Tag Archives: life

Letters to Diane – 23

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Happy Birthday, My Love.

Jeff was over earlier this morning and we sang Happy Birthday for you. Then we both grabbed each other and cried for a while. I don’t know about Jeff, but for me, I’m still living in a fantasy zone where I’m sure you are just around the corner from me and in one of these moments I’m going to run right into you. I miss you so much that I have a hard time coping once in a while. I know this probably upsets you a little but I can’t help it.

Yesterday, Friday, was lost to me. I remember a moment where Jennie took me shopping for some stuff and Jeff borrowed the truck to transport a fridge for Gilligan. Or, maybe, the fridge was today.

The Oregon game was on today and you had it set to record. Thank you for that. Jennie brought the Littles over to watch the game and to add a few ornaments to the tree. She stayed until half-time when the kids started getting restless then carted them home. So, Max and I finished the game on our own. It was a good game. Oregon beat JMU 51-34. It could have been a lot worse for JMU but Oregon dropped their guard a little the second half and JMU took advantage.

Apparently, the wind blew a bit last night because there were lots of tree pieces all over the yard. Jeff raked them all up and took them up the hill to burn. Maybe that was yesterday. Hmmm. I’m thinking I need to write something every day but sometimes it’s just hard to get motivated to do anything. Walking Max is still a priority so he’s not missing his walks.

It’s almost 2130 now so I’m going to wrap this up. Tomorrow afternoon is the monthly family gathering at Jen and Dan’s. I made two batches of fudge for the masses. I ate a piece during the Oregon game and it’s really good.

You can stop by any time you want. I’m here most days and I’d love to see you. My beard is getting longer every day that you are away. I’ve made a vow that I won’t shave it off until you look me in the eye and tell me how ratty I look. So, you should keep that in mind.

Now, I’m going to bed.

ILY, Always

Letters to Diane – 22

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Good afternoon, My Love.

It’s Thursday. I missed coffee with the guys this morning and it wasn’t an accident. I chose to take Max around the block before submitting myself to a physical effort involving loading up our trailer for a trip to Everette, Washington next Saturday. Chuck is the driver. He said he’d be leaving around 0400 so he could miss most of the traffic in Seattle. Makes sense to me.

When I got there at 1030, work was in progress by Larry, Lonnie, Chuck, and Kathry. Chris showed up with me. He’s a Scappoose policeman and I can only presume he’s the Chief because that’s what Larry and Lonnie called him. Nice guy. A short while later, Sheriff Pixely showed up. It was a quite a crew we had.

The trailer we loaded was about 20′ long and was hooked to Chuck’s pickup, ready for the trip north. It took us about an hour to load it which was pretty good. I don’t have any numbers about what we loaded, but Kathryn does. I’m not sure how the process works other than someone calls Kathryn and she rounds people up. You probably know more about it than I do.

It was a good way to finish the morning.

Then I went home and visited with Max for a while. I suspect he would like another walk so I’ll have to consider that. But first I must do some errands. Max can go so he will be happy. CRPUD is first to get our new water heater on the record so they can give us the rebate we earned. Then I might stop by Dairy Delish for a chocolate malt that Max has been whining about for a while.

Just kidding. Dogs aren’t allowed to eat chocolate. So, maybe I’ll get him a vanilla malt, instead.

I took a pickup load of Jennie’s clothes and donated them to the Iron Tribe Network facility located at the end of Shore Drive. The location name is deceptive because there’s no way to get to it from Shore Drive. That’s where the clothes you no long need went. They were very grateful. Jennie sent a couple bags of kids’ shoes.

I’ll leave this one here. I apparently lost my mind for a couple of days.

Love you

Letters to Diane – 21

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Hi, Hon. It’s Wednesday, the 17th of December. It’s almost Christmas and that boggles my little head a bit.

It you’ve had time to look around the house you’d see that Jeff put up some really nice outdoor lights for us. They’re the kind we should have bought a long time ago. They are the permanent kind that never need to be removed. I bought two 100′ sections that wrap the house from the front corner of the carport to about halfway up the inside of the carport from the backside. Jeff did a good job.

You can be proud of Max because he’s getting more trustworthy all the time. I’m no longer fearful that he’ll head for the hills when I take him out before bed. Before going out we have a little talk and he just goes go the steps leading down to the shed and comes right back. I think I’ve mentioned this already, but I don’t care. It bears repeating. To make it even better, I took him down to the river thig afternoon and took his leash off for the walk around in the new section. He stayed right with me and showed me how much fun he had by lagging behind me as I walked, then running full out to catch up. He did that a few times. There wasn’t anyone else down there so he didn’t have anything to divert his attention from me. He got a record amount of uninterrupted sniffing while we were down there.

On the way home we stopped at Grocery Outlet to pick up a few things. Max wanted me to get him new treats but I told him he’d have to eat the old ones, first. He already knew that. We’ve had this talk before. He had a really good time walking all the aisles sniffing the entire bottom rows on both sides. He has yet to pee on anything in the store which really makes me happy because I can almost hear the announcement “cleanup on the dog food aisle.” If that happens, he knows he’ll never be allowed in that store again.

Lydia came home from work a little early today with a bad headache. She texted me to warn me, but I missed that so I was surprised when she popped in the front door. Until the garage door opener gets fixed she can’t use that the enter/exit. So, I guess I’ll have to bite the bullet on that and call in an expert. I can’t figure it out. Must be losing my touch. It’s easy to ignore it’s broken nature because there are two work arounds in the front and back doors. I suppose I could free up the laundry room door and make it 3 options.

I finally put up the folded clothes that were on my bed so I can move around a little at night. It’s been easy to ignore, too. I don’t need a lot of room unless Max decides he needs to sleep where I am. Normally he sleeps on either one of you night shirts, or your old dark blue robe. He likes either of them, as do I, because they smell like you. I’ll probably never wash them. Ever.

I think it’s time to quit. It’s almost 2000 and I woke up this morning around 0700. I woke up at 0700 but I didn’t get up until around 0900 when Daniel texted me.

He relayed a greeting from Nelda to me from one of his crew members who apparently saw her at a bazaar event somewhere in Vancouver. I misunderstood what actually happened and thought she may have called Dan by mistake, but I got that cleared up when I called her this afternoon.

She said she was as this event selling stuff and got to talking with one of the customers and learned that he worked for Intel at the Aloha Campus. Nelda quizzed him a little more and discovered that he worked for Daniel so she asked him to pass along a hello from Nelda to his boss’s wife’s father. Hence, the text which he sent mainly to confirm that Nelda is actually a person I know. I confirmed that she’s real and trustworthy.

Now it’s time to stop and start practicing going to sleep at a normal time. Lydia has been keeping me up really late. But, we’ve kind of developed a routine where we watch 2-3 episodes of a fun series, or maybe a movie or two. We’re watched some really bad movies lately.

If you can find a way. send me a photo of what the house looks like at night with the lights on.

Love you.

Letters to Diane – 20

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Dear Diane,

It’s 1935 on Sunday afternoon, December 14th, 2025. I just added the date and time for the fun of it because none of my previous letters are dated. I didn’t think it was necessary because most people who read these things would do so using a computer. Doing that would make all the dates and time available to those who might be interested. I’m guessing you don’t have a computer where you are but I suspect date and time isn’t important to you at all. I can understand that because as time passes for me I find date and time information less important. Things seem to work out just fine no matter whether or not I know what date or time it is. So, I’m just not going to worry about it anymore. I’ll just live in the moment when I’m aware of my situation. I’m sharing that because there are many times when I’m not aware of my situation. Mainly, that’s when I’m asleep. You probably know all this, don’t you?

I went to church this morning, and I was on time for a change. Everyone there was surprised to see me. I was surprised to see Steve Thomas and his mom, Florence, in attendance. Though I have no memory of ever meeting Florence, it was good to see both of them. Steve looked pretty good, and he appeared to be very happy about his return to the church. As you know, our church is a good one to return to.

After the service I went downstairs and had one cookie and one cup of coffee. I shared the story about the friendship bracelet you got me and everyone was suitably amazed about how you made that gift happen. I just accept it now. There is an explanation, I know, but it doesn’t matter to me. You got the bracelet for me and got it to me. That’s all I need to know. I have proof that you love me. I don’t need proof, though. While we were together you made it obvious that you loved me every day. Adding the bracelet just made me understand that our love goes beyond the grave. I know, you don’t have a grave, but you know what I mean.

Lydia just returned from a trip to PDX with the family where they visited a light show at the Hillsboro Stadium, I think. Then they went shopping. They’ve been gone a while. It’s now almost 2100 now.

So, now I will quit.

ILY Always.

Letters to Diane – 18

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Hi there.

Today is Tuesday and, yes, I’ve taken my pills. Well, actually I’ve only taken half of them. I’ll down the remainder later this afternoon. If I remember.

It’s raining cats and dogs here because an atmospheric river is passing over us. Has been for a couple of days. Here’s what it’s doing to the back yard.

Yup. It’s running pretty hard, making the trip to the Columbia River a quick one. I suspect getting to Astoria quickly is possible, too.

Max and I made our morning trip around the block a while ago. He kind of dictates our route by making it known to me which direction he wants to go. For instance, we’ll be walking down the sidewalk and he’ll see something on the other side of the street that insterests him. He stops, steps off the curb, and looks up at me with his little puppy-dog eyes waiting to see if I’m getting the message. While doing this, he does not pull on the leash, he just stands there waiting to see what I’m going to do.

Before committing to his wishes, we have a little discussion about why it’s necessary for us to make sure there no cars coming because I don’t want a flat dog. He seems to understand but I insist that he looks at me the entire time I’m explaining this to him.

Then we go. On the other side of the street is a large bush that he knows is a place where many dogs before him have left their messages. Sometimes it takes 10-15 minutes to decipher she was there before him. After leaving his response he turns with excitement and heads for the next bush. Turns out he knows all the dogs in the neighborhood so it takes a while to catch up on their activities.

Here’s something new:

The deer showed up and Jeff put them together. It had to be done outside because they are all coated with glitter. The little deer in front were put together in the house so there was litter everywhere. It’s been cleaned up, but it was a mess. Now all six of them live in the front yard. As soon as the photos show up in the ‘cloud’ I’ll show you. I suppose you could just fly by and look yourself, but I’ll send you photos anyway.

Hey! It showed up:

The annual Christmas parade has turned into quite an event last Saturday. This is the one where the group travel around the town accepting food gifts to help the food bank. The parade started on our street just this side of Meadow Park and eventually cruised by Daniel and Jennie’s home. I was invited to join them for the festivities on Matzen Street where many friends and family were gathered.

That’s Jennie holding Jasper back so he won’t get run over. Like all St. Helens’ parades, candy is thrown to the masses and the kids clean the street up. The only candy I got was a piece of bubble gum Lydia left on her chair. I chewed it gleefully.

I still haven’t solved the garage door opener problem. I finally gave up a couple days ago and just unplugged it. If it doesn’t magically resurrect its self when I plug it back in, I will have to give up a little of my masculine nature and call the buiilder for help. It’s very frustrating.

Terri is still sending me messages of encouragement and reminding me to take my pills. It’s nice to know people care.

I think this is enough for today. I miss you terribly even though I see you everywhere. I love you.

Letters to Diane – 17

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Today you totally got me. The bracelet you got for me was delivered to the Hill House today. Jeff brought it to me and we both had a major meltdown. The mystery is complicated by the fact that it was ordered just today and delivered today. I told Jeff that there’s got to be a rational explanation surrounding this gift, but I totally OK believing it came from you directly. I don’t need a rational explanation.

Thank you.

For those wondering what I’m talking about, the bracelet came with a card that said irt was a gift from heaven. It’s a friendship bracelet beaded in morse code that says “Until we meet again”. It also came with a red cardinal on a 2″ glass circle that will be hanging from my rearview mirror. There is also a bag of raw cashews, something I’ve never had before. Thay are very good. Thank you very much for thinking of me. I’m sure you have lots of other things to consider besides me. This gift is another example of how creative you are. Something like the gift is beyond my ability to comprehend something like that. That makes it more special. It’s something I’ll wear forever.

I’m sure will be happy to know that Max has taken it upon himself to help Lydia by policing the litter boxes. He told me, “there’s nothing like a little kitty-roca to get me going in the morning, the evening, or any time.” I promise that I’ll do my best to convince him it’s not a healthy treat. Actually, it’s not really a treat at all, although that’s not his view. Whatever he deems it to be, it’s pretty disgusting. He can no longer lick my face. He’s OK with that because Jeff doesn’t care so he can get the licks.

You’ll be happy to learn that we got some permanent, year-round lights for all occasions. Jeff has been working the last couple of days to get them bolted to the house. If you haven’t seen them, you might want to make it a priority to look our way. I got him 200 feet of them which will reach almost all the way around 3 sides of the house. So, there will be lights everywhere except the car port. I think you will agree that the car port does not need lights. However, if you disagree, just let me know and I’ll get another string to take care of it. I’ll be on the lookout for your response.

I almost forgot to mention yesterday that Lydia and Jennie went shopping at the various craft displays that were made available throughout the town. While they were gone, I was entrusted with the care of our Littles, Siah and Jasper. The boys came equipped with fully charged tablets, so I wasn’t too concerned about getting myself in trouble. I was actually able to spend time working on the December newsletter for Bethany. They’ve decided to put one out quarterly from now on. So, there’s just one for December, then we’ll do a 3-month version in January.

Leaving the boys alone with their tablets, sitting side by side on the sofa, I got busy on the computer. They were generally quiet until Siah managed to poke enough buttons on his tablet to delete all the games he had on it. Interesting that he managed to do that. However, knowing he did it to himself, he managed to remain composed and was plenty happy to just sit and watch Jasper play on his tablet until Jennie returned. She’s the only one who can fix stuff like that. He’s a funny guy. Too smart for a 4-year-old.

The girls returned with many bags of treasures they found. They had a great time, and I managed to not have to use the duct tape on the Littles. They were good for me. or in spite of me, I’m not sure which. Either way, they were just plain good.

I’m signing off now. Lydia just left to take the cookies she baked to their church for an event they’re having. She left me a few in case I get snaky. I also had a large popcorn I got from the theater when I took Max downtown for his walk. Before a popcorn stop, however, we stopped at Wigglebutz to get his toenails trimmed. Jessica was really happy to see him. I spent my time watching Ohio and Indiana beat each other up for the Big 10 Conference Championship.

G’nite. Love you bunches.

Letters to Diane – 16

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Hi.

At 1430 today my BS took a dive. It dropped to 78 and was going down to the point where I was shaking a little and my legs were giving out. I was home alone so I drank a bunch of Ocean Spray juice and checked 10 minutes later. It was up to 88. By 1455 I got it up to 107 so I guess I’m going to survive for a while. I was just about to walk out the door to walk Max when it started dropping. He refused to go outside so I’m guessing he knew there was a crises brewing.

Shortly before that I was driving all over town (to the Credit Union). Short trip actually. I was working at getting your name off the bank account even though I was OK with it being there. But a legal type person suggested that I do that and they wouldn’t do it without a Death Certificate. So, I took them one. Now you can no longer sign into their website, but I suspect you’re not too concerned about it. If there’s anything you want to know about the account, text me and I’ll answer any questions you might have.

I would love getting a text from you. I’d also be happy if you could just sent me a morse code message by blinking one of the house lights. I still remember that stuff I learned in 1962.

While we wait for the crises to go away, Max and I are sitting in our chair drinking Ocean Spray and eating cashews. He doesn’t seem concerned that we aren’t going out after all. I think it’s better to stay in the chair because it will be easier to find me if I take another nosedive.

It’s now 1522 and my BS is up to 162 so my recovery method worked a little too well. I’ll put the OS away and just much cashews for a while. I’m pretty comfortable just sitting here doing nothing. I probably should get the Amazon box off the porch, but I’ll just leave it for Lydia. She loves packages from Amazon even if they aren’t hers. Plus, all the packages we get from them are sent to you. It’s fun to see your name on a new package once in a while.

Keep them coming.

Love You.

Letters to Diane – 15

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Hi,

Today was beautiful. Sunny and bright, not a cloud in the sky. It’s a huge change from the rain we’ve been having. The only evidence I could see that the rain happened is how hard the creek is running. It’s up at least 2 feet now.

I went to church because I thought it was time. I’ve missed weeing all those people. Thankfully, no one was sitting in our seats. It’s been a few Sundays since I’ve been, so I was concerned.

After service, I joined everyone in the basement for treats. They are doing it differently by just putting everything on the tables then going around with a coffee pot. I would have rather had water, but it didn’t appear to be an option, so I took coffee, black. It wasn’t bad, but I only had one cup. It was my first cup because I didn’t have time for anything at home before leaving for church. Max was a priority so I walked him around the block and he was appropriately happy about that.

After visiting with Chuck and Larry for a while I returned home and made myself a tuna sandwich using the mixture I’d made a few days ago. It passed the sniff test and it tasted ok so I figured it would be alright. It was.

About halfway through the sandwich, Daniel called Lydia and suggested we all go to El Tapatio for lunch. Sounded pretty good to me, so I gobbled down the sandwich, drank my milk, and we buzzed on over.

I had an authentic Mexican burrito with beans and rice, Jasper had quesadilla, Dan had a sampler plate, Siah got a pizza, Lydia had something I couldn’t identify, and Jennie had an enchilada. You’ll be happy know that I ate all of mine, like normal. It was filling enough that I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have to eat again today. Jared planned to visit later and offered to cook for us which I was all in for. But, Lyd and I ate so much lunch there wasn’t going to be any need for supper.

Since neither of us were hungry, he made a trip to Victorio’s for a burrito, Lydia had some stuff he had in his cooler, and I ate the popcorn Lydia brought home from the movie she went to last night.

Speaking of the movie, she didn’t get home until almost midnight. Max and I stayed up until she was safely home then we went to bed. I fell asleep without having to read my book. That doesn’t happen often but then, I don’t normally stay up until midnight. Maybe I should practice.

Oh ya. I took the steri strips off the new scar on my right cheek. It looks gnarly but nothing leaked out so I wasn’t too concerned that I’d stain my pillowcase. It didn’t and I didn’t so all is good. I won’t have to wash sheets and remake the bed.

Now I’m going to go get in it, right after I take Max outside one more time.

Love you

Letters to Diane – 9

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Hi,

There’s a lot of stuff going on that’s getting my head in a spin. Some of it’s legal and some of it’s common sense. Mainly, I registered your Death Certificate with the tax people so we can remove your name from the house deeds. All I have to do, now, is figure out how to complete the deeds.

An interesting point is that Don’s Rental is where one must get blank deeds and you have to know which kind you need. They can’t provide any legal guidance because they have no legal authority to do so. So, for $11.95 you get a blank form that they cannot help you fill out. I’ll bet Jennie can help with that. Whoever helps, we’ll get it done so that when it’s my turn to follow you no one will have no problem with the courts for the transfer of the property to our children.

I did very little yesterday (Monday) because it was Bunco night. For the past umpteen years I’ve kept Special Mondays, like Bunco Night, clear so I can watch movies. Or watch a ball game. Or sleep.

I guess that’s a weak claim because I do that pretty much what I do every day. So, like you did once a month, Lydia went to Shirley’s house for bunco last night. I have no memory of what I watched last night. I just remember that I went to bed at a reasonable hour because I had an appointment with my dermatologist today at 0820. That early time meant I had to leave home about 0720.

I talked this need over with Lydia, who considers 3-4 hours of sleep a good night, to see if she would like to go with. Always up for a challenge, she agreed, and we decided we would take her car, and she would drive. That worked for me just right. I think she agreed to all of that because she loves me. I’m grateful for that.

Having that extra hour for travel allowed us to get to the office in plenty of time. After checking in, it was only a matter of minutes before I was led to a room where the surgery would take place. I made myself comfortable and took off all my clothes to await the doctor and her knife.

The look on everyone’s face made me regret my decision to disrobe because the surgery was on my cheek so disrobing was entirely unnecessary. So, I got dressed and sat in the chair to wait.

Halley was the doctor’s assistant and I was a little displeased that she didn’t point out that I could keep my clothes on. Thank goodness I wore underwear today. Then she stabbed me in the cheek with a tiny needle and rendered the desired spot on my check dead to the world.

Not long after that, the doctor showed up and wielded her knife in a professional manner to excise a nifty oval where a huge wart used to live. It was gone already because it was taken to run a biopsy prior to scheduling today’s surgery.

It’s a big hole, but she sewed it up.

In a couple of years you won’t even know this happened.

Now I’m going to stop this before things get out of hand. Good Night, my Love. See you in my dreams.

Jerrie

Letters to Diane – 8

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OK, today you got to me big time. Some PT Cruiser friends came to visit me. A small group consisting of Rick many dozens of businesses you’ve visited over the years. There are lots of them. I went through your email list and unsubscribed them one at a time until my fingers got tired. Then I decided to clean up the applications you no longer need. I didn’t get many done, and I fiddled with just resetting the phone to back to zero, or new out of the box for a new user.

As I looked at the list I quickly came across your Notes app and was reminded of the turmoil I caused that last time I messed with that one. Instead of moving on, I opened it to see what you had on your list.

There are 311 items on your list. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by your last entry on October 15th.

“Remember: You’ll be in my Heart”

I was stunned. You hid this little Gem knowing I would eventually get around to your phone to do exactly what I was doing. As I pondered your message it became clear to me that you were resigned to your fate, to exit this mortal coil long before you should have.

You never said a word about how much pain you were experiencing and I wasn’t able to comprehend what you were enduring. That you were thinking of me at this low point in your life is very meaningful to me and I thank you for that. That sounds like a very simplistic response to the profound message you left for me.

You will always be in my heart, to. You’ve been there since you were 14.

You knew I’d eventually get around to the phone, didn’t you?