Tag Archives: Writing

Letters to Diane – 4

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It’s Sunday morning. The house is unusually quiet but it’s a welcome peacefulness The busy day we had yesterday was one of the hardest days of our lives, but we endured.

First, the simple act of waking up was tough knowing what the rest of the day held i store for us. You’re gone from us, but you are still very much alive within us. That was made evident by the people who showed up for your service yesterday. I don’t think anyone counted them. It wasn’t necessary. The church was full of people who love you and that was good.

There were very few people that I didn’t recognize but they filled in my memory gaps as they passed out of the church. Your Bunco Babes were there, as well as the PT Cruisers, and the Old Winnowbago Guys. I can’t categorize all the groups who were there right now, but the final view I had was a large group of folks who love you. The affiliation wasn’t as important as their presence.

After Pastor Ingrid got the service going our brave daughter made her way to the lectern and shared her memories of you. She was very brave and has assumed the matriarchal duties of our family with style. She really good at it. I know you already know this, but it still has to be said.

After Jennie, I found myself standing at the lectern, totally unprepared for the reason I was there. I had a couple pages of notes, but they just didn’t seem adequate enough for me to share my feelings about you. So, being true to myself, and you, I just winged it. Unless someone was recording my efforts those words are lost because I have no idea what I said. I rest comfortably, however, in the belief that let everyone know how important you are to me and pretty much everyone who’s heart you touched.

No matter where I go, I see and I feel the comfort of your touch beside me. As we walk, it’s so easy to feel our hands find each other and clasp together like we’ve done so many times before.

From the serious side of things, my mind wanders off to inappropriate areas where I asked Lydia if it’s too soon to start dating again. When I said that I was amazed about how wide she can open her eyes before realizing I was kidding, something I do a lot. It’s a defense mechanism and it changes the atmosphere very quickly.

As I continue to walk aimlessly through the remainder of my life I will be on alert for your touch.

I Love You.

Letters to Diane – 3

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After I closed out the previous letter, I realized that I failed to mention our success with Halloween visitors. Jennie provided a huge bowl of candy because it never occurred to me that we’d need any. It’s good that she did because we had lots of visitors. The “Littles” of course, and Baylee showed up, too. It was good to see them all. I let kids take hands full to see what would happen and most of them were polite and not greedy. One of them said, “I’ll just take one,” and he did. I was impressed.

Today is November 6th which means I’ve failed miserably with my desire to write one letter a day. Maybe when things calm down a bit after Saturday I can get back on track. At this point in time I’m just wandering around in a fog with no clear destination in site.

This entire week, so far, has been filled with sitting in the living room, Lydia by my side, watching some really questionable movies and eating. People keep bringing us food so eating is a must. Movies make time pass.

Today we are going to Costco for things Jennie needs. She’s been busy building a photo board of Diane. We have tons of photos for her and she keeps ordering more from Walgreens.

Yesterday a small package showed up in the mail addressed to Diane. Unless Amazon is available in Heaven this was obviously something that was backordered. She will be happy to learn that it arrived.

It’s been raining most of the time which suits my mood just right. I’m not as sad as I think I should be and that bothers me. I say I’m not lonely because Lydia is with me every day, but I am.

I trust things will get better with time.

it is now 1406 and Lydia and I successfully returned from our shopping trip to Costco. I’m happy to report that I didn’t run into anything going or coming. That’s the furthest I”ve driven the truck in a couple of years. I’m real proud of myself, I am. The only thing extra I got was a jar of cashews. Everything else was on Jennie’s list.

That’s enough for today.

Letters to Diane – 1

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I miss you. Today is Halloween and I was really counting on you to be here to hand out candy to all the kids. Now that you’re gone I guess I should step up and do it. It would be pretty horrible if some kids made it down the street with getting candy from our house.

“Where,” you might ask, “did you get candy?”

Well, I didn’t get it. Jennie did. She’s been taking care of everything since you left us. Watching you die kinda put me in a tizzy and I was pretty useless for a few days. It’s been a week now and with Jennie’s help I’ve become more human, and even a bit useful. That’s what Lydia tells me. She’s living with me now. The family thinks someone should be close to me in case I hurt myself like I’ve been known to do.

Jennie has also arranged your service for November 11th at Bethany. There will be many people there, we’re sure. Jennie’s first guess was 100 guests, but there will be more. I’ll give you the count on November 9th, after the service.

I kinda wished you had made a will. Everything will be OK in the end, but it would have been a bit easier if we had a will from you. You no longer need to worry about it unless you have a way of getting information from beyond. I don’t know if what I send into the cloud reaches you for approval, so we’re really in the same boat with regard to the communication issue. But, I’ll keep sending these notes to you simply based on faith. If nothing else, I’ll benefit from the therapy I get from talking with you.

Good nite, my love. I trust you are well in the arms of God.

It’s Tuesday – Biopsy Day

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We made it through the weekend ok, but it wasn’t as good as the days she spent in the hospital. Being surrounded by busy nurses, day and night, has its advantages over a tired old man. Honestly, the tired old man has the unselfish help of his children to make the right choices, or to do the tasks for him.

Mostly, my job was to ensure Diane got oxygen when she needs it and feed her when she gets hungry. Since she‘s eating like a sparrow, it’s a pretty simple job. consequently, since she’s eating less, so do I.

This morning Jennifer showed up right at 7am to transport her Mom to Good Sam for the biopsy procedure. That left me, all alone, with a list of things to do while alone. Not one of the items on my list referred to me taking a nap, but that’s what I did.

Normally, I take directions pretty well, but my head isn’t working very well lately.

For this day I only forgot to do two things – replace light bulbs in the bathroom and give Max a bath. Not so bad, right. Sadly, those are the only things on my list so it was a total failure. My only defense is that I had a few other things on my mind.

Jeff came to the house and cleaned out the gutters that have needed attention for a few years. That is another thing that was on a list, once upon a time. Now it’s done. That just goes to show you that if you wait long enough, things get done.

Jennifer returned Diane home early afternoon. She was still a little under the influence of the fentanyl that was used to sedate her for the procedure. They made 4 holes in her abdomen to get the samples they needed. It’s our understanding that the biopsy results will be revealed by her doctor when she visits him next Friday.

We’re both very interested to hear the results.

Diane on a better day last September …

Friday – October 10, 2025

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There’s a little turmoil regarding Diane’s visit to Good Sam. Today was the day she was supposed to see her primary care, Dr. Ly, and I think she did, but she changed her annual visit from today to next week. I suspect that’s so he can address the results of her liver biopsy scheduled for next Tuesday.

Before I get too deep into this narrative I need to tell you that what I share is strictly here-say because I don’t spend a lot of time in the room with Diane. That’s not because I don’t want to be there, but because I actually have things to take care of at home. That’s mainly Max oriented.

Speaking of Max … he’s really depressed that Diane isn’t home every day. That’s not normal. He likes ‘normal’.

Jennie took some things to her Mom early this morning and has been with her all day. She’s totally involved with what’s happening with her Mom so if you want the real story, talk to her. She called a while ago to let me know that she wouldn’t be coming home this afternoon as planned (yesterday) because of decisions/suggestions made by the physical therapist(s) she visited. Mainly, she is not to be left alone, ever, and she needs a hospital bed that doesn’t lay flat. This is because of the cancer intrusion into her spine and pelvis. Being alone is a danger because if she falls, something’s going to break.

Normally you’d think Good Old Jerrie could serve that purpose, but because I fall on my face once in a while, I’m not a good candidate to address her needs. I understand.

So, they are keeping her in the hospital until arrangements can be made for her home care team to be identified. Our lives have been changed with the introduction of cancer into our lives.

That brings another thought to my mind. Diane has already had, and beat, cancer about 50 years ago when she had cervical, and uterine cancer. She beat cancer then and has no doubt about beating it again this time.

Your prayers will help. Let’s work to get her home and Max out of his slump. He’s so sad.

I stripped the bed and washed the sheets in anticipation of Diane’s homecoming today before Jennie called to let me know that’s not gonna happen. Max was listening and got really upset.

Because of Max’s exuberant nature, Diane needs to gather all her strength to deal with his welcome home mode. Should be exciting.

Not so normal after all . . .

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8 – number of days remaining until the liver biopsy.

Today is October 4th, so May The Fourth Be With You, My last post, on September 27th, was a little bit optimistic regarding Diane’s energy level, but playing the “Waiting Game” has proven to be a real downer. Her energy levels quickly evaporated while doing the laundry and it’s evident that I need to take the reins regarding that. All she will have to do is “point” and “direct”. One would think I could follow simple rules, right? Well, doing laundry is way more complicated than picking some random dial settings and adding soap to the machine. Consequently, my job shifted from washing to drying and folding. I’m pretty good at that. All I have to do is remember to check the drying once in a while;

Now, about the waiting part . . .

Frankly, it sucks, big time. Diane said the scheduler told her he needed to carve out a 5-hour slot for the procedure. The first one available was on October 14. The reason for the 5 hours is unclear to me but is apparently needed in the event Diane hemorrhages if she moves too much after the procedure. That’s all I know. Then, there’s something about the need for her to set aside some of her extra blood in case that happens,

It’s entirely possible that I know nothing about that which I report. Yeah, that’s more likely to be true. So, let’s presume that I know nothing. I suspect the majority of those who read this already have that presumption. That’s OK. I even encourage that.

Today was a milestone of note for Diane. She ate an entire hamburger! Honest. she also ate some french fries. If she can repeat that fairly often, she will improve quickly and work on beating some odds. That doesn’t surprise me at all because she’s already said, “We’ll beat this!”. We’re working on that.

Surgery

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Today’s the day. I’m alone in the surgery waiting room, waiting for my turn to go sit with Diane while she waits in another room down the hallway. Jennie is with her right now. What we’re all waiting for is 1500, when the surgery is supposed to happen. Right now it’s 1300, so we have two hours to go before the procedure begins.

We left the house at 1100. Jennie drove Mom’s car because Diane doesn’t really trust me much on the road any more. I suggested she might consider having my driver’s license revoked although I do come in handy for making short trips to a store for various reasons. Other than that, my usefulness regarding transportation is about zero since Diane does it all.

On our last trip she piloted the pickup everywhere we went. All I had to do was park it when we arrived, unhook the trailer when we stopped for multiple days, and hook it back up again when it was time to leave. Since we decided to sell the trailer, that means the truck can go, too. Then all she has to do is figure out how to drive the bus.

I’m really not alone in the waiting room. There are other folks scattered around the room, but we don’t talk. That’s OK. Talking to strangers isn’t what interests me at this time.

Since I’m under strict orders to mind my diet, I chose to go eat lunch around 1500. Jennie will join me after Diane takes Diane to the operating room. By the time she got to me, I was done eating, so I just kept her company while she ate her soup. It was pretty hot stuff and she burned various parts of her mouth by testing it to see if it was ready to eat. She finally got it down. Then we mosied beach to the original waiting room to await the end of surgery and recovery. I sent Jennie in to be with her in recovery but I was tricked when she asked for my presence. I was happy to go because I had seen for only a few minutes this day and I missed her.

She was way perkier that I thought she would be. Surgery isn’t one of her favorite activities. She reminded me that anesthesia is what scares her the most, not the actual surgery. That’s a story for another time.

She improved quickly and successfully peed for the nurse. That was the goal for getting out of the hospital. Once that was done I helped her get dressed for her exit, then we headed home. The nurse called the parking valet so he could get the car to the front door so we wouldn’t have to wait. The recovery room crew told me everyone leaves that area in a wheelchair, but she failed to include the part about “patients only.” They didn’t bring me one so I had to walk.

Jennie drove us safely home and Max was ecstatic to see her. Surprisingly, he was gentle with her.

She didn’t stay up long after getting home and Jennie need to gather up her children and get them home. Then it was just me and Diane. I was so very happy she got to come home, as was she.

After she went to bed, around 1900 or so, I stayed up a little longer hoping she would go right to sleep. I don’t know what time it was, but at was ready for bed when I finally called it.

Apparently she went right to sleep because she left a bunch of lights on. I should have checked sooner, right?

That was it for the day.

We Have Cancer!

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For the past 5 years or so Diane has been dealing with what she calls “polka dot lungs”. That’s what all of the CAT scan images she’s seen look like to her, so that name sticks. Her doctor kept putting off biopsy’s because it didin’t appear that the polka dots weren’t getting bigger and the danger of performing a biopsy wasn’t justified because of the biggest one’s position, just behind her heart.

The we took our trip round Oregon which essentially ended in Fossil, Oregon where she visited the Emergency Room for what appeared to be a bad kidney infection. She was treated for that with a dose or antibacterial meds that seemed to take care of it. Briefly.

When we got home on September 18th, she was able to see her doctor who ordered a CAT Scan with Contrast. Doing this opened a more specific world for the polka dots. Turns out they were spots of metastasized cancer from a tumor on her left ureter, we think. The PET Scan may reveal a different source. Regardless, it’s cancer, and she’s littered with it.

This morning, at 0945 we checked Diane in to the Nuclear Imaging department of Good Sam Hospital. This is something she’s been striving to get for a while now. She saw her urologist a few days ago and received conflicting info on what needs to be done.

She was originally scheduled to have a PET Scan today but after the doctor met with her he thought the next step was to give her a stent in her left ureter next to the kidney to stop the severe pain she’s been experiencing. But, the PET Scan was never cancelled so we acted on the knowledge we had. No followup info was provided regarding the stent surgery until she was taken to perform the PET Scan. It was the right choice as her doctor spoke to her on her way to the test then came back and talked with me. Turns out they had hopes to piggy back the stent surgery after the PET Scan today but instead they will do it tomorrow afternoon.

As I type, she is getting the PET Scan done and it’s supposed to take about an hour. Then, there’s another 30-minute part that has a name I cannot remember.

1050 – The first hour of the PET Scan is over and I’ve not heard anything from the nurses so I’m putting this away until I get some news.

Diane finally finished around noonish so we could go home. She was in a lot of pain and hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday,

I fixed us two can’s of soup; vegetable beef for me, and chicken noodle for her, I ate all of mine, she barely touched her’s. She did eat a yogurt which pleased me because she needed something for her stomach to churn on.

It’s now 2130 and she still hasn’t eaten anything but that yogurt. Neither of us can wait for tomorrow so she can get the stent installed and make the pain stop. I’m helpless with this and cannot tell you how brave she is to tolerate the pain knowing what’s causing it.

I’m stopping here. Pray for her surgery tomorrow to be a success,

The Dalles

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Up early due to inability to sleep due to the fact that Diane was unable to sleep due to her damaged back. That sounds complicated, I know, but it really isn’t. Her back isn’t damaged in the normal way because she didn’t fall down. It seems to be related to the medicine she received in Fossil, Oregon that was supposed to help with a bacterial infection she sprung up with. For a while she thought it was just back pain from doing something strenuous. The meds helped for a bit but we were both fooled by her uncanny ability to tolerate pain at a level only professional atheletes can endure and still function quite normally.

She seemed to be getting better as we get closer to home, but her “tough guy” attitude failed causing her to pick a wiser solution that ended with us terminating our last night in The Dalles. Instead, we packed up all our doodads, bit our farewells to Cliff, Susie. Terry, and Carolann and hit the freeway.

You may recognize that his is the first mention of Terry, and Carolann because our traveling partners to this point were Cliff and Susie. Terry, and Carolann joined us in The Dalles to join us in our triumphant re-entry into the Gresham area before venturing on home to St. Helens.

Before leaving last Wednesday morning, I took a long walk with Max, around the parking lot we were using for an RV Park. He was a little confused because he was expecting us to spend one more day on road. I don’t know why he was upset because all he does when we’re driving is sleep.

Diane did ALL of the driving on this trip. She insisted and I wasn’t inclined to argue about it. My job was to get the trailer parked at every RV Park we visited. She did all the rest, and she did it in an excellent manner.

It was good to get home, even though we enjoyed the trip. We made more memories, and none of them were the result of me falling on my face again. The last time that happened was on August 30th. Since then all the wounds healed, the scabs all fell off, and I didn’t even get a small bruise from the trama I suffered. I found that lack of bruising to be unfair. Most people who take a blow to the nose usually get black eyes. Not me. I attribute that to the fact that I have O+ blood. I’m pretty sure I shared this photo already but it’s worth another look.

Once home, Diane got to talk with Dr. Ly, her favorite, and he started her on a path that ultimately led us to the emergency room at Good Sam Hospital. They poked and prodded her, took anothe Cat Scan and ordered more internal pictures for them to study.

There’s one more trip to the hospital next week for the additional internal photos before they can identify what’s going on. They sent us home with a script for Oxy (which she won’t take), and something else for something I can’t pronounce.

My job, until next week, is to keep her from going crazy with laundry, emptying the trailer, and getting everything off all the counters and tables – all the stuff I brought in from the trailer. I got it pretty much emptied yesterday. It wasn’t her choice for me to scatter the stuff all over the house, but I was resolute to keep her from interfering with my methods of dispursing all the bags I filled. There’s a bunch of stuff I left on the patio, and even more that I added to the overflowing garage.

I’ll provide more news when I get it.

Heading Easterly

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Our trip took a negative turn while stopped in Fossil when Diane decided it was time to address the pain in her back and the suspect color of her urine. As it turned out, she was able to see a doctor right here in Fossil. That was a minor miracle. She got first class treatment, a diagnosis of a serious kidney infection, and a medical subscription delivered to a pharmacy in Condon, just up the road a ways. While waiting for her we toured Fossil (it didn’t take very long) and Cliff drove the pickup. I would have drove, but my wallet is somewhere in a USPS truck on the way to Nampa. Jennie found it and sent it to Steffani so we could pick it up when we visit them in a few days. Until then, it’s against the law for me to drive anything.

Once the doctor released Diane, we picked her up and headed to Condon. It’s 19 miles of wobbly road from Fossil. Our destination was the Murrays’ Pharmacy. We found it with no problem but had to wait a bit because the doctor pushed the wrong button, apparently, and the script was sent to Boardman. I suppose we could have driven there to get it, but had we done that we may as well have gone home from there. So, we waited.

Once the meds were dispersed, it was time for lunch so we chose one of he two available facilities. Sadly, they wouldn’t let Max in so we headed to the other place. But, the young lady who ran the craft store next door offered to babysit Max while we ate. Her name is Jennifer.

She was the highlight of the trip as far as I’m concerned. Very nice person. The food wasn’t remarkable as advertised. I think my judgement was swayed by my choice of a breakfast burrito. I had to pick the innards from a list and I didn’t choose well. Everyone else was OK with what they got.

From there we wove our way back to Fossil and spent our last night at the fairgrounds then hit the road again, heading for Grant County Fairgrounds in John Day. It seemed like a long trip, mainly because it went well into the afternoon. We’re normally hooked up at the next site by noon.

Now it’s almost 1100 and Diane is plotting the next stages of our journey. According to the calendar, the next stop is Farewell Bend State Park in Huntington, Oregon. Cliff lived part of his life in Huntington so there’s a reason for that stop. While there Diane and I plan to visit Idaho to get my wallet from Steffani. Then I’ll be legal and can go visit beer joints.

Before leaving John Day, Cliff and Susie are going to visit the Kim Choi Chuck State Heritage center here in town. It’s a pharmacy place from the 1800’s that was quite popular. I may have spelled it wrong, so look it up. Cliff is already gone because the center has RV parking out front. As plus is that they have guided tours and the entire experience is free. Pretty cool.

Here’s what I had for lunch yesterday in Mitchell. A really good hamburger and some apostrophe French fries. Never had those kind of fries before.

Diane said I should mention a little more about Mitchell so I will. It’s just a little divot along Highway 26 unlike the places we’re used to seeing along #26 in the Portland area. It’s. It’s a little confusing to me at times because here we are in a totally known part of the world and everyone has Oregon plates and we traveling the same roads that we do at home. It just doesn’t seem right to me at times. Another road we share is Highway 30.

The place we ate at was called Tiger Town which is affiliated with a like named brewery.

We ate outside under that red awning because they wouldn’t let Max inside.