Random Thoughts From An Active … on look! there’s a chicken! … Mind

Greetings fellow space travelers. As I write, we are hurtling through the void at the un-godly speed of 155 miles per second. I know that’s true because I read it somewhere. Honest. I did.

Today, during this journey, Diane and I did some weeding in the back yard. We worked until the earth rotated enough to expose us to the unbearable heat of our nearby sun. It must have been in the hundreds of degrees by the way my body was shedding it’s water content all over the place. Most of it seemed to be going into my eyes which caused me great discomfort because of the high salt content of my excretions. The hat on my head was soaked, as were my clothes, before it was determined I was nearing my expiration date at an unexpectedly fast pace. Because of that I was encouraged to stop expending energy and seek comfort, and food, inside our living facility.

Upon entering, I was forced to disrobe, to rid my body of the soaked clothing, and then take a cleansing, antiseptic, drenching in our interior bathroom. Stated in that manner may cause one to think we also have an exterior bathroom, which we do if you count the RV. But, it’s actually within the confines of the RV wall structure, so it, too, is an interior bathroom, excluding it from the exterior category. I find this topic confusing so will move on to something more  … logical …

“What,” you may ask, “is logical to such a severely demented and damaged mind?”

“Why,” I may reply, “I find many things to be logical that others, with their twisted, warped, sense of normalness, find to be excruciatingly complex and morose.”

For example … here I am, doing what I do, which I think is just totally logical, while many of you, I’m sure, wonder what can possibly be logical to someone with such a severely demented and damaged mind. See? We all perceive things at slightly different angles which influences the way data is infused into our brains. I find that logical while you’re sitting there wondering what I’m talking about.

Actually, I sit here, many times, and wonder what it is I’m talking about. As you know, I typically give free reign to my fingers and just let the words flow out. I do not edit anything. What you see on all of these entries is a first run. I don’t edit for the same reason that I have a really difficult time deleting photos I’ve taken that have absolutely no meaningful value. Some because there is no reference about where the picture was taken, it’s blurred, or it’s one of one of many duplicates I’ve created over the years. Deleting words I’ve written, or photos I’ve taken, seems wrong to me. That’s just the way it is.

I keep small pieces of wood, that I’ve removed from larger boards, for the same reason. The small piece was sacrificed for the larger one so there’s just something inherently wrong with summarily thowing it into the burn pile. I’m getting better about that. Now I at least get rid of the sawdust, which was becoming a safety issue in my shop. It was ok until Diane stopped giving me her Avon boxes for storage. After that, there was sawdust everywhere.

That’s not true, of course. I can have all the Avon boxes I want. Every Saturday two of them arrive at our house with “things” inside that I never see. I never see it because I never look. It holds no interest for me. It’s makeup mostly. Now, if it was a pair of Avon Crocs, it might be a little different. I used to get those when the old ones wore out, but haven’t had any for 2-3 years. Now I must go barefoot, causing my feet to get dirty. The rocks hurt, too.

My eyes burn, it’s almost 11, and I have to go golfing tomorrow morning at the mind altering time of 0830. So, I must depart and get my sleep on.


Happy Birthday Daniel !

Greetings Humans.

Today is Daniel’s birthday. He’s our son’s, Jeff’s, brother-in-law. He’s also Tiana’s,  Gillgan’s, Baylee’s, and Jerrie’s Uncle Daniel. He’s 22 now. That’s a lie. He’s 37. If he was 22 he would’ve been 8 when Cedric was born. I don’t think 8-year-olds are allowed to have kids. Not in Oregon, anyway.

After Dan and Jen visited briefly this morning, it was downhill for me because I went golfing with Doug. Golfing with Doug is always fun. I golfed terrible, like normal, but I beat Doug on one memorable hole. It was # 7 and I got a par. First one in the last 15 years. The rest of the holes summed up my typical game by being double par efforts. I actually hit the ball more times than that, but you can’t count more strokes than double par. For 9 holes I got a 68. That’s pretty darn good for someone fairly compentent for 18 holes. So, I play the equivalent of 18 holes whenever we hit the links. Like I told Doug, I’m getting far more for my money than he is because I get to hit the ball more often. As for the par, I have no idea what happened there. I just wasn’t myself for the 4 stokes on that hole. As a result of that stunning effort, I’ve ensured that my handicap remain at 36. Pretty sad, huh? Good thing I’m not serious about it.

After the game I returned home to an empty house because Diane took her Mom, Jean, to the eye clinic in Portland where they both had exams. I didn’t get to go so I have to keep my old glasses. In a few weeks I just know I’ll be walking down the street and my perscription will expire and I’ll go blind. Hopefully it doesn’t happen while I’m driving. That’s unlikely, of course, because I’m rarely allowed to drive by myself, and never while Diane is in the vehicle. Unless it’s the RV. Somehow that just doesn’t make sense to me because the RV can cause way more damage than the car. I told her she’s going to have to learn how to drive it just in case something happens to me. Like I forget how to drive it myself, or my glasses prescription expires. Or she’d rather have me clinging to the passenger seat in abject terror instead of her.

Good news on the RV, by the way. It must have rained about 5 inches today and not a drop got inside. I was ecstatic! My drainage ditch was a veritable river, too, keeping the water out of the garage and most of the driveway. That’s a major coup. But, the floor drain under the washer backed up again. Just a little, nothing like last time. Still, I need to get some more of that nasty drain cleaner before it gets really bad. And, I may have to pour it all over the laundry room floor first, so it will all be clean like the large area that got cleaned the last time I used it. It absolutely sparkles, as much as cement can sparkle.

This afternoon I did some running around town to do some things I needed to do. I can’t remember what they were but I came home with a burrito from a taco wagon that’s been parked along the highway for a while now. Good thing, too, because I was hungry and I knew Diane would’ve been cranky if I didn’t eat something before she got home. It was almost gone when she arrived, so I was safe.

Diane’s in shopper’s heaven now that Scappoose has it’s very own Goodwill store. That’s her favorite place to shop and where she gets all my underwear. Most of them are pretty clean, too. She spent $8 and got a whole bag of “stuff” that she had to have.

I don’t have any pictures from today’s events, but I do have some from yesterday that you haven’t seen. First is my yard trailer that I decorated for the St. Helens Parade … Diane said it won’t last until July so I just drove it down to the burn pile and decorated that. Kind of festive, don’t you think? I’m going to hate torching that until all the blossoms turn brown. And, here’s a picture of 3 or 4 of the 35 rhododenrons surrounding the house.

These aren’t bad, and I imagine most of the others were “cute” when they were little, and only 2 feet apart, but now they’re overgrown and in need of an introduction to the dogwood limbs on the burn pile. As soon as my handy dandy electric chain saw battery is chaged up, and Diane’s gone somewhere, I’m going to do some thinning. There aren’t really 35 of them – more like 15 or so.

Next is some of the many calla lillies that were apparently planted to hide things. When we moved in they weren’t doing their job very well, but have begun to prosper since we cut down all the “stuff” that hid them from any possibility of getting daylight. Now they’re doing quite well and will, one day, cover the gas meter, and the furnace exhaust (not pictured).

As I was snapping the last picture, Diane arrived so I had to hurry back in the house to finish my burrito. This is Diane arriving … just before she started quzzing me about what I had for lunch.

I was happy I had anything left of the burrito because it was on one of the many tables surrounding my computer. The big dog, or the cat, had plenty of opportunity to liberate it, but they didn’t. Ozzie didn’t have a chance. Too high up.

Diane says it’s time for me to go take a shower, so I’m off to scrub various parts of my body. She said I have to use soap this time.

Why Naps Are Necessary

Naps. Do you take them? If so, where do you take them? Generally, I don’t take them anywhere. I just leave them where I find them. Instead of “taking” them, I “have” them. Seriously, how can you “take” a nap when you can just ‘have” them? They’re free. But, it might be important to some folks to think they are getting away with something when they “take” one. When asked, some folks may say they “took” a nap, whereas I “had” one. Those who “took” a nap undoubtedly did so in a premeditative manner. I don’t know if that’s a real word, premeditative, but it fits well in that sentence. Like, “I’m going to take a nap now.” When told that, should anyone try to stop them? It seems so … illegal when posed in that manner.

I’m getting off topic, aren’t I? Sorry.

Naps are necessary to help ensure one’s brain is properly maintained. It’s like preventative maintenance. It’s also like an emergency valve that trips you off line for a short period of time in order to preserve mental functions. This is especially noticeable when you’re watching a really boring movie and you’re on the verge of going nuts … your head flops sideways and you miss the end, which is probably OK. It’s the cheese that you were eating when you nodded off that’s the problem because you’ve drooled it onto your best blouse due to the lack of a napkin.

Napkins were specifically named to identify a tool used to ensure drool does not stain your clothes. It’s mainly for women because they only drool while napping whereas men drool any time they want, but mainly at the beach.

“Kin” is the generic term, and it’s evolved over time to encompass any manner of keeping food off your clothes. There used to be “lipkins”, “fingerkins”, “facekins”, “chinkins”, “lapkins”, as well as “napkins” until someone made the association that all of those were associated with body parts, or locations. So, a vote was called to allow everyone who used all those things to redefine them, and simply call them “napkins”, something that isn’t associated with a body part at all. It’s associated with a bodily function, as is drooliing. The results of that vote were recently brought to light with the discovery of a little known book called “The History of Napkins” which was written in 1232 BC by a fellow named Fritz Gasloppenhimer. Fritz was a hip guy, making all the rounds of the local night clubs, a favorite of the ladies, until they went to dinner. It was then his friends desserted him, and the ladies left him alone because he ate like a pig. It wasn’t so much “how” he ate as to how much food wound up on his hands and frilly frocks. Noticing this abandonment, he began carrying a gunny sack with him to absord the spillage. Not only did his cleaning bill go down to nearly nothing, his friends migrated back and the ladies begged for him to make them a gunny sack, too. He becme a hit and started marketing his invention to the entire world. Originally called the gasloppenhimerniblitzcatchinfrockenclean-akeepin but no one could say that with a straight face, so he went with his 2nd choice of sackawipinhanznmouth, which was quickly shortened to mouthsack. From there the history is lost as to how it evolved into the well known kin. The changes from kin are documented above. I know all of this to be the absolute truth because my fingers told me so. In a dream, and again just now.

Having digested all of that, and cleaned up my face with a mouthsack it’s easy to see how even the smallest insignificant things in our lives are entertwined in some way. I bet you all have stories you can tell about how some small “thing” or “event” placed you in a situation where you had the opportunity to influence someones life for the better. OK, that’s a little far out, and way off topic, but this is true, for sure. And, the topic for another entry.