Tag Archives: love

Letters to Diane – 36 – January 7, 2026

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Good evening Dear Wife of mine,

I seem to have missed the 6th. “How,” you may ask, “can that be possible?”

“Well,” I would respond, “that’s just a common event in my daily life,” with crossed fingers hiding behind my back.

That’s not true, of course. I never hide crossed fingers behind my back. Honest.

So, what happened yesterday? Actually, lets talk a little more about what happened Monday and what didn’t happen yesterday.

Monday I drove myself to our favorite dermatologist to see how well my face healed. You’ll be happy to learn that I drove there and back without incident. While there I was told that I healed up right nicely. I could have told Kate that on the phone. All she had to do was call me. She quickly let me know that I’d need to put on the hospital gown laying on the chair I didn’t use, opening to the back. She also told me I could leave my jockey shorts on. So, I did all of that.

When she returned a few minutes later, she started investigating my entire body for other suspect areas she could identify. After once around, zapping random abnormalities she spotted on my nearly naked body. I didn’t count them, but there were more than ten. Then she got real close to a spot on my nose, right nostril, net to my lip. She said she felt the need to have that area biopsied.

Shortly thereafter, she sent the nurse back in with a hypodermic which she stuck directly into my right nostril and injected it’s contents which deadened my nose. I made it clear that the deadening did not take affect quickly enough. It really hurt. A lot. But I endured, knowing the pain would stop eventually. It finally did, and I was once again able to communicate coherently.

After a few minutes, Kate came back with a scalpel which she applied to the suspect area and removed a piece, which she put in a specimen bottle so someone could look at it with a microscope, then cauterized the wound so it would stop bleeding, and put a little band aid before sending me home to await a call to share the results.

Now, what I forgot to share yesterday was the news I just shared.

Today I got a call telling me the biopsy was negative so I could relax. I was already relaxed. I don’t tend to get upset about moments that tend to make most people tense. It’s a choice we all have. The news just made me more relaxed. Now I have the honor of waiting until my next dermatologist visit so she can burn off the newly healed wound she created. I have no idea when I’m supposed to have my net visit. I’m sure they’ll let me know. If, for some reason they don’t contact me to make my next appointment, I’ll get uncharacteristically tense and call them. I’ll play that by ear because I don’t know how long to wait before I allow myself to get tense.

Today Jennie supervised the receipt of their new refrigerator. She’s very happy. I was second choice to be at the house when it was delivered. Since I wasn’t needed, I didn’t do much today except walk Max and eat stuff.

It was a good day.

Love you.

G’nite.

Your Jer

Letters to Diane – 23

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Happy Birthday, My Love.

Jeff was over earlier this morning and we sang Happy Birthday for you. Then we both grabbed each other and cried for a while. I don’t know about Jeff, but for me, I’m still living in a fantasy zone where I’m sure you are just around the corner from me and in one of these moments I’m going to run right into you. I miss you so much that I have a hard time coping once in a while. I know this probably upsets you a little but I can’t help it.

Yesterday, Friday, was lost to me. I remember a moment where Jennie took me shopping for some stuff and Jeff borrowed the truck to transport a fridge for Gilligan. Or, maybe, the fridge was today.

The Oregon game was on today and you had it set to record. Thank you for that. Jennie brought the Littles over to watch the game and to add a few ornaments to the tree. She stayed until half-time when the kids started getting restless then carted them home. So, Max and I finished the game on our own. It was a good game. Oregon beat JMU 51-34. It could have been a lot worse for JMU but Oregon dropped their guard a little the second half and JMU took advantage.

Apparently, the wind blew a bit last night because there were lots of tree pieces all over the yard. Jeff raked them all up and took them up the hill to burn. Maybe that was yesterday. Hmmm. I’m thinking I need to write something every day but sometimes it’s just hard to get motivated to do anything. Walking Max is still a priority so he’s not missing his walks.

It’s almost 2130 now so I’m going to wrap this up. Tomorrow afternoon is the monthly family gathering at Jen and Dan’s. I made two batches of fudge for the masses. I ate a piece during the Oregon game and it’s really good.

You can stop by any time you want. I’m here most days and I’d love to see you. My beard is getting longer every day that you are away. I’ve made a vow that I won’t shave it off until you look me in the eye and tell me how ratty I look. So, you should keep that in mind.

Now, I’m going to bed.

ILY, Always

Letters to Diane – 21

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Hi, Hon. It’s Wednesday, the 17th of December. It’s almost Christmas and that boggles my little head a bit.

It you’ve had time to look around the house you’d see that Jeff put up some really nice outdoor lights for us. They’re the kind we should have bought a long time ago. They are the permanent kind that never need to be removed. I bought two 100′ sections that wrap the house from the front corner of the carport to about halfway up the inside of the carport from the backside. Jeff did a good job.

You can be proud of Max because he’s getting more trustworthy all the time. I’m no longer fearful that he’ll head for the hills when I take him out before bed. Before going out we have a little talk and he just goes go the steps leading down to the shed and comes right back. I think I’ve mentioned this already, but I don’t care. It bears repeating. To make it even better, I took him down to the river thig afternoon and took his leash off for the walk around in the new section. He stayed right with me and showed me how much fun he had by lagging behind me as I walked, then running full out to catch up. He did that a few times. There wasn’t anyone else down there so he didn’t have anything to divert his attention from me. He got a record amount of uninterrupted sniffing while we were down there.

On the way home we stopped at Grocery Outlet to pick up a few things. Max wanted me to get him new treats but I told him he’d have to eat the old ones, first. He already knew that. We’ve had this talk before. He had a really good time walking all the aisles sniffing the entire bottom rows on both sides. He has yet to pee on anything in the store which really makes me happy because I can almost hear the announcement “cleanup on the dog food aisle.” If that happens, he knows he’ll never be allowed in that store again.

Lydia came home from work a little early today with a bad headache. She texted me to warn me, but I missed that so I was surprised when she popped in the front door. Until the garage door opener gets fixed she can’t use that the enter/exit. So, I guess I’ll have to bite the bullet on that and call in an expert. I can’t figure it out. Must be losing my touch. It’s easy to ignore it’s broken nature because there are two work arounds in the front and back doors. I suppose I could free up the laundry room door and make it 3 options.

I finally put up the folded clothes that were on my bed so I can move around a little at night. It’s been easy to ignore, too. I don’t need a lot of room unless Max decides he needs to sleep where I am. Normally he sleeps on either one of you night shirts, or your old dark blue robe. He likes either of them, as do I, because they smell like you. I’ll probably never wash them. Ever.

I think it’s time to quit. It’s almost 2000 and I woke up this morning around 0700. I woke up at 0700 but I didn’t get up until around 0900 when Daniel texted me.

He relayed a greeting from Nelda to me from one of his crew members who apparently saw her at a bazaar event somewhere in Vancouver. I misunderstood what actually happened and thought she may have called Dan by mistake, but I got that cleared up when I called her this afternoon.

She said she was as this event selling stuff and got to talking with one of the customers and learned that he worked for Intel at the Aloha Campus. Nelda quizzed him a little more and discovered that he worked for Daniel so she asked him to pass along a hello from Nelda to his boss’s wife’s father. Hence, the text which he sent mainly to confirm that Nelda is actually a person I know. I confirmed that she’s real and trustworthy.

Now it’s time to stop and start practicing going to sleep at a normal time. Lydia has been keeping me up really late. But, we’ve kind of developed a routine where we watch 2-3 episodes of a fun series, or maybe a movie or two. We’re watched some really bad movies lately.

If you can find a way. send me a photo of what the house looks like at night with the lights on.

Love you.

Letters to Diane – 20

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Dear Diane,

It’s 1935 on Sunday afternoon, December 14th, 2025. I just added the date and time for the fun of it because none of my previous letters are dated. I didn’t think it was necessary because most people who read these things would do so using a computer. Doing that would make all the dates and time available to those who might be interested. I’m guessing you don’t have a computer where you are but I suspect date and time isn’t important to you at all. I can understand that because as time passes for me I find date and time information less important. Things seem to work out just fine no matter whether or not I know what date or time it is. So, I’m just not going to worry about it anymore. I’ll just live in the moment when I’m aware of my situation. I’m sharing that because there are many times when I’m not aware of my situation. Mainly, that’s when I’m asleep. You probably know all this, don’t you?

I went to church this morning, and I was on time for a change. Everyone there was surprised to see me. I was surprised to see Steve Thomas and his mom, Florence, in attendance. Though I have no memory of ever meeting Florence, it was good to see both of them. Steve looked pretty good, and he appeared to be very happy about his return to the church. As you know, our church is a good one to return to.

After the service I went downstairs and had one cookie and one cup of coffee. I shared the story about the friendship bracelet you got me and everyone was suitably amazed about how you made that gift happen. I just accept it now. There is an explanation, I know, but it doesn’t matter to me. You got the bracelet for me and got it to me. That’s all I need to know. I have proof that you love me. I don’t need proof, though. While we were together you made it obvious that you loved me every day. Adding the bracelet just made me understand that our love goes beyond the grave. I know, you don’t have a grave, but you know what I mean.

Lydia just returned from a trip to PDX with the family where they visited a light show at the Hillsboro Stadium, I think. Then they went shopping. They’ve been gone a while. It’s now almost 2100 now.

So, now I will quit.

ILY Always.

Letters to Diane – 17

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Today you totally got me. The bracelet you got for me was delivered to the Hill House today. Jeff brought it to me and we both had a major meltdown. The mystery is complicated by the fact that it was ordered just today and delivered today. I told Jeff that there’s got to be a rational explanation surrounding this gift, but I totally OK believing it came from you directly. I don’t need a rational explanation.

Thank you.

For those wondering what I’m talking about, the bracelet came with a card that said irt was a gift from heaven. It’s a friendship bracelet beaded in morse code that says “Until we meet again”. It also came with a red cardinal on a 2″ glass circle that will be hanging from my rearview mirror. There is also a bag of raw cashews, something I’ve never had before. Thay are very good. Thank you very much for thinking of me. I’m sure you have lots of other things to consider besides me. This gift is another example of how creative you are. Something like the gift is beyond my ability to comprehend something like that. That makes it more special. It’s something I’ll wear forever.

I’m sure will be happy to know that Max has taken it upon himself to help Lydia by policing the litter boxes. He told me, “there’s nothing like a little kitty-roca to get me going in the morning, the evening, or any time.” I promise that I’ll do my best to convince him it’s not a healthy treat. Actually, it’s not really a treat at all, although that’s not his view. Whatever he deems it to be, it’s pretty disgusting. He can no longer lick my face. He’s OK with that because Jeff doesn’t care so he can get the licks.

You’ll be happy to learn that we got some permanent, year-round lights for all occasions. Jeff has been working the last couple of days to get them bolted to the house. If you haven’t seen them, you might want to make it a priority to look our way. I got him 200 feet of them which will reach almost all the way around 3 sides of the house. So, there will be lights everywhere except the car port. I think you will agree that the car port does not need lights. However, if you disagree, just let me know and I’ll get another string to take care of it. I’ll be on the lookout for your response.

I almost forgot to mention yesterday that Lydia and Jennie went shopping at the various craft displays that were made available throughout the town. While they were gone, I was entrusted with the care of our Littles, Siah and Jasper. The boys came equipped with fully charged tablets, so I wasn’t too concerned about getting myself in trouble. I was actually able to spend time working on the December newsletter for Bethany. They’ve decided to put one out quarterly from now on. So, there’s just one for December, then we’ll do a 3-month version in January.

Leaving the boys alone with their tablets, sitting side by side on the sofa, I got busy on the computer. They were generally quiet until Siah managed to poke enough buttons on his tablet to delete all the games he had on it. Interesting that he managed to do that. However, knowing he did it to himself, he managed to remain composed and was plenty happy to just sit and watch Jasper play on his tablet until Jennie returned. She’s the only one who can fix stuff like that. He’s a funny guy. Too smart for a 4-year-old.

The girls returned with many bags of treasures they found. They had a great time, and I managed to not have to use the duct tape on the Littles. They were good for me. or in spite of me, I’m not sure which. Either way, they were just plain good.

I’m signing off now. Lydia just left to take the cookies she baked to their church for an event they’re having. She left me a few in case I get snaky. I also had a large popcorn I got from the theater when I took Max downtown for his walk. Before a popcorn stop, however, we stopped at Wigglebutz to get his toenails trimmed. Jessica was really happy to see him. I spent my time watching Ohio and Indiana beat each other up for the Big 10 Conference Championship.

G’nite. Love you bunches.

Letters to Diane – 14

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It’s been a busy here at the Creek House the last few days. Since the remaining members of the family don’t think I should wear your clothes, they convinced me to donate them to people who can. So, it was first brought to the living room where someone stacked them on the sofas in a way that would not interfere with my view of the television. Lydia’s view was not impaired, either.

Jennie was the driver for making this move because I was perfectly OK with just leaving all the clothes scattered throughout the house, but there was a need to make room in Lydia’s closet for her things. I don’t know how long she will be living here but that doesn’t matter, either. I’m just Mister Mellow and I’m Ok with whatever my supervisors decide. I say that believing that you will also approve.

Yesterday we had family visitors remove a majority of the items from the kitchen counter and the dining room table. Both horizontal surfaces were covered with stuff removed from your bathroom closet. Most of it was girly stuff, as you know, but there were a few items I was able to call my own. In addition to the Pepto Bismal I think there was some body wash that I could use. Thank you for that.

Now I’m hunkered down in my chair waiting for the Oregon vs. Washington football game. It’s going to be a doozy. You probably already know that and I so miss you sitting next to me for the game. I’ll let you know who won tomorrow.

The creek is really running hard with all the rain we’ve been having. It’s strong enough to take Max all the way to Astoria if I were to turn him loose. He would love to go wading, but I don’t think I can run, or swim well enough to get him back if he decided to take a dip. So, he doesn’t get to go outside unless he’s wearing his walking gear. He’s well aware of this rule and doesn’t try to get past me when I open the slider to let him out back.

I’ve taken him out a few times off leash and he runs next door like normal, but he comes right back. When Lydia was moving her “things” into the house it was mostly at night, so I left the doors open and he stuck with us going in and out. He got so trust-worthy that we kinda forgot him a couple of times when we all went into the house without him. It took a bit of time for me to realize he was missing. When I did, I went to the patio door and whistled a couple of times, and he came running home right away. Every time. You can imagine how happy that made Jerrie.

I’ve fiddled around on this, and resting, all day and here it is dark outside. I just got back from taking Max on his afternoon walk. I’m really happy with all those fuzzy coats you got me because it’s getting cold outside. A few of the football games today were played in the snow. watching a bit of one of those made outside feel colder. Oregon won, by the way, in case you wondered.

Tonight Jerrie, who lives up the hill, is having a Friendsgiving party at the house. I thought that was pretty neat. Just like we do every year with the Winnebago group.

For Max’s morning walk today, I drove him downtown so we could walk around in the new construction area by the river. He thought that was great. A whole bunch of new stuff to sniff.

I must stop now. My fingers are tired and I bet you’re just tired of reading all this drivel.

I love you and miss you.

Letters to Diane – 8

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OK, today you got to me big time. Some PT Cruiser friends came to visit me. A small group consisting of Rick many dozens of businesses you’ve visited over the years. There are lots of them. I went through your email list and unsubscribed them one at a time until my fingers got tired. Then I decided to clean up the applications you no longer need. I didn’t get many done, and I fiddled with just resetting the phone to back to zero, or new out of the box for a new user.

As I looked at the list I quickly came across your Notes app and was reminded of the turmoil I caused that last time I messed with that one. Instead of moving on, I opened it to see what you had on your list.

There are 311 items on your list. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by your last entry on October 15th.

“Remember: You’ll be in my Heart”

I was stunned. You hid this little Gem knowing I would eventually get around to your phone to do exactly what I was doing. As I pondered your message it became clear to me that you were resigned to your fate, to exit this mortal coil long before you should have.

You never said a word about how much pain you were experiencing and I wasn’t able to comprehend what you were enduring. That you were thinking of me at this low point in your life is very meaningful to me and I thank you for that. That sounds like a very simplistic response to the profound message you left for me.

You will always be in my heart, to. You’ve been there since you were 14.

You knew I’d eventually get around to the phone, didn’t you?

Letters to Diane – 7

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Hi Hon. Been thinking about you non-stop and adding that a chance to look you in the eyes would be nice. Not likely, I know, but I can wish.

Each day I encounter more evidence about how brave you are. First was a short discussion with Jennifer about a talk you had with the doctor on, or about, October 21st when he asked if you wanted to consider the suicide departure if the liver biopsy wasn’t encouraging. It’s my understanding that you vetoed that option. That just wasn’t you at all. You’re a fighter even when the odds were so drastically against you. I can only thank you for enduring the pain because I’m not sure how I would have reacted if suicide had been your choice.

Then, today, Carolann called to check on me and we had nice visit. She reminded me that we have a date on the 21st at Simms in Scappoose. We’ll, of course, be talking about you in that venue. The last time we were there, as I recall, was with this same group. It’s been a while, but I think I’m right.

What I learned from Carolann was a conversation she had with you at some point before all the turmoil started with the hospital visits. She said you shared that you didn’t want to “linger” which, you thought, would cause more turmoil in the family. You wanted to fight your way through this, and you knew it early on.

Because of that I’m more in awe of your will to endure whatever cancer could throw at you. Although there was no hope for a recovery, you gave it all you had, and then some.

I’m gushing, I know. But I’m so proud of you, I can’t help myself. For those of us who remain, you gave us a life lesson in how to deal with tragedy head on with dignity.

Going forward, I’m going to bask in the knowledge that of all the choices you could have made, you chose me. I loved every second of it.

Letters to Diane – 4

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It’s Sunday morning. The house is unusually quiet but it’s a welcome peacefulness The busy day we had yesterday was one of the hardest days of our lives, but we endured.

First, the simple act of waking up was tough knowing what the rest of the day held i store for us. You’re gone from us, but you are still very much alive within us. That was made evident by the people who showed up for your service yesterday. I don’t think anyone counted them. It wasn’t necessary. The church was full of people who love you and that was good.

There were very few people that I didn’t recognize but they filled in my memory gaps as they passed out of the church. Your Bunco Babes were there, as well as the PT Cruisers, and the Old Winnowbago Guys. I can’t categorize all the groups who were there right now, but the final view I had was a large group of folks who love you. The affiliation wasn’t as important as their presence.

After Pastor Ingrid got the service going our brave daughter made her way to the lectern and shared her memories of you. She was very brave and has assumed the matriarchal duties of our family with style. She really good at it. I know you already know this, but it still has to be said.

After Jennie, I found myself standing at the lectern, totally unprepared for the reason I was there. I had a couple pages of notes, but they just didn’t seem adequate enough for me to share my feelings about you. So, being true to myself, and you, I just winged it. Unless someone was recording my efforts those words are lost because I have no idea what I said. I rest comfortably, however, in the belief that let everyone know how important you are to me and pretty much everyone who’s heart you touched.

No matter where I go, I see and I feel the comfort of your touch beside me. As we walk, it’s so easy to feel our hands find each other and clasp together like we’ve done so many times before.

From the serious side of things, my mind wanders off to inappropriate areas where I asked Lydia if it’s too soon to start dating again. When I said that I was amazed about how wide she can open her eyes before realizing I was kidding, something I do a lot. It’s a defense mechanism and it changes the atmosphere very quickly.

As I continue to walk aimlessly through the remainder of my life I will be on alert for your touch.

I Love You.

Day 105 -Saturday – Football, Maybe

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Saturdays are usually my day to watch NCAA football, but Oregon had time off after winning the Big 10 conference championship game. We won’t see them again until the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Day. Until then I just kinda watch whoever shows up on the TV.

I actually started watching the Army vs. Navy game and saw Navy score first, but let it go when a movie came on that Diane had set to record. Since our Dish receiver only has one tuner we can’t record a show and watch a different channel. Diane was out at the time, replenishing our food and I know she would not have minded if I have cancelled the recording. It didn’t seem right, though, so I just let the system change channels. I heard later that Navy went on to win that game 31-13. How about that? The only other scores that sometimes interest me is when Notre Dame gets beat.

After Diane returned, we went off base and got the car washed because we’re going to church tomorrow in Saddle Brooke. This trip is so we can visit with pattyaz and her husband geneaz. With the use of very few brain cells I think most of you can interpret those names to be Patty and Gene. Patty is Diane’s legitimate cousin and, therefore, my cousin by marriage. Patty and I were also classmates all through high school in Scappoose. Unlike me, Patty paid attention in all her classes.

Because of our lack of activity this day, I don’t have any new photos, except for this stellar sunset. I’ll leave you with that.

Kinda nice, huh?