watch the end of the game where the Oregon Ducks dismantled the Arizona Sun Devils. The game started badly for the Ducks with a fumble which was recovered by the Sun Devils who scored on their first play from scrimmage.
On the ensuing kickoff, the Ducks scored then converted for an 8-7 lead. All of this took about 90 seconds off the play clock. For the remainder of the first half the Ducks punished the Sun Devils for that first fumble by scoring 43 unanswered points.
During the second half the Ducks backed off, playing pretty much everyone on the bench. Nick Aliotti wasn’t happy, I’m sure, because the Ducks remained at 43 but the Sun Devils 2nd string scored 14 more points. Final was 43-21. Ducks are awesome. Now the only unbeaten teams in the Pac-12 conference are the Ducks and the Beavers – both Oregon teams. How about that?
Now, about the rain … during the first 15 minutes the sky dropped about 3 inches of rain in the area. Not all in one place, but over a large area, and if it was squeezed together into a smaller area I’m sure it would be at least 3 inches. I’m really not sure how they measure rainfall. I think it has something to do with an empty tuna can.
Most of the day it was nice and clear. I even went golfing with the Peal Brothers this morning. I did my normal terrible, but it was fun because I hit some incredible drives. They were straight and everything. Just like they’re supposed to be. That’s about as good as it got because I apparently can’t hit anything that isn’t setting up on one of those little tee’s. I’m told it’s illegal to use those in the fairway.
After golfing badly, I came home to work on the Blue Bago, but Diane called and invited me to a Burgerville lunch with her Mother. I never turn down a Burgerville lunch. Today I had a Pepper Bacon Cheese Burger with lemon ade. That’s a change because I normally have a chocolate milkshake which isn’t good for my fake diabetes problem.
Now, don’t think that last statement means that I take diabetes lightly. It’s just that I’ve been told I’m borderline and until a specific determination has been made it’s not a real problem I can deal with. I have a hard time dealing with intangibles.
This afternoon, after lunch, I put on some old work clothes and went out to wash the top of the Blue Bago to see what it looks like. When I started it was pretty much black all over. After I scrubbed it with Dawn and water. Turns out one of the previous owners had painted the roof with pink snow roof. Without the dirt it looks mighty festive. Also, it looks great and is nicely sealed. I don’t think it’s leaked for a long time and don’t expect it to leak now. I guess we’re going to find out.
I washed the roof today because I knew it was going to rain tonight and I have work to do underneath the bago … like reconnect all of the gas lines and find out why the system doesn’t work. Being underneath, I won’t get rained on. See, I’m thinking ahead. I won’t get rained on, but my back will probably get wet from all the water running down the road. That’s OK as long as I figure it out.
Now I must rest.
My Blue Bago
It’s not really just mine … it’s ours … mine and Diane’s. It’s a 1973 Winnebago D22 and this is what it looks like right now.
The blue Subaru behind it is the tow car but we can’t tow it yet because we don’t have a tow bar yet. So, it’s a chase car. I may have mentioned that before.
We bought this thing yesterday. It’s been sitting for a year behind a business in Hillsboro. I had high hopes of getting it home yesterday, but gas tank lashup I had didn’t work very well. Today Doug went with me to see what we could do with it. Everything worked just fine until the electric fuel pump froze up. We took it back to Baxter’s who refunded the purchase price because the one we bought yesterday was the only one he had. So, we went down the street a little further to Auto Zone and got another one, just like it.
To power it up Doug suggested we buy a cheap $1.99 extension cord instead of paying $6.00 for a comperable amount of wire. He cut both ends off, stripped the shielding and used both wires for the conduit. We found a hot wire peeking out of the dash that was only hot when the key was on so we were good to go after hooking up the pump to the carbuerator.
The engine started right away and ran exceedingly smooth. There are no discernable exhaust leaks. I drove it home without bolting down the engine cover in the cab so it was drafty, noisy and hot. For the fuel supply I placed a 5 gallon gas can just inside the door and just dropped the end of the fuel line in it after connecting it to the fuel pump.
Tomorrow, after golf, I’ll get a couple more pictures and post them so you can see what a traveling death trap I was driving this afternoon. I did have a fire extinguisher, but didn’t have to use it. The gas can went dry in Warren, about 4 miles from home. I really thought I could make it, but we had to pull over and make a gas run to St. Helens. Thankfully Doug was following me the entire way, keeping an eye on things for me. Without his help today that thing would still be sitting in Hillsboro. I asked him to marry me, because he’s such a good friend, but he reminded me that I’m already married. In response, I told him I was thinking of becoming a bisexual Mormon so I could have both a husband and a wife. He didn’t think it was a good idea, or that his wife would approve, so we avoided that issue the remainder of the day. It was a little awkward for a while after that.
Add to all the other things going on, I now have gout in the palm of my foot. Not really the palm, more towards the first knuckles of all my middle toes. This is going to help me with golf tomorrow because you’re supposed to put your weight on your heals when you swing the club. That will not be a problem.
Presidential Debates
I didn’t get to watch the debates this evening because I was participating in our local Community Meals where Diane volunteers a lot of time. Not watching them wasn’t a big deal to me because the media provides enough analysis to ensure I understand their point of view and who they think won. What I think is totally meaningless to anyone but me.
The fact that the media showcases only two political parties is, in my opinion, stark raving mad proof that they are doing their best to force Americans to believe we only have Republicans and Democrats running for office. In fact, there are nearly 40 political parties in the USA, and 175 qualified individuals have filed to run for president in 2012. Like everything else in politics, qualifying is all about money … not much at the entry level, but it’s still about money.
- The individual has received contributions aggregating in excess of $5,000 or made expenditures aggregating in excess of $5,000; or
- The individual has given consent to another person to receive contributions or make expenditures on behalf of him or herself and that person has received contributions aggregating in excess of $5,000 or made expenditures aggregating in excess of $5,000 (11 CFR 100.3(a)).
So, those who qualify with the minimum contributions/expenditures are ushered into oblivion by those who either already have millions/billions of dollars, or are buddied up with those who do. Money wins. Just like the best movies are apparently, according to the media, the ones that gross the most money on opening day. It doesn’t really matter if it’s a good movie or not … if people buy into the hype and they’ll go to see if it’s all true. Many times, after they’ve already spent their fifty bucks, they discover it was waste of time. Unfortunately, they’ve already added to the monetary success of that film.
So it is with political candidates. Ever heard of these folks:
- JONATHON THE IMPALER SHARKEY,
- GEORGE WASHINGTON WILLIAMS,
- PRESIDENT EMPEROR CAESAR,
- RUTHERFORD BERT HAYES,
- HRM. CAESAR ST AUGUSTINE DE BUONAPARTE
It would be interesting if you have because none of them are well known because they have a limited support base. Plus, they have some odd names that just don’t sound real, do they? But, they are all real candidates for president.
I’m not saying I support any of these folks. I’m just saying there are more than two parties to consider in this election. But, in the end, we’ll wind up with either a Republican or a Democrat running the country.
Then there’s the electoral college. What’s that all about other than a way for each state to sidestep the popular vote, if they choose, and there’s nothing we can do about it. How about that? Why bother? Let’s just let the electoral college call the shots from the start and save all that money that’s spent on paper to print ballots that, for most of the western states, are meaningless.
We’re told to vote if we want change. OK, I vote, but the changes I see aren’t in line with the ones I’d like to see. I won’t go there, but I’m betting that the majority of folks feel the same way.
In my opinion, banks and big business control our destiny and voting for one candidate or the other won’t change it. That’s because, in my opinion, banks and big business pick the candidates.
So, if you were me, who would you vote for? Romney, who epitomizes big business, or Obama, who effectively didn’t exist until 6 years ago? Or, perhaps, “None of The Above”. I don’t think that’s a choice, but it should be.
There, I’ve said it. Doing so takes me way out of my comfort zone because I normally spout fiction, or just make stuff up. So, enjoy this moment, if you must. Tell me how wrong I am, if you wish. I won’t listen because I’m with the majority … I criticize without sharing my opinion of an alternate solution which, therefore, means I’m part of the problem. Since I don’t have a zillion bucks to get in the running, I’ll just fantasize about what I’d do if I were president. It would probably be just like it is here at home – I do whatever Diane says which means, although she didn’t run, she’s in charge.
Just like big business and bankers.
The Blue Winnebago
OK. Now I’ve done it. Just when things were going fine Les sends a picture of this blue Winnebago he found in Hillsboro that was for sale. Interesting, for sure, and I just had to see it. Bad mistake. Now I have to go pay the guy for it and get it home. Dumb.
So, we’re now the proud owners of a 1973 Winnebago. Yea!
I wonder what the neighbors are going to think when we get it home.
I’ll let you know.
Apples
Hi – today I purchased a new Apple Airport Extreme to replace the Apple Time Capsule that failed while we were gadding about. I suspect I should have turned it off before we left, but it’s been running steady for the last two years and I didn’t want to have to reconfigure it. Setting up the Extreme solidified that sentiment because it’s taken me the better part of 6 hours to make it work. But I did it.
I think the extra time spent was due to the fact that I’m convinced, like most males, that using instructions is a sign of weakness. A big checkmark against my manly status. It doesn’t matter that what I’m trying to accomplish is complicated beyond belief, but it’s not supposed to be. I typically just keep pushing buttons and changing settings until all the green lights come on and it magically works. Consequently, it’s difficult for me to repeat the process without pushing all those buttons over again, should it become necessary.
But, it works. Everything in the house is wirelessly connected to the internet, and I’ve installed my new printer (another purchase today) so that it’s accessible for printing from pretty much any kind of hand held device. I’ll test that tomorrow, but I’m confident it will work. It told me it would, and I believe it.
All that’s missing now is the new 3 TB backup drive I bought (today). The old Time Capsule was a 1 TB. It’s full, but I won’t be able to access any of it until I tear it apart and pull the drive. From all the information I’ve seen on the internet there’s about a 100% chance that the power supply is fried, but the drive is good. I’ll find out and let you know how it goes.
Now, my eyes are burning from all this work and I must quit. If any of you have any sage advice as to how I can read instructions, for anything, without damage to my manly status, I’m all ears (or eyes, in this case).
Also, greetings to the one person in the United Kingdom who checked me out today.
Cheers
Doing Nothing in St. Helens
The title says it all with the exception of having to get up around 0630 to let the dogs out. Yes, I’m the one who let the dogs out. I do it every day. Now you know.
After letting them out, I let them in and fed them a nutritional breakfast of some kind of chopped up meat slathered in some questionable gravy, and they love it. I fed the cat, too.
About the cat … when we got home yesterday she was just leaving the yard to go visit the neighbors … wait! You already know all of this stuff … you want to know what happened after Diane brewed the coffee, don’t you?
Well, I poured a cup, settled down on my side of the couch and drank it, very slowly. Then I had another one and another banana. During this time Diane sat on the other couch, not wanting to sit near me since she’s been sitting near me constantly for the past 18 days, or so, and we watched a couple of the 822 TV shows that were recorded while we were gone. A significant thing happened when we were doing that. After watching a pretty boring Bones episode when we decided we didn’t care about watching it any more. So, Diane deleted all the episodes on the DVR and cancelled all future recordings. That left us only 815 shows left, a much more manageable number.
Shortly after 1000, Jennie, Lydia, and Gilligan arrived to pick up Diane for another Gilligan shopping trip. Once they left, I was on my own so I found a comfortable position, changed channels to watch the Oregon St. vs. BYU game, and just sat there until Diane and the kids returned. Then I was given a fashion show by Gilligan and Lydia of all the princess dresses Gilligan got. She loves princess dresses. We love her in them.
After the fashion show I set the Oregon/BYU game to record, Diane’s recommendation, so we could go to Wal*Mart to see about getting a router for the computer and to for sure get Panzee some more canned dog food. All we got was dog food because they didn’t have the router I wanted.
This means, of course, we’ll have to go to Portland tomorrow after church to rectify that situation. And to go look at at 1973 Winnebago D22 that might have our name on it. Hopefully not, but you never know. I’ll let you know how that goes.
After the failed shopping trip I once again parked myself on the couch and cruised between the football channels until Diane got fed up with all the yelling at which time she seized control of the remotes and switched to HGTV. That’s when we decided to eat supper. Diane ate a baked potato and steamed vegetables. I ate a can of Cambel’s Manhatten clam chowder, a bunch of crackers and a pound of cheese.
Now it’s 2100, I’m full, and Hawaii Five-0 is on. Aloha.
Temporary Sanity ... 