Dreams and Diane’s New Vacuum Cleaner

Today started out nicely because I found a pair of work pants that has knees. Diane hides them so I’ll wear out the ones that don’t. This causes two irreversible problems … my knees always look dirty (but they really aren’t … honest) and whatever washcloth I use in the shower becomes permanently stained the color of whatever kind of dirt I was kneeling in. Red dirt is always the worst. As luck would have it, I should have used my kneeless pants because all I did was lay under the “new” motorhome and get rust in my eyes while loosening bolts on the rear gas tank brackets. I may explain this at a later date. To do this required that I lay on my back so I didn’t even get my pants dirty. They’re good for another couple of weeks, now.

Another plus today was Diane got up early and had coffee ready for me. She hadn’t, however, let the dogs out. Had she done that, I may have caught another hour or so of sleep.

The first thing Diane made me do was help make the bed after I’d ingested a couple cups of coffee. I don’t mind helping with chores because that’s something I normally do. In fact, I get in trouble all the time for taking over a task Diane is doing, that she wants to do, and she yells at me. Really loudly, too. Sometimes I’m afraid the neighbors will call the police for domestic abuse, or something. But they don’t so maybe it’s not as loud as I seem to think it is. As you may already know, my mind plays tricks on me like that.

This afternoon we received the new vacuum cleaner Diane ordered on eBay. Yes, it’s really new, too. Not like the old $10 Rainbow she’s been using for the past 3-4 years. No sir. This one is either brand spanking new, or it’s been cleaned really well and sprayed with something that smells like a new vacuum cleaner. It’s very quiet, compared to the old Rainbow. This afternoon, while lunch was cooking, we tried it out. That’s why we know it’s quiet. It’s also easy to use, so now I might not have to vacuum all the time. I will, however, volunteer if necessary.

It’s good the vacuum showed up because it’s been about 3 months since the Rainbow died. Things are getting a little dicey around here, but I didn’t notice. Diane told me that so I took a shower thinking that would solve the problem. Apparently that hasn’t been working well.

I took a picture of this butterfly in disguise that was rushing across Diane’s bedside rug before we vacuumed it. 


That is, of course an out and out lie. It wasn’t rushing at all. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t even moving. It just stood there looking at me, daring me to pick it up. Little did it know that I don’t pick up strange caterpillars in disguise. So, it was a pointless dare. When I was younger, maybe, but I’m not taking any chances this late in life with all those STDs flying around out there.

Oh yes. That’s not Diane’s bedside rug, either. It’s the one outside our back door that the dogs wipe their feet on before coming back into the house after running around in the soggy yard. I wish.

Now, let’s discuss something of great importance to me. I’ve been thinking about this for the last hour or so and it’s caused me to question even my reality. It’s about The Matrix, as in is it really our reality? I mean, are we all soaking in a tub of goo with tubes and wires stuffed into our arms and legs? I don’t know what caused this to leap into the viewable part of my brain, but it did. Perhaps it was another thought I had about how we all live in a time machine. Seriously. Close your eyes and think about that for a minute.

When you open them, write down all the places your mind just took you. If you don’t think it took you anywhere you must have distractions in your life. Try it in a quiet room. If that doesn’t work, you may need to go to Triple A and get some free maps to see what you’re missing.

When I close my eyes I can go anywhere I want. Mostly it’s places I’ve already been, doing things I’ve already done, but I get to pick the place when I’m awake. I don’t have a lot of control over where my mind takes me when I’m asleep but I do believe that when I’m dreaming, I’m really there. It’s so spooky that I’m always surprised when I don’t wet the bed.

OK … I didn’t mean to go there so things are going the wrong direction. I better quit.

One thought on “Dreams and Diane’s New Vacuum Cleaner

  1. I never yell, anymore. One more lie to check off the perpetual list of things I do to irritate my seemingly calm and responsible husband.

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