A few days ago I decided to start parting my hair, now that’s it’s grown back, on the right side instead of the left. I wanted everyone to think I was left-handed now. Oddly, parting it on the left side, as most right-handed people do, required me to use my left hand, and the opposite is true for parting it on the right side.

Doesn’t matter, I guess, because no one noticed. I’m just a transparent human shaped object. People walk around me without realizing I’m there. I’ve therefore decided that I’m at least mostly invisible, as long as I don’t talk, make loud noises, or move too quickly.

Today started out looking pretty grim, but ended with warmth and sunshine. Tomorrow is supposed to be the nicest day of the week so I’m going golfing for the first time in a while. Doug called to invite me and Diane said I could go. I’ll let you know how I did, but I’ll probably lie about it.

We went to church, like normal for Sunday, taking Diane’s Mom, Jean. Since today was the last day for Sunday School for the duration of Summer, the kids hosted our coffee hour. So, before lunch, I had a rootbeer float. I coulda had an orange float, but declined.

On the way home, Diane drove through a random fast food drive thru and ordered a large container of dead chicken for lunch. She got mashed potatoes and coleslaw, too. And biscuits with honey. The container held 2 drumsticks, 2 wings, two thighs, and two bresatesses. Diane got the drumsticks, Mom got the wings, and I got the thighs. The breastesses went home with Mom a short while ago. We’ll never see them again.

For dessert, Diane baked a cherry pie. It was totally awesome. Since it’s my Birthday Pie, I made a semi-complaint that it didn’t have a candle on it. She retorted, saying that tomorrow she’s going to put a candle on eveything I eat. I don’t see how that’s possible because I’m pretty sure we don’t have enough candles to handle the bowl of cheerios I plan to eat in the morning. PLUS, she won’t even be up before I leave, I bet. And that’s OK because she’s earned the right to sleep as long as she wants because both the cat and our little fake dog sleep on her bed ensuring that she remains in one position all night. At the appointed time, each morning, they wake me to let them out, allowing Diane freedom to relax and actually rest.

Don’t forget to ask me how well I golfed. Since I’m going to lie about it anyway, I could tell you how awesome I am now, but that would ruin it.

Tomorrow, about this same time, life insurance, if decided to get some, will be impossibly expensive because I’ll no longer be 68.

Now I’m going to go eat redvines until it’s time for bed.