Golf, Soccer, Softball, a Winnebago, & Visitors

Posted on February 24, 2015 by Jerrie Cate

Let’s see … what’s been going on. I golfed with JP on February 17th and discovered that I can semi-consistently hit a pitching wedge 100 yards. I can even hit it in the general direction I think I’m aiming. JP can hit a 5-wood about half as far as I can hit the pitching wedge. That’s not bragging, by any means, because I’ve never, ever beaten JP on the golf course. Until today. I beat him by one stroke and I even got a par on one hole. It was a good day.

The new owner of the old 1973 Winnebago called me on February 18th and was obviously at his wit’s end because he couldn’t get it started. Since he was still in St. Helens, I shelved my baseboard project for a moment, one of the remodels I had to do because of pending visitors, and went to see what I could do. Turns out the fully charged battery his friend gave him wasn’t really charged at all. It was dead as a door nail and it just happened to be the battery for the engine and lights. The other battery had juice and worked the 12V house lights just fine. So, he retrieved the battery that he replaced and we discovered it actually had a 12.5 V charge, enough to kick the engine over. We hooked it up, and it did the job. The engine ran just great. My job was done and he was very grateful. I could tell that by the way he drove away.

After getting that little task complete I went back to the house to participate in the scheduled full on field day to clean house for visitors, previously mentioned, this weekend. They aren’t technically visitors because we’re all related in some way. One of them is the Brother-in-law of one of my Sisters-in-law who is also the father of some sort of niece, Maryssa, who was the focus of the visit. There was a lot of college softball going on over the course of February 20, 21, and 22. In the middle of all those games was a soccer match at which Lydia, the daughter of my oldest son’s brother-in-law and his wife, played goalie, or Keeper as the soccer crowd seems to prefer. I won’t burden you with scores but will admit that I had a great time watching all of the games. It was exciting, even the soccer, which previously held no interest for me because I failed to comprehend the rules and, therefore, found it profoundly confusing. I’m learning, however, and now find it very exciting. Softball is always exciting. Maryssa is a freshman at Eastern Oregon University and was, we later discovered, playing while coping with a case of mononucleosis. How fun do you think that was? Still, she got her first college RBI and we got to see it.

I’d tell you what happened yesterday but I really don’t know because I apparently removed a crucial calendar entry that would have provided that information. Guess it will forever be one of those mysteries.

Now I must quit and contemplate how much it’s going to rain tomorrow. The last 5-6 days have been glorious but we knew it wouldn’t last. Thankfully, I was able to squeeze enough gas out of the array of gas containers I found around the house to allow me to mow the front and back yards. Sadly, I didn’t have enough time to mow the lower 40 so it will grow unimpeded until spring at which time it will no doubt be a foot or two tall and will take a couple of days of slow motion mowing to finish.

Also, Diane bought me peanut brittle for being good. I’m going to go eat some. I’ll leave you with a few photos of the family visit and activities.

This is Bob making friends with Ozzie. He works on that every time he visits and Ozzie displayed evidence that he remembered Bob because he didn’t bite him this time.

Wynette and Donna watching the ball game. It was a beautiful day, but really cold. Like 9 degrees, I think. Looking at this makes me wonder why I didn’t realize that Wynette is so much taller than Donna. I think it evens out a little when they stand up.

At Sunday’s game, the first of two, Lydia thought painting her toes would be a good idea. Like I said, it was around 9 degrees with the wind chill factor and she’s barefooted.

Here’s part of the crew between Sunday’s games: Jennifer, Jeran, Cedric, Maryssa, Lydia, and Steffani.

Here I am playing golf today in one of my best T-shirts. Apparently I’m the only one who knew it was “Dress Up Golf Day” because everyone else looked normal. Also, I wanted to point out how all the skin on my face is dripping down my neck into my shirt like frosting on a cake. It’s much worse when I take my hat off.

Golf & Going to Wal*Mart

Posted on January 30, 2015 by Jerrie Cate

Today it didn’t rain, again. That’s, like, 3-4 days in a row that it hasn’t rained. Things are still pretty wet, though, because we are smothered in thick fog most of the time because of our proximity to the mighty Columbia River. Typical for this time of year. The fog, however, doesn’t keep the avid golfers among us off the links. No siree. They go out there with lots of faith that once they hit their balls they’ll be able to find them. I, of course, go along just for the fun of it because I’m kinduva golf sheep. You, know, the one who just follows the crowd.

So, a 10am appointment was firmed up for this morning. Before doing that, however, I had to visit the local lab to donate blood to ensure my drug levels were within tolerance for someone my age. They were also testing my BS level to see if it’s out of whack. I think it was so the doc could check my blood sugar, too, but that’s a guess.

I was only a few minutes late to tee off so all was well since none of us are ever in much of a hurry. As I was paying my $10 green fees I spied a nice pair of Nike golf shoes that were on sale. I’ve never in my life purchased a new pair of golf shoes. I’ve never ever purchased new clubs or new balls, either. All my stuff is donated or purchased at Good Will. I’m a seriously cheap golfer. Today, however, these shoes kind of called my name. Damn those shoes. I was on my way out the door when I heard them call to me. So, I picked them up and saw that they were size 10 1/2 and they appeared to be the same length as my sneakers when I put them sole to sole, so decided to try them on. I knew it was a mistake, but I couldn’t help myself because on the box it said they were waterproof. During winter golf in sneakers your feet get really wet in a very short period of time so you’re wet and cold right out of the shoot.

The shoes felt pretty good which surprised me because my sneakers are size 9 1/2 so I put them both on, paid for them and headed out the door. They felt really good and they proved their worth on the first tee when my feet didn’t slip even one bit. Better yet, while walking down the fairway through extremely wet grass my feet remained dry. I was ecstatic about that and decided that I would try really hard to shoot something less than 60, a lofty goal for me.

By the time we got to the third tee the fog was going away and there were spots of blue sky peeking through the gaps.

As we played I got more and more tired, but my feet were dry. The score was competitive amongst us three and I was optimistic about obtaining my goal. On the sixth green it was evident that Doug was getting tired, too, when he did this after his last putt …

When he tried to put the flag in his bag he noticed something was wrong.

On the 7th hole you would have thought we were all playing cart golf. That’s where everyone hits to the same area so there isn’t a lot of driving or walking involved to continue. We made almost a perfect triangle …

Mine is the one on the left. That’s not important. Just thought you should know which one was mine.

When all the math was done, I wound up with 59, meeting my goal to beat 60, and my feet were totally dry. It was a good day.

When I got home Diane wanted to dress up and go to Wal*Mart to get some important stuff and a Subway sandwich. The sandwich was the most important part because we were both pretty hungry. The blood I donated in the morning was a fasting version and I hadn’t eaten anything of substance for about 15 hours. I was due for sustenance.

Here’s how we got there …

We actually didn’t make it all the way to the store because Diane was cold. It was like 37 degrees outside, but it was sure pretty. She stopped and we put the top back up before finishing our business.

As I write this, Diane is off playing bunco at Grace Baptist Church, which I thought was illegal, leaving me home all alone to figure out what to eat for supper. Guess I’ll go do that now.

Winter Golf

Posted on January 26, 2015 by Jerrie Cate

As I walked to the 1st tee, I could see Doug & JP limbering up their stoved up extremities in preparation for that first crucial hit of the day. It’s always a challenge, that first drive, but they almost always hit it down the middle so the ball winds up somewhere in the mud at the bottom of the first hill. We’ve learned that hitting high drives isn’t conducive to finding that first drive because it will invariably bury itself in the muck and become a lost ball. In the middle of the fairway. Just one of the challenges we face on every trip around the course.

To the right of the 1st tee box is a pasture where cows roam, sometimes wandering over to the fence to watch us play, hoping we’ll hit it over their heads so they’ll have something to add to their collection of balls. I generally do that, but not today.

Instead, I line myself up, cock my arms and fire away, driving the ball about 8 feet off the ground toward the left side of the fairway, where the trees are. Trees are another one of my downfalls. I almost always wind up in a forest. This time, however, my ball rolled through all of those trees to the bottom of the hill leaving me a clear 2nd shot to the left toward the hole. After Doug & JP duff a couple of shots, I take aim with my unreliable 5-wood and fire away. It’s a good connection and the ball sails up as planned and through some straggly little branches of a birch tree which slows the ball just enough to stop it at the top of the hill.

Ahead of me the fairway goes out and dips into another soggy mess before rising again to the green which is still about 300 yards away. Using my 5-wood again, I make it to the bottom of the hill, duff it a couple of times before making it to the green, and 2-putt for a 7. Not bad since it’s a par 5 and I usually wind up with a 10. Doug & JP do much better with a 5 & 6. They’ll do whatever it takes to beat me, but I don’t mind.

The 2nd hole is only 156 yards and is reachable with a 6-iron for those who can actually hit it the direction they think they are aiming. That’s not me, at all. I only know the general direction my ball will go, but I can hit it a long ways on the rare occasions when everything comes together. Today wasn’t one of those. My ball sailed safely into the trees, but in such a manner that I was able to find it without much trouble. Both Doug & JP were just short of the green in the middle of the fairway. Typical of them.

Oddly, even though I was in the trees, I had a fairly safe shot to the green. I didn’t make it, but it could have been done by pretty much anyone else. I got on the green with my sand wedge, one of my favorite clubs, and only had to putt three times ending with a 6 for this par 3. Doug & JP had 4 & 5.

Hole number 3 is a long par-4 with an added challenge of a swamp to the right, and a stream to the left, that curves in front of the elevated green. With a good drive, you can make it across on the 2nd shot, then 3-putt for a 5. I’ve done that once. Today, however, was a typical shot to the creek on the left, duff for 15-20 feet, then a good fairway shot that falls 1.5 feet short of the green, landing in the creek, then a chip from the line of sight location, and a rare 2-putt for an 8. Doug & JP end nonchalantly with a 5 & 7.

The 4th hole is a dog-leg right, around a very tall forest. At this time of year these trees have no leaves so it’s possible, with lots of luck, to shoot right through them with no problem. All the leaves on the ground, however, make finding your ball impossible ir you don’t make it. I’m almost always out in the middle of those threes and have had some success zigzagging my way through them to the back of the green. This hole is also par-4 so I’m resigned to my normal 8, but surprise myself by playing safe and getting back to the fairway on my first shot, then hitting the sand trap, and successfully getting it from there to the green on the first try. So, it’s on in 4 and a 2-putt for six. Doug & JP get 5-6, so I finally tied JP on a hole! I should have quit then when it appeared I was on the way to better things. But, hole 5 beckoned us.

The cart path wanders past the only toilets on the course but they can’t be used because they are locked with chains and padlocks. It doesn’t matter because we always use the bushes anyway, normally at the back of the tee box on #4. It’s relaxing for us to stand there, letting go, and talking about trivial things. It seems appropriate.

Number 5 is a long par-4 dog-leg left around another small forest. Doug & JP almost make the edge in the middle of the fairway and I hit a line drive right at the next to last tree before the corner. When I get to my ball I decide to play it safe and just hit ahead to the corner so I will have a clear shot to the green. Normally I just plow my way through the trees which, in years past, I could actually hit over. My shot to the corner kind of worked on the third shot, and I continued on to the green. My 4th shot was just a little ways past the pin and about 10 feet off the green on the low side meaning I’d have to make another iffy chip shot before I could safely do my standard 3-putt. Which I did.

At #6, a dog-leg right, I fluffed a couple of shots off the green but they didn’t count because the agreed upon DCTO rule was in effect. My third try was much better, but still hit a tree and landed right next to JP’s ball. He played safe, but I, once again, chose to ignore the trees with expected results. I finally ricocheted my way to the green and wound up with only a 2-putt to end it. Both Doug and JP worked their way down the fairway with much better results.

Hole 7 is a fun 3-parr because you must hit across a valley of sorts to reach the green. JP hit about halfway up the hill toward the green, as did I, and Doug made it to the top, but to the right of the green, behind a tree. Somehow I was able to make it to the green in two more shots, as did JP & Doug. We all 3-putted, the only tie of the day for me, I believe. That was my success of the day.

The 8th hole is a long dog-leg right and the first leg is all downhill and flattens out at the corner to the green. The ideal shot, which I’ve done more than once, is to hit all the way to the bottom where a good golfer can make the green in two. I’ve also done that, but it’s rare. This day it took me three shots to reach the bottom, another two to turn the corner, then I shot a wedge that actually hit the green making it necessary for me to repair the dent my ball made, a task I’m not overly familiar with. I usually roll on the green from somewhere out on the fairway. From there I 2-putted and headed for #9. Doug & JP both had difficulty with 8 but not as much as I did.

Just for fun, even though I didn’t have honors, not something we ordinarily observe, I teed off first and whacked my ball over the hill that rises up to the elevated fairway from the tee box. I hardly ever make the top without sailing 2-3 balls off into the ditch to the right that is out-of-bounds. When that happens we don’t count them because of the DCTO rule. Both Doug & JP made it over the top, too, just like they normally do.

My second shot went a bit right, behind the copse of birch trees but they still aren’t too tall for me to hit over, which I did. My ball headed for the sand trap and was stopped by a rake that was left in just the right spot to keep my ball from rolling all the way in. A chip, and three putts later I had my customary 7. Doug & JP, or course, made their way down the middle of the fairway just fine and ended much better. But, after applying the Gimmees and Mulligans that I hadn’t used I still wound up with a respectable 39 for this round, beating them both because neither of them are allowed either of those handicap helpers.

So, there you have it. A typical round of golf on a beautiful Oregon day.

Family, Friends, Golf, & Crafty Stuff

Posted on November 19, 2014 by Jerrie Cate

Last Sunday Daniel flew to Houston to attend Intel training this week. He arrived safely, but his bags didn’t. Nifty. I understand that an Alaska Airline representative told Daniel to go out and buy some clothes while they searched the world for his luggage. They eventually found it on a beach in Hawaii. Well, not really on a beach, but pretty close since the airport in Honolulu is very close to Hickam AFB which is, essentially, on the beach. The luggage has since been returned to Daniel.

My psychiatrist visit on Monday went well. I completely fooled her and passed with flying colors. Turns out I’m not totally whacko after all. She wants to see me again in three weeks anyway. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s so I can pick out the color of my straight jacket. Rumor has it they come in an array of hues, not just white.

I’m still in the PC resurrection business it seems because I worked on Diane’s yesterday. Turns out Microsoft’s operating systems haven’t outgrown me completely after all. Granted, I’m more comfortable dealing with DOS and Windows XP, but Diane is using Windows 8.1 with a touch screen. The latter aspect is sometimes an issue because I am prone to pointing to areas on the screen to make a point. In my old life as a PC nerd that wasn’t a problem because all I did was leave smudges. Lots of them. Diane’s screen, however, reacts to touch causing it to open all kinds of programs I don’t necessarily want to access while ferreting out solutions for the issues she complains about. I’ve discovered, recently, that many of those issues are the result of one update or another to the operating system. Love those things.

I’ve been doing surveys on online lately to earn a little extra money. In doing so, I’ve learned that I’m not really a specific age, I’m 65+. Apparently survey people just lump everyone 65 and over into one large group while everyone else gets to put down their real age. I think that’s discrimination and may rise up and be heard.

Today I went golfing with Junior. It was therapeutic for both of us, but mainly Junior. His Mom passed away recently and her service was yesterday morning. I joined him, and his brothers Doug, and Jerry, at a reception they held yesterday afternoon. Normally, as most of you know, it’s usually Doug, Junior, and me who go out and amaze all the other golfers, but today it was just Junior and me. We were all alone on the course, like it was our own private club. It was really nice and we took bonding to a new level.

After golfing I returned home to find Diane working furiously in the basement, picking through an array of “things” we don’t need, making piles and lists in preparation for removing the vast majority of it from the house. This is something we’ve discussed numerous times in the past. Turns out she was serious about it. While she did that, I fiddled around with the fireplace mantel I’ve been working on. We bought it at the Restore Store a couple of months ago, knowing it was too wide. But it was pretty, and there was a good chance I could tear it apart and rebuild it to a more appropriate size. So, that’s what I’ve been doing. The parts are cut and all I have to do is glue and screw it all back together so it can be varnished. Then I’ll have to figure out how to attach it to the fireplace.

Just before it got dark Diane made me go down to the Lion paper boxes to find her a Sunday paper. She’s always loved reading newspapers but we had to cancel our prescription because she would always wind up with a stack of them next to her chair and couldn’t get anything done. But, she can handle one paper a week so I go down and dig out a couple once in a while to keep her happy. The other one is for Mom Jean. While I was at the paper boxes I figured I may as well straighten them up a little, like we do every other Wednesday. I insisted that she stay home because she’s got the sniffles and i don’t want them to get any worse.

On that note, knowing the truth that there’s punishment in my future after Diane reads this, I must quit. Hope everyone had a great day. I suspect you did, unless you live in Buffalo, NY, or thereabouts.

Summer, Golf, & TV Shows

Posted on September 29, 2014 by Jerrie Cate

Did I mention that summer here in our part of Oregon was so long that our hydrangeas bloomed twice? it’s true. They did.

Yesterday I went golfing with Vern, Jim, and Doug at Wildwood Golf Course. When we go there it’s an 18-hole event which generally wears me out. We had a great time and I even parred a coupe of holes which is totally uncharacteristic of my normal play. I don’t get many pars. In truth, my goal for any given hole, regardless of what par may be, is to finish it in single digits. I can truthfully report that I accomplished my goal for almost all of the 18 holes played.

It’s raining today and pretty dreary. But, it’s going to perk up later in the week and there’s talk of going golfing again. As many of you know, weather isn’t really a factor on whether or not we go golfing. Weather just comes in to consideration when deciding what to wear. You know … shorts and zories, or shorts and boots.

Speaking of golf … I saw the following joke on Facebook …

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.

‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.’

She looked down at his shoes and said, ‘You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!

Last night we sat down to watch the season premier of “Sleepy Hollow” which was one of the many shows recorded on Diane’s DVR. About half-way through I commented on how confusing it was and how ridiculous the story had become. It wasn’t a fun one for us so we took it off our viewing list and will no longer record it. We will, however, continue with “Blue Bloods”, “Person of Interest”, “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, “The Good Wife”, “The Big Bang Theory”, “Madam Secretary”, “Dancing With The Stars”, “The Blacklist”, “Castle”, “Rizzoli & Isles”, “Forever”, “Criminal Minds”, “Scorpion”, anything with “NCIS” in the title, anything with “CSI” in the title, “Hawaii Five-O”, “The Middle”, all the Ducks & Beavers games, and pretty much anything on HGTV. A little bit of basic math reveals these shows cover more than 24 hours a week so it’s pretty much a part-time job to watch them all. But, we manage to get it done. The dogs aren’t real happy about it because they don’t get a lot of escorted time outside. You may also be wondering how I find time to play golf with all these TV watching responsibilities hovering over me. Well, that’s when HGTV gets watched. Oh, ya! We watch some of the NFL games, too, and will be watching the Portland Trailblazers when the NBA gets going again. Wears me out just thinking about it. Maybe I should get a hobby.

Did I mention that a famous local social figure in Scappoose has a new hip? He’s doing well, last I heard, which is good. He told me he was limited to being up no more than an hour a day unless he was compelled to attend a quilt show. Then it was OK to be up and around for six hours. That makes sense in a complicated sort of way.

Yesterday (I think) I called the new hip owners brother to make sure he was still living in Idaho. He is, but he’s getting slower on the draw when it comes to answering the phone. It must have rang 7-8 times before he picked up. Considering his advanced age, perhaps I should be more understanding. He should adopt my modus operandi that ensures I’m never more than 18 inches from a phone, even in the bathroom. So, don’t hesitate to call me. Any time.

Now I’m going to watch Monday Nite Football.

Weather, Food, & Gout (again)

Posted on September 21, 2014 by Jerrie Cate

This afternoon it was brought to my attention that I haven’t posted anything for a while. I actually knew that, but I didn’t realize it had been eight days.

Wow! Eight days! Who knew I could go that long without adding a post? I can only believe that I’m either slowing down, or my dementia is acting up, making me forget things a little more than normal. Whatever the reason, I’m back for a moment, and this one’s for you, Linda.

So, what’s been going on lately besides a lot of horrible weather everywhere except Oregon. We’ve been blessed with some excellent days. There was a day or two last week when we got caught in a downpour while driving, but normally it’s sunny and warm every day and cool at night. The downpour was terrible – we got hit by around 150 drops of rain and even had to use the windshield wipers once. I counted the drops so I know it’s true.

Now, what’s been going on? Is it ISIS or ISIL? I’m confused.

Last Sunday we partook of the Safeway Deli Chinese food selections, which we do quite frequently. It’s good food. Since I was sent to buy the meal, without complicated instructions, I chose a shrimp dish for me and the standard orange chicken for Diane and Mom. Oddly, there were more shrimp in that little bucket than I could eat at one sitting so I save the remainder for another meal. I think it was all saved until Tuesday when I finished it off. I knew it was a daring thing to do since I have the ability to contract gout and the reason is typically shellfish, but I had to have it. You know?

I don’t remember what happened on Monday, but think I may have finished painting the house. I’m not sure, but the painting got finished at some point during the week. Wednesday I went golfing with the Peal brothers. Like normal, I golfed badly and had a great time. I think Doug told me I hit the ball something like 60 times as we wandered around the nine holes. I actually hit it more than that, and it wasn’t always the same ball, but didn’t tell Doug so the extras didn’t make it to the score card. The rules we use consider that a legal tactic. Also, when anyone gets into double-digits on any given hole, who really cares?

Thursday Diane thought it might be a good idea to eat the container of Dungeness crab we had in the refrigerator since it was about to expire and crab doesn’t taste too good after it expires. So, we had home-made crab Louie’s, one of our favorite meals. We just love those things. We ate the crab knowing full-well that I was flirting with gout but it didn’t seem to matter to anyone.

Friday afternoon my right big toe woke up and let me know that it was aware I’d eaten shrimp AND crab during the week and it had no choice but to punish me for it. Saturday morning, when I was supposed to be helping my American Legion brothers at the Scappoose Sauerkraut Festival, my right big toe had other plans. Foremost was it’s decree that I would not be allowed to stand, or walk, without a great deal of pain. Consequently, I did neither all day long. I just sat around all day dreading bedtime. As if to prove a point, my toe chose to keep me awake most of the night with sharp, life-threatening, shooting pains all the way up my leg. It was brutal and forced me out of bed.

Retreating to my favorite spot for morning naps, it quickly became apparent that I wasn’t going to be safe anywhere. Then I went to the Man Room and sat in my computer chair, draping my foot on the arm of the couch. For safety, and because I’m afraid of the dark, I turned on the tiny little lamp next to my computer. About 10 minutes after doing that Diane wandered in and turned it off, not realizing I was sitting about 3 inches from her. She commented that the light woke her up and she went back to bed. I found this interesting because our bedroom is down a long hall and around a couple of corners from the Man Room, so that little light isn’t very noticeable.

But, to preserve the peace, I left the light off and returned to my napping place. In the end, I draped a cool washcloth over my foot and just closed my eyes. It seemed to work because I drifted off, waking only when Diane brought the dogs out for their morning sojourn into the yard to relieve themselves. We prefer they do that outside and they don’t mind.

This morning, Diane went to church with her Mom, leaving me home alone to suffer in silence. I considered a nap, but didn’t want to take a chance of alerting the toe to my improving health. I’m sure it knew, but didn’t want to take a chance by making a big deal of it. After church Diane called to warn me that she was bringing a couple of church ladies home with her, so I could provide some iPad instructions, and insisted that I exit my jammies and put on some underwear. I briefly considered wearing nothing but underwear but decided I didn’t have enough money to pay a lawyer for the divorce that surely would have happened had I done that. Instead, I put on one of my dress up T-shirts and a pair of shorts in addition to the underwear. It was a prudent thing to do, as it turns out.

Now it’s evening, Sunday Night Football is starting so it must be time to quit.

Hope all is well with all of you wherever you may be.

Jean’s Birthday, Rocks, & Golf

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Jerrie Cate

Today Eleanor Jean, Diane’s Mom, reluctantly celebrated her 87th birthday. I say “reluctantly” because she doesn’t find it necessary to celebrate “just another day.” We do, however, so took her out to dinner at Dockside in St. Helens. It’s interesting that the Dockside is an Italian food restaurant, not a seafood joint. And, it’s right on the Columbia River near where the best Salmon in the world give up their annual upstream battle through the thousands of fish hooks. You’d think they’d have salmon, wouldn’t you? They may, sometimes, but the fare is mainly steak and pasta with some token shrimp and chicken parts thrown in for added flavor.

At dinner were Daniel, Jeran, Diane, Lydia, Grams (Jean), Me, and Jennifer. Daniel is a staunch vegan so had a fancy salad; Jeran had ravioli’ Diane and Jean had Lasagna; Jennifer had fettucine alfredo; I and Lydia had carbonara. Carbonara is my absolute favorite Italian dish. Lydia, I learned, knows how to make it, but she’s never offered to come over and cook some for me.

It was a good end to a long day and we all enjoyed the food and the time we had together, visiting. Gathering for these occasions is important to us because it helps us rekindle the family spirit.

Unlike yesterday, and the day before, where I shoveled and moved a couple tons of rocks, today was spent in the church parking lot surrounded by many things we no longer wanted with a sincere hope that someone else would find a need to relieve us of ownership. It was a Parking Lot Sale to help raise funds for the church in an effort to keep the lights on, and a phone with a dial tone. Not many church folks participated in selling things, but lots of folks took the time to stop by for a peek at all the wondrous “stuff”. We were only actively open for 4 hours, 5 counting the early bird yard salers who can’t tell time. The tough part was unloading everything and stacking them neatly on the really heavy church tables I was forced to removed from the basement. After yesterday’s activity with a pick and shovel, moving the tables was brutal. I had help, but it was still brutal. Consequently, my left arm is only useable with a great deal of pain from the middle of my bicep to my wrist. Odd, I know, but that’s just the way it is. I’m not worried because I know it will go away.

Until tomorrow, when we go back for another 5 hours, then have to replace all the tables back in the basement. It will actually be easier to put them back because the stairs are carpeted allowing the tables to slide down quite nicely. Getting them to the stairs is the hard part.

I get a reprieve between 1000 and 1300 when I’ll go help some fellow Lions reattach newly cleaned flags to newly cleaned poles. It’s a project I’ve not had the pleasure of participating in before. These are the flags that we place in holes on the main blvds in town for all holidays. The holes are placed in front of all businesses that donate money to support the project. Everyone ponies up a donation because not having a flag in front of your business is an honor and when the one in front of your business is missing, everyone in town knows you didn’t help out. That’s a lie, of course. Once a hole is drilled in the sidewalk, it will always get a flag, and everyone is very generous with their support. It looks really nice to see all those flags fluttering in the breeze early in the morning.

Last Thursday I went golfing with Doug and JP. Oddly, I remembered most of the rules for golfing and had probably the best round of my checkered life. I had a 48 (for nine holes). Normally I’m in the 60’s, rarely in the 50’s. Getting it to 48 is beyond belief. On top of that, I beat both Doug and JP, something I’ve never ever done before. It was a good day. Then I came home a moved a bunch of rocks and dirt.

Though you don’t know it, just before starting this paragraph, there was a brief pause while I consoled the dogs and explained, once again, that it’s OK for deer to walk through the yard. We have a momma and a little speckled fawn that make regular trips around the neighbor hood eating all the flowers. They are quite popular, needless to say.

Now I must remove the rest of the grime from my body so I can contemplate bed in preparation for another early morning assault on the unsuspecting yard salers of Columbia County. At 1300 tomorrow all that remains will be placed in the church carport, where it will all languish, waiting for the Senior Center Thrift Store truck to show up and cart it all away. Forever. We hope.

Hope everyone had a great day.

Golf & Vegetables

Posted on July 30, 2014 by Jerrie Cate

I went golfing this morning with my friends Doug and Junior. Surprisingly, I did pretty good in addition to having a great time like I always do. Doing better than normal is a definite plus. I think I did better because I decided to make use of a bit of the golf information I’ve received over the last few decades. Those intricate instructions, to which every aspiring golfer has been exposed, are as varied as those who share them. The important ones are shared by everyone. Those would be:

Keep your head down (I don’t because I need to see where the ball goes)
Keep at least one eye on the ball (I go blind just before my club hits the ball, if it hits the ball)
Keep your left arm straight (if you’re right-handed)
Keep your knees flexed (I generally wind up on my toes because I try to swing so hard)
Follow through (doing this is usually an afterthought for me)
Never use a pink ball unless you’re a woman (I defy this one all the time)
Always use orange balls in the winter (I use them all the time until I find some white ones)

There are a zillion other “rules” but I can’t remember them. Today I managed to remember the first five, most of the time.

Playing through the trees is, for me, part of the game. All golfers know that trees are 90% air so I just pretend they aren’t there. As a result, my handicap is 37. I’m one of only three people at the St. Helens Golf Club who has managed to maintain such a lofty handicap. It’s always fun when a ball goes into the trees because something besides the ball usually falls to the ground. Sometimes the ball just sails right through and winds up in a location far removed from where anyone would suspect. Other times we are entertained when the ball rattles around a bit on the trunks and branches, once in a while causing a branch of significance to tumble down. Today Doug hit the jackpot as far as nailing branches …

He didn’t really knock this one out of the tree but he hit the tree from which it fell, and his ball landed on it. So, in a way, that counts.

Now, about vegetables. Carrots, specifically. Until today I lived blissfully in a world where carrots were genderless. Then I was shocked right out of my socks when I went to help Diane make her black bean vegetable soup for tomorrow’s Community Meals at First Lutheran Church.

My job was to chop vegetables of various kinds so carrots had to be in the mix. One of the church ladies provided the carrots which she had recently plucked from the church garden next to the St. Helens Senior Center. Most of the carrots were your normal run of the genderless type.

Then I encountered these – two girls and a boy.

OK. It’s a MAN carrot, not a boy. Must be the dirt.

Golf, Baseball, & Thieves

Posted on July 19, 2014 by Jerrie Cate

Yesterday I was forced to participate in a golf tournament at the Wildwood Golf Course which everyone in the country knows is located on the West side of Highway 30 not too far past the truck scales on the way to Portland from Scappoose. Most everyone of importance also knows that Jack & Wynette had their wedding reception in the Wildwood Club House which was located right next to Highway 30. At some point in the future, it mysteriously burned down, the golf course receded back into the forest, lost & forgotten, and was ultimately resurrected and expanded into an 18-hole course that careens through a small valley, and up and down hills. The current owner is, in my opinion, an abject jerk, so I don’t go there often. I may never go there again, for that reason. One person mentioned that he’s a “money whore,” which was confirmed by his willingness to insert walk-on golfers into the midst of the tournament we were involved in. Nice.

The tournament was a version of best ball, and it was gratifying to me that a couple of my balls were deemed best. That just means that I hit my ball better than those in our foursome so everyone was allowed to hit their next shot from that spot. I even made a few pretty good chip shots onto the green. My foursome was composed of Doug & Jim, high school classmates, and George, a person none of us had ever met until tee time. All in all, it was a good day.

On the way home I followed Doug home so I could check Carolyn’s computer to see why her Gmail wouldn’t appear. She wasn’t there when we arrived, but her computer was energized so I hit a few keys, clicked the Gmail icon and it popped up quite smartly. When Doug saw this he went, “Hmmm. She must have figured it out.” Then we sat in the living room and visited for a while. Then I went home to play in the dirt for a while before cleaning up to attend Lydia’s soccer game.

Before getting dirty, I took my mid day pills. Shortly thereafter, we went to Diane’s Mom’s, Jean’s, house for a visit where I promptly fell asleep. Then we went to the soccer game which wound up in a 2-2 tie. They played against the 14U rec league team and Lydia played goalie the whole game. Since it was a practice game, and most of those on the 14U team are in-coming St. Helens freshmen this year, the goalies switched sides at half time. The second half Lydia had to block against the varsity team and that’s when she gave up the two goals. But, she blocked about 20 shots. She did good.

Back at home, I had a hard time staying awake so decided to go to bed. It was then I discovered that I had taken my sleeping pill, the dreaded Ambien, somewhere around 3 pm. So, the erratic behavior Diane witnessed was totally not my fault. I slept through the night anyway, which surprised me.

This morning I got back into my morning nap routine and didn’t go out to get dirty and sweaty until 10 am or so. Consequently, I only got about 4 hours in before it was deemed time to eat lunch. We had Taco Bell tacos, always a favorite.

While writing this, I got a text from brother Jack, who is in Arizona with his first wife at this time, watching Sage pitch against a California team at the Cincinnati Reds training field in Phoenix. Sage, as you may all recall, is Maryssa’s boyfriend who is going to play for the North Carolina Tarheels after he graduates from high school next year. He’s a talent to watch. Click his name to check him out – Sage Diehm. A little more research revealed that Sage is the first Idaho baseball player ever recruited by North Carolina. Last text I got from Jack indicated that one of Sage’s teammates had hit a triple, driving in one run so it was 1-0. Nothing since so I have no idea what’s going on now. The suspense is killing me, but I’m not going to beg for an update. Nope. Just not going to do it.

I’m going to have to go rent a large piece of equipment from Don’s Rental so I can move some dirt around a little, leveling the area next to garage in preparation of installing a load of gravel that doesn’t squish up when a car drives over it. That’s wheat we have right now is squishy rocks. They are all round, which was intentional, to allow for good drainage into the pipe I installed some time back. Now I want to park something on it, like one of the old motor homes, or my truck, and need non-squishy gravel so it will remain level. To get the equipment home means I must spend a bit of time trouble shooting my truck to find out which ignition wire I dislodged the last time I drove it so I can get it started. I’ve already cleared this event as one that isn’t technically “working outside” since I’ll be inside the truck, so I’m good to go. Just need to work up a little more motivation. Might even see about getting the old ’73 RV fired up. Or not.

You may have heard about the crime spree going on around town these last few months. Thieves are going around during the day, knocking on doors so see who’s home. Those who aren’t get robbed. Those who are home are asked questions about someone they are looking for, wondering if they are inside. Last I heard, about 60 homes had been robbed. Sadly, the spree has extended to our quiet little dead-end street. Since we have Panzee, a large barking dog who greets family, friends, and strangers with the same intimidating welcome, I doubt seriously if anyone would be motivated to break into the house in our absence. But, you just never know. To be on the safe side, we decided it would probably be a good idea to lock all the doors, to everything, when we leave. In the past we’ve failed to do that many times.

So, any of you who may be compelled to visit our house when we’re aware be forewarned that Panzee, Breezie, and Ozzie have been training as a team to take down anyone they don’t know. It will work like this … you enter the house, via any access, and Panzee will make a concerted effort to rip your testicles off while Breezie takes care of your eyelids. Oz will gnarl his way around your ankles, severing your Achilles tendon, allowing it to snap up into the calf of your leg accompanied by an incredible amount of mind-numbing pain, ensuring you cannot flee the scene. In the unlikely event you are of the female persuasion, Panzee will go for your neck and face. If you have large breasts, you may want to wear a really tight sports bra because they’ll probably get in her way. Breezie’s and Oz’s missions do not change. I do not feel there’s a need to post this information outside the house because the dogs will make their presence known at the first hint of a foreign presence.

In the event you are still compelled to pay us a visit, please ensure you have the name of your next of kin somewhere on your body. Since the back of your shoulders probably will remain undisturbed, it would be a great place to tattoo that information. Alternatively, if you are opposed to tattoos, please have your partner in crime use a permanent black marker to help you write this information on the inside band of your underwear. If you don’t wear underwear, the waistband of your pants will suffice.

Better yet, just ensure you have proper ID on entry.

Good luck.

Now I must quit for today and go outside, by request, and climb to the top of a 24′ extension ladder to replace one of our outside security lights.

Golf & Matches

Posted on June 4, 2014 by Jerrie Cate

Yesterday’s post was a bit of a downer and I apologize for that. It’s not my nature to get real personal or to relate anything that’s really true. I guess the subject got me thinking a little more than usual about all the “things” going on inside my scrawny chest cavity. I actually feel just fine. More precisely, I don’t feel any different from that which I have become accustomed to viewing as normal for me. It is what it is, ya know?

I golfed today. Didn’t do bad. Didn’t do good. Just had a good time. Jack couldn’t go because Wynette wouldn’t let him. I’m sure it has something to do with his sore and swollen hand. It wasn’t really Wynette who kept him home … it was just a good decision on his part.

On the way home from the golf course, I slowed down at Don’s house, but his shop was closed and his truck was missing so I just trundled along home. It was noonish so I figure he was at the tavern having lunch with his friends. It is Wednesday, after all.

Once home, I rid myself of golf clothing and donned my redneck lederhosen rig with the intention of setting my burn pile on fire. First, however, Diane made me eat lunch. That meant we had to watch one of our recorded TV shows. We always do that when we eat something, no matter what time of day it is. By the time I got outside, it was either 2 or 3 pm, but I lit the pile anyway. So, depending on when I started, in the course of 3 or 4 hours I burned all the evidence of the cedar trees to a crisp. I sat often, watching it burn down, then piled on more trees, sat, watched, piled, sat, etc., until there was nothing but a huge pile of ashes that is going to smolder for the next 4-5 days, I’m sure. All that’s left is stumps and a pile of large sticks which I kept for camp fires. We actually might go camping. You just never know.

Now I’m quitting because Diane just got back home and I don’t want to get caught on the computer. I am supposed to be at the burn pile, you know.

My angiogram, by the way, is next Wednesday at 0600. Yikes. Being that early they may not even need to sedate me.