Seven Day Absence

A week! It’s been a week since I sat here in front of my over sized monitor, keyboard in hand, to share events about which most of humanity could care less. Some, though, do care. I can tell, because they look herein seeking wisdom which has always been a mystery to me. Well, they probably don’t “seek” wisdon, per se, but they get it, nonetheless.

It may not appear to most of you that there really is wisdom in shared nonesense. I’ve yet to discover what that is, but it’s got to be there, somewhere. Otherwise, why would I spend so much time doing this if I didn’t have wisdom to impart.

OK, you’re right. Wisdom has nothing to do with this. Most folks who write anything have a motive … a story to tell, fact or fiction. Most are a blend of both. I share all this based on simple beliefs, derived in my sleep, which have nothing at all to do with fact. Many of my favorite memories are based on fictional events.

Actually, the line where fiction becomes fact has long since been fatally blurred to the point where I don’t know where that fine point of demarcation really is. So, I stagger along that imaginary line, going back and forth, knowing that most of the time I’m on the wrong side of the line. That’s OK. I’m good with that. I also feel semi-safe knowing that I’ve already share, up front, that most of the events I relate are the result of delusion.

Once in a while, however, there is a moment of lucidity, where I seem able to communicate, even with strangers. As an example, this evening I had a phone call from someone in Ohio who wanted me to take a product survey. I paused, wondering if I should do it which gave the caller an opportunity to deliver her “hook” stating she only had to ask two questions to see if I even qualify to take the survey.

Since I feel qualified to answer most questions, whether or not I know the subject matter, and I didn’t want to NOT qualify for something as simple as this, I said, “OK.”

She said, “are you 18?”

I said, “physically, or mentally?”

She said, after a suppressed snicker, “either.”

Without pause I said, “my wife would say No.”

She said, again suppressing a snicker, “thank you” and hung up. Just like that.

I felt cheated because I didn’t get the 2nd question! I’m pretty sure she thought Diane was monitoring the conversation, shaking her head vigorously, silently telling me not to participate. In fact, I was all alone in a room, by myself, and thought up the answer without prompting. All. By. Myself. Alone. Which goes to prove I can carry on a conversation with a total stranger.

I guess I should be happy because most calls of this nature, to which I respond, end promptly with a click when the caller hangs up in answer to my query about the color of their underwear. Sometimes I just ask if they’re wearing any. Once in a while I get an answer. None have ever shared, with me, how inappropriate my questions are. I’m still waiting for the day that happens. I’ve got an answer for them.

Let’s see … what’s been going on.

Last I heard, Tom’s hiccups stopped and he was blessed with uninterrupted sleep. Also, Linda’s diagnosis is still up in the air, but it sounds like the docs do not believe she has cancer. They’re just siphoning off gallons of fluid from her … one trip they left her 47 pounds lighter. She related that it’s not a fun way to lose weight, but it works.

Other stuff has happened, for sure, but they escape me at the moment. It’s probably because I’m trying to recover from the Ducks’ devastating loss to Stanford. Now Notre Dame is #1 in the nation, not the Ducks. I suspect they self destructed because those people who know everything predicted that Stanford would lose by 3 touchdowns.

So, now, being the fair weather fan that I am, I’ll be cheering on the Oregon State Beavers. They play the Ducks next weekend in the annual “Civil War” between the two Oregon schools. If the Beavers win, and Stanford loses to UCLA, the Beavers should win the Pac-12 North. Then they would play UCLA, Pac-12 South winner, to see who goes to the Rose Bowl. Also, USC of the Pac-12 South are out of contention, for anything, but they can de-throne unbeaten Notre Dame this coming weekend. Wouldn’t that be fun. I normally don’t cheer for USC, but they will hear me next weekend.

That’s it, sports fans.

This didni’t go quite the direction I intended … well, maybe it is, because I didn’t really have a direction. Like normal.

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