Apples, Flowers, & Weeds

Posted on August 12, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

It’s August 12th, almost 10:30 am and I’m already sweaty from my morning chores. I was up at 5 am, like normal, fed the dogs, then napped a little on the couch. The nap was terminated when Diane reported that it was 9 am and made me get up and peel about eleventeen apples for apple sauce.

Immediately after finishing the apples, and getting the pan on the stove I was encouraged to wax the truck. Thankfully it was only 86 degrees in the garage or it would have been the end of me. Still, I’m happy that my assigned tasks were indoors.

Diane did her part, too, by taking her little squirter thing into the yard to kill all the dandelions. And, we have a bunch of those thanks to all our up hill neighbors. This time of year they aren’t too bad because everything pretty much dies, or goes dormant to escape the heat.

She uses a holistic mixture of Dawn soap, vinegar, and epsom salts which actually almost smells good enough to taste. I like vinegar.

Our friend, Jewel, was up shortly after me this morning and got busy in the yard right away watering all the plants we stuffed in the ground yesterday. In case you forgot, here’s what we did:

My job was to poke the holes. Where the holes were to be poked was generally decided by a conversation that went something like this;

“Jewel. Where should I put this one?”

“I don’t care.”

Moving it a bit, I’d ask, “How about here.”

“Looks good to me, but move it closer to that rock.”

“This rock?”

“No, that one over there.”

“OK,” I’d say, then proceed to poke the hole with my Pulaski.

“Maybe it would look better by that other rock, the one that’s poking up into the air.”

It went on like that until holes were poked all over the place just waiting for something to be stuffed into them. It worked out nicely in the end. We’re a pretty good team as long as I mind.

You know, of course, the foregoing is mostly a fabrication.

Oh! I also shaved this morning because we’re going to the beach for the weekend. Jewel has agreed to dog sit while we go watch Lydia play in a soccer tournament in Warranton. We wanted to take the trailer but apparently everyone has heard about what a hard time I have parking it so denied us entry. She finally found an overpriced motel in Seaside we can use, but we have to be out of our room during daylight hours so they can rent it to their regular hourly customers who agreed to free up the nights for us. We thought that was pretty nice of them. They also promised to change the sheets which was an unexpected bonus.

Staying in Seaside will give Diane a chance to stick her toes in the Pacific Ocean, something she loves to do. The beach is where she feels her best and I’m happy for that. I love it, too. There’s nothing quite as magnificent as the Oregon Coast.

I spect I should end this and get ready to leave. I’m sure Diane is busy packing her “stuff” already. Maybe she did it last night.

Be safe.

Grandma Jean is 89, so we ate pizza

Posted on August 8, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

Today Diane’s Mom, Jean, turned the calendar to begin her 89th year. We got a jump on the festivities when Diane organized a celebratory coffee hour after church yesterday morning. Today’s event was more intimate, attended by Diane, Jennie, Lydia, and me. We went to Fultano’s in Scappoose to partake of their lunch special so we could just sit and talk, mainly. But we ate pizza, too. And Salad. And ice cream. And cookies. We left stuffed and happy. Lydia had gone on a 14 mile hike this morning with members of her soccer team and made it back just in time to switch from hiking clothes into an adorable little dress so she could go to Fultano’s with us. Sadly, she had stopped at McBurgerville on the way home for some chicken strips so wasn’t hungry. She did, however, have a couple of glasses of ice tea. It was good to have her with us. Pretty soon she, like Cedric, will be off in search of her own life. Jeran would have come along, too, but he was working. He does that. A lot.

Yesterday, after coffee hour, Diane, Jewel and I helped the Scappoose High Class of 1962 celebrate their 54th reunion, in the rain, at Trojan Park, previous home of Oregon’s only nuclear power plant. Besides us, the following folks attended: Karen, Darrell, Laurie, Phyllis, Josette, Mary Ann, Eva, Evelyn, David, Sam, Vern, Larry, Harold, Howard, Harriett, and Judy. So, counting Jewel and me there were 17 of us from a class of about 100. Also in attendance were eleven spouses. It was a potluck, the best kind of picnic. Pretty good stuff. We visited for a few hours then dispersed to resume our normal lives until next year when we’ll do it again.

I heard through the Grape Vine that Terri and Lisa have started construction on their new home. We wish them well, and that there will be no hiccups that cause delays.

This morning, before getting ready for our trip to lunch, I helped brother Jack make a couple of dump runs. The first one was 460 lbs making us ineligible for the senior discount. The second trip, however, through judicious choice of products to discard, we were able to get the weight right on at 320 lbs, the maximum allowed for the discount. Pretty slick. Teamwork. I had to take Diane’s truck to haul the trailer because I need to fix the brakes on my old truck. Only the left front brake works, I think. I was going to take it anyway but then it started raining making use of the old truck a deal breaker because I still haven’t put the windshield wipers on it. They’re in the garage someplace. Guess it’s that time of year where I’ll have to dig them up if I want to keep driving it. Might need them tomorrow when I go golfing.

Wait! Good news! Diane just told me she’d get up early to take me to the golf course if Doug could bring me home. Oddly enough, Doug called right about then and agreed that he would do that. What a guy.

Now I need to think about going to bed so I can be nice and rested for tomorrow’s grueling contest.

Cheers.

Oh ya. Hope all of you Idaho people have already purchased your gift for Gracie’s party next Saturday. It’s my understanding that everyone is gathering at the Idaho Center around 2-2:30 for a brief visit with her opening act, Garth Brooks, then everyone will be directed to their reserved seats for her birthday party. No gifts, please. Just give her money. There will be more on this as the event draws closer.

My Burn Pile, “Jason Bourne”, Dirt, Hamburgers, and Dog Greetings

Posted on August 2, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

Today I donned my Dickies and worked in the dirt for a while after feasting on toast and Cheerios, with brown sugar. I ate first because I know Diane would have told me to do so had she been home, but she was in Portland with her Mom, Jean, who had a doctor’s appointment. She would have been proud that I thought about eating all by myself. Most of the time I just wait until I’m told to go wash because lunch or dinner are ready. It’s something I’m used to what with having two ladies living in the house. One of them is always cooking something, which works great for me. Also, when one cooks, generally, the other one does the dishes. I know that, having shared that, I will certainly be put on the rotation for dishes. Truth is, I do the dishes quite often. I also cook once in a while. I’m “that” guy.

The sum result of my morning was to remove all the piles of yard debris from the edge of the yard, where Jewel stacks it, and transport it to the burn pile. Unfortunately, the burning season won’t start again until October so it’s going to be pretty large by then. It’s pretty large now.

Actually, I emptied a yard of bulk potting soil from the pickup, too. One shovel full at a time.

This afternoon, we watched “Jason Bourne” at the Scappoose Cinema 7 because it was Cheap Senior Day. Actually, it was cheap for everyone because all tickets were $5. We got there a little later than desired because I had to clean myself up after working in the yard, pulling stumps, and such. That resulted in the need for the three of us to sit closer to the screen than our little eyes liked. If you’ve seen the movie you know there’s a lot of action going on and the fast camera motion when you’re up close makes my eyeballs wobble around too much.

Although the movie only cost $5 for everyone who attended, most of them were old folks. One of them appeared to have brought they grandchildren to watch this R rated movie which we thought was a bit odd. Wonder if Mom & Dad knew. Maybe they will find out when the kids get home and start ratting out Grandma.

Another reason for getting to the theater early on old people day is to ensure you get a seat in the middle of the row you select because that’s generally where the old folks with small bladders sit. If you’re on the end it’s quite probably that you will be treated to an overweight person sliding their butts across your face as they step on your toes in their hurry to get to the bathroom. That only happened once. On the way back-end that lady just took her time.

On the way out of the theater we encountered a frenzied group of theater employees frantically working to stem the leak in the women’s bathroom. It must have been a couple of inches deep on the floor. It’s my theory that the lady who rushed that direction in the middle of the movie tried to flush her depends down the toilet without success. Just guessing, of course. There was no proof that I could see, but I didn’t look long.

For dinner Diane took us to Burgerville in St. Helens for some nutritious hamburger meat from Venezuela. That’s a lie, of course, because everyone knows that Burgerville only uses cows who used to live in Oregon and Washington, and maybe Northern California. We ate there so the dogs wouldn’t know about it. If we had taken the meal home they would have been harassing us for little bites of meat and french fries. They always do that.

It didn’t matter because when we got home all they wanted to hear about was the movie and when it would be on HBO so they could watch it. There was no talk about hamburgers at all. All they did was greet us in the same exuberant manner they use every time we’re gone from the house more than 5 minutes. Ziva has the need to put her hands on me which sometimes results in damage to my exterior. Here’s the results of one of her hello’s:

She did that with just one foot. It was a double tap that she just couldn’t control. If my skin wasn’t so crepe papery I may not have bled at all. I would have just had a bunch of hematomas.

Since I had to put the old truck in the back yard to facilitate removal of the dirt we purchased, I decided it’s just as well that I leave it there. That way I can just use it to jump-start the lawn mower when I need to use it. Logic says that getting a new battery for the mower would be the more expedient solution, but logic doesn’t necessarily factor in to many of the decisions I make day in and day out.

Now I must blot the ketchup off my Dickies so I can wear them tomorrow for my visit with the doc. It’s just a little spot.

Golfing, and other Stuff

Posted on August 1, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

It was a good day on the golf course. None of us died. I beat the Peal brothers handily which reaffirms my previous statements about golfing more makes you better. This just happened to be my day. Doug came in with a cold and then we have Junior who has two fake knees and a bad back that requires a couple of back braces to make playing tolerable. We had a good time.

Getting to the golf course, however, was a bit dicey because the brakes on my old truck decided it was time to retire. Thankfully, there was no one at the intersection of Barr Ave and Sykes Road when I made this discovery or there would have been a wreck. But, I made it to the course on time by driving very carefully the rest of the way. I can stop it if the truck is rolling slowly. Made it home OK, too. Since it has a load of dirt in the back, I need to find some brake fluid so I won’t run through the lower fence in the back yard when I go there.

… pause …

Couldn’t find any brake fluid in the garage, but I have lots of power steering fluid so used some of that. Seems to work just fine. Does anyone know if that’s a bad idea?

Only a day left before I go under the knife for Mohs surgery on Wednesday morning. Dr. Alan is going to peel all the skin off my right ear, remove all the basal cell carcinoma things then put it all back together. I told the young lady who called for the pre-op stuff that I was OK with and Ear-ectomy if necessary but she said that wouldn’t be necessary and that when Dr. Alan is done it will still look like an ear. She didn’t say what kind of ear, and I didn’t ask, so I planning to be surprised when it’s all done. I’ll take a picture to share.

Right now I’m going to just rest a bit and wait for Diane to feed me.

Ciao.

Best Pork Chops and Gravy Ever

Posted on July 31, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

For those of you who use computers but don’t particularly care what day it is, like most retired people I know, today is the last day of July for this year. That would be 7/31/2016; 07312016; July 31st, 2016; or 31 July, 2016, depending on your preference for denoting dates and time.

Me? Although today is July 31st, it’s also Sunday which is really all I need to know. So, if anyone asks me what the date is, I just say, “It’s Sunday”. My brother, Jack, would say “It’s July”. He told me that, so I know it’s true.

Diane made a terrific meal after church today. She pan-fried pork chops, made mashed potatoes, cooked fresh beets (which I washed), stirred up some outstanding gravy, and added a salad with a stunning variety of salad dressings. We all oohed and aahed about the savory aroma and taste of everything. It was all going great until I exclaimed, without thinking, that everything tasted way better than the last TV dinner I had that had pork chops in it. Although it was true, it was obviously the worst possible thing I could have said.

So, since I know Diane reads this stuff, I must make amends and relate that the meal she prepared was absolutely one of the best she’s cooked us in the last 38 or 40 years. That’s the truth even though I really don’t have a clue about what I ate that far back, but the number of years chosen far exceeds the extent of my memory of what food I ingested at any given time. Maybe I should have just said that … “I have no memory of eating a better meal than that one.” It’s a true statement.

Except for any time she makes sloppy joes. Everyone loves that stuff. But that’s a one-dimensional meal whereas today’s had many more colors. That’s important, I’m told.

Diane’s Mom, Jean, joined us for that luscious lunch. After dinner we ate popcorn, a little popcorn, some watermelon, and something else I can’t remember. That was all done while watching “Rango” from start to stop. I thought I’d seen it previously but apparently that was not true. I have no memory of watching it so really enjoyed the surprise. Jewel saw it previously but was not a spoiler by telling us what happened next.

It’s 9 pm and getting dark so it must almost be time for bed. I need to get up early tomorrow for another rousing round of golf with the Peal boys. Doug and I are determined to kick Junior’s ass. Oops. Sorry. I forgot that I can’t say “ass” here so please ignore that. He’s convinced us that he’s always on his last leg as we progress around the course, then always manages to beat us somehow. Well, we’ll just have to do something about it, won’t we.

See you tomorrow.

Astoria, Soccer, Crabs, Clams, Cod, & Cow

Posted on July 16, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

Today was a really good one. We drove to Astoria to watch the girls play soccer and to celebrate Jewel’s last day of her antibiotics and her return to semi-normalcy. It’s “semi” because I believe we’re all in agreement that none of are every truly normal. Something is always out of whack in one way or another.

The trip to Astoria began at noon under a dark, cloudy sky with the slight promise of a little rain. We knew the girls would play rain or shine so the weather prospects weren’t relevant. As we neared our destination, Duggar’s in Warrenton, so we could eat lunch first, the sky showed a slim promise of sunshine, but it didn’t last. Thankfully, however, it wasn’t cold.

Lunch was awesome. Lydia had chicken strips and a cup of clam chowder, Diane had a halibut sandwich, Jennie had a Duggar Cheeseburger, Jewel had fried clams, and I had my customary, trip to the beach Crab Louie. There’s nothing quite as good as a crab louie made with fresh Dungeness crab. I’m sure some of you may disagree, but that’s OK. I regret that I failed to take a photo of our meals to share. I do have this one, however, that we ate with Diane’s Mom, Jean, the other day:

It was pretty good, too. Got it from Zhen’s in St. Helens. For folks familiar with St. Helens, and even those who aren’t, Zhen’s used to be Lucky Inn.

After lunch, we went a bit further down Highway 101 to visit Petco so Jen and Lydia could get a halter and collar for their new cat, Beau. He’s all gray and very cute. His new collar has a bow tie on it. I’ll share a photo when I get one. Whether you want me to, or not.

One the shopping was done we parted ways. Lydia had to be at the field by 4 pm but the game didn’t start until 5 Diane, Jewel, and I headed further West to the Pacific Ocean. Jewel has been whining that she hasn’t seen the Pacific Ocean for years, forgetting, apparently, that she lived on an island surrounded by the same ocean for the last 8 years or so. One of us pointed that out and she rephrased her whine that she hadn’t seen the PO from Oregon in a very long time. So, we rectified that. It wasn’t hard for Diane to go that extra step because she makes up reasons to visit the coast. Sadly, we don’t do it often enough for either of us. It’s a great place to be and there’s just nothing quite as pretty as an Oregon beach even on the worst of days.

We drove through Fort Stevens to the very end where the road terminates in a parking lot on the Columbia River side of the park. Along that stretch is a very nice beach that was being put to good use when we arrived. We didn’t stay long because the object, after all, was for us to reach the ocean. Back tracking a bit we stopped at the parking lot for the South Jetty, took a short walk to a viewing tower, and got our ocean fix for the day. Here’s proof:

After the Kodak Moment it was time for us to head for the soccer field so we wouldn’t miss anything.

The game was fun to watch, but not as exciting as normal because it was just a scrimmage between the two teams. They played almost a full game during which the Astoria goalie made some pretty incredible stops. They scored against Lydia once off a corner kick. The reason they scored was because she didn’t have any defenders to help and just before the kick one of our coaches was yelling at our girls to get away from the goal for some reason. Anyway, it paid off for Astoria because they got it in the net and there wasn’t a thing Lydia could have done to stop it. It ended 1-0.

When the game was mostly done, they called it and regrouped for another round but the Astoria goalie shed her gear to play in the field leaving the keeperless. Fortunately, St. Helens has two goalies so one, Morgan, was loaned to Astoria. St. Helens scored against her once and Lydia kept the other goal clear so the day ended in a 1-1 tie, I guess. Then we went home. Diane made me drive.

The day before yesterday Jeff showed up with his three youngest children and we had a great visit. It’s always fun when they are around because they are so full of energy. That’s Gilligan, Baylee, Diane, and Jerrie.

And here’s a sunset I failed to share with you on July 10th. Sorry about that.

Now it’s late and we’re having our final visit with Cedric tomorrow before he ships out for boot camp. He has to be in Portland Monday but doesn’t leave until Tuesday after taking his official oath of enlistment. We get to witness that at 9 am Tuesday, then it’s hands off Cedric until his first leave because once he swears in he belongs to the Navy, not us. We’re all excited for him and he’s ready to go. Has been for months.

I’ll be back when my head gets cluttered with stuff I don’t want there any more.

Edited 7/17/2016: Had to change Cod to Halibut in the narrative to make the story more factual. But, I left it Cod in the title because Halibut doesn’t begin with a “C”.

Aunti Jo is 95, My Friends Larry & Larry, Hillary, and Weed Whacker Back

Posted on July 7, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

I went to coffee today, in the old truck, and had a nice visit with my friend Larry and my other friend Larry. I arrived early and was delighted to find Jack, my brother Jack’s brother-in-law. He was sitting with Jerry H. who wanted to know what Jewel and her husband did with the 1957 Corvette they used to have. I knew the answer but gave him Jewel’s phone number instead so he could ask her. Just so you know, she traded it in on a VW bug. I think.

I, Larry, and Larry solved many of the world’s problems between sips of coffee from cups that never ran dry. One of the big topics was Hillary and how she got away with lying to Congress and making supremely bad decisions as USSOS (United States Secretary of State). Our friend, James, said,

“While the FBI had found that Mrs. Clinton and her aides had been “extremely careless” in their handling of classified material, there was no clear evidence that anyone intentionally mishandled information, obstructed justice or appeared to be disloyal to the U.S. in the process.”

Makes me wonder how many people are in prison for doing exactly the same thing. The difference, of course, is those in prison are not privileged members of our society and don’t have the means to fight for their own cause.

The unwillingness of the FBI Director, James Comey, and our esteemed Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, to follow through with some sort of punishment for Hillary’s actions is proof that our laws are enforced using double standards that favor certain people.

Enough. Sorry.

Jewel has been very busy weed whacking and raking the remains off all the berms around the house. Today after my physical therapy session I joined the effort by doing some weed whacking of my own. I did so much weed whacking, for so long, that I literally burned up my plug-in whacker and thereby causing an end to my efforts for the day. I know it was burned up because it was smoking. It’s probably still under warranty but I have no idea where the receipt is. Thankfully we have one of the WORX 56V units that provides enough power to weed whack for more than enough time to cause damage.

As a result of our efforts, both Jewel and I have Weed Whacker Back, a terrible affliction that only certain kinds of wine and cheese can resolve. Since I don’t drink wine, I’m stuck with just cheese so my WWB won’t fade nearly as fast as Jewel’s.

While working on our WWBs Diane was busy doing laundry and cleaning the entire house with her trusty Shark Vacuum Cleaner so she wound up with a severe case of HC&LB (House Cleaning & Laundry Back). Still, she whipped up a tasty meal of left over chicken and beans, and added mashed potatoes, salad, and cream corn. It was pretty awesome. I also got a piece of Aunt Jo’s birthday cake that was served at the party honoring her 95th year on earth. Pretty amazing and she’s still going strong.

Now I must make my way to the living room where the TV is on and see if I can convince the owner of the remote to switch to something besides HGTV for a little while.

Cheers.

Hope The 4th Was With You, and Toilets

Posted on July 5, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

It is my sincere hope that all of you who celebrate the 4th of July with fireworks wound up with the correct number of fingers, toes, eyes, and ears this morning. There are many who dwell among us whose common sense, when lighting explosive things, fails them due to the influence of alcohol or other drugs of choice. When they wake up missing digits they will lament their decisions, just like all of those who served as bad examples before them. It’s amazing, don’t you think? History repeating itself over and over. I believe the prime reason for this kind of behavior is nature’s way of improving the gene pool.

We had a festive group at our house for a BBQ yesterday. The Walters Clan, The Cate clan, and new family member Jewel attended as did Diane’s Mom, Jean, who, if you remember, broke her wrist a little over a week ago. The brace provided by the orthodontist she visited helped a lot but we suspect her upcoming visit to an orthopedist will provide her with better broken bone management. She’s been told it may never heal, but what do orthodontists know. Teeth. That’s what they know. Not bones.

After all the eating was done we older members of society sat back and listened as the din of conversation subsided a little with each person who left. When all those who wear younger clothes were gone there was a brief sense of loss before the quiet seeped in. Then one of the neighbors set of a stick of dynamite that set off a bunch of car alarms.

Regarding dynamite. It’s apparently legal in Oregon. Only fireworks that leave the ground are illegal. So, of course, the majority of those exploding around us were airborne. Pretty, but totally illegal. Making it more fun is the uncut hay-field just below us. Thankfully, nothing caught on fire so I guess you could call it a successful 4th celebration.

Here’s an example of what transpired off to the south of our back porch.

Ziva, our black dog who enjoys lounging in bushes while outside, was very vocal about all the noise. Eventually she got used to it and only complained about the really loud ones that she could see and hear at the same time. She had a really good time, as did we.

This morning I visited my new physical therapist, Bret, who has already made my pain less. But, the day is not done.

My mission for today is to install our new tall toilet in my bathroom for Diane. She has trouble with short toilets. This will probably be an all day affair. I know because I’ve done it before and it always takes all day. For normal people it’s about a 30 minute job. Not me. I make it last because it’ so much fun. Last night I asked Diane if I should take the new toilet out of the box and put it in the bedroom so she could practice sitting on it, but she declined. I think she was afraid she might trip over it in the middle of the night while on her way to the short toilet. I would like to put the short toilet in the yard so we can use it for a Redneck BBQ and beer cooler combo … like this …

She’s not a fan. She won’t even consider making a planter out of it, like this …

Now, tell me. Who wouldn’t want something like that sitting on your front porch? I find it very welcoming and pleasant. But, no, we’ll just have to find someone in need of a short toilet and pass it along.

That’s about it for today.

Have a safe 5th as you finish off all those fireworks left over from yesterday.

Home At Last, and Other Stuff

Posted on June 9, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

Yes, we’re home. At last.

After a leisurely transit of I-84, an overnight stay at the Wild Horse Casino in Pendleton, and past the site of the Oil Train Fire in Mosier, we reunited the dogs with a great deal of happy barking. It quickly became annoying because we haven’t heard if for over a week. Once they sensed our displeasure from our repetitive request to stop, they stopped. I suspect, however, they stopped simply because they wanted to do. We had no influence on their decision.

Before stopping at Wild Horse Casino we made a stop in La Grande to get gas and visit our Niece-Niece Maryssa who is attending Eastern Oregon University which, happily, is in La Grande. We had a nice visit sitting in our trailer, near the tennis courts on Sixth Street. It would have been nice if we could have enjoyed lunch together but we had the Big Black Dog (Ziva) and it was too hot to leave her alone in either the trailer or the pickup. As a lunch alternative, and a farewell gesture, we gave her all the frozen food remaining from our trip. I believe that caused a little remorse for all those times she ignored us when she was 6-12 years old. That’s an incentive to bring her food every time we see her. We’re making plans now. Something about strawberries I think.

Pendleton to home was uneventful except for an extremely windy 20 miles or so before exiting the Columbia River Gorge in Troutdale. It’s always windy there. I didn’t worry about it because Diane was driving. If the trailer had tipped over, it wouldn’t have been my fault. Wouldn’t have been her fault, either, but, you know, she was driving.

We got home on Monday, as planned. Then yesterday Diane got up early so she could make it to PDX by 0900 to get Ashlee and her fiancé Mike who flew in from Wisconsin. I couldn’t do it because I had to visit my dentist, Dr. Grim and get my teeth cleaned by Cheryl at 0900. Ashlee is half of a set of twins belonging to Lars & Barbara; Lars belongs to Butch & Margo, our long-time friends who live in Wisconsin. Mike and Ashlee’s flight arrived early so we all got home about the same time. The reason for the visit was for Ashlee to find living accommodations while she attends Pacific University to get her PhD in physical therapy. Mike is a Manufacturing Engineer seeking employment in the greater Portland area.

Today I went golfing with the Peal brothers. Diane insisted. It was a good day for all of us because none of us died out there on the course. I informed Diane of the agreement we golfers have in case one of us bites the big one while out there having all that fun. No matter which hole it happens on, we will finish the round. The two remaining golfers will play best ball for the deceased member who will be strapped into one of the carts we use. I initially thought we would have to drag the non-playing member from hole to hole, but Doug suggested just putting them in one of the open seats. Bungee cords are now part of our golfing equipment to ensure we have enough to hold a body on the cart. Then, once the round is complete, we will call 911 to report the loss then go hold a memorial lunch at Burgerville. If one of the married guys check out, the losing wife will be notified so she can attend the lunch. It’s the right thing to do.

We all made it through our standard nine holes so it was a successful day. I couldn’t attend the lunch that normally follows our golf game because I had to be home in time to take Ozzie to his hair dresser at 1300. I also had to get some drain cleaner for the kitchen sink. It’s been running a bit slow and finally jammed shut this morning. I figured we’d need to wash dishes some time this evening so it was necessary to visit ACE. That’s my first trip to ACE in a couple of weeks which is a modern-day record for me.

The cleaner worked and the sink now drains just fine. I’m sure you are all happy to know that. I can smell the chemical at the top of the basement stairs so the Pro drain cleaner I used may have eaten a hole in one of the drain pipes. I looked around down there but couldn’t find any evidence of a leak but I don’t go down there very often so I don’t view it as a problem. Diane’s washing machine, dryer, and ironing board are down there, however, so will let me know if she discovers something amiss. She has to go to the basement because it’s her job. I’d help but she won’t let me. Apparently that chenille sweater I dried in the dryer 8 years ago, and subsequently extracted most of from the vent filter, ensured I wouldn’t have to do laundry for a long time.

Since I’m not making a lot of sense, and because my right foot hurts, I think I’ll just terminate this. My foot hurts because I have a bout of gout in the large toe. We don’t know why. No doubt it’s something I ate but, since I’ve eaten a lot of “stuff” lately it would be are to pick out one thing that may have caused it. So, I will just continue to limp and eat whatever Diane gives me.

It’s 2000 now, and we haven’t seen Ashlee or Mike all day. We were considering that it might be time to start worrying when Ashlee texted Diane to let her know they were on their way back to St. Helens. That’s a good thing.

Now I’m eating popcorn for supper so I really gotta quit.

Breakfast and Blackberry Vines

Posted on May 26, 2016 by Jerrie Cate

Yesterday I attended what the American Legion calls an e-board meeting at the local Village Inn in St. Helens. I think the “e” stands for Executive because the only ones who attend them are elected officers of American Legion Post 42. Since I’m one of those guys it’s pretty mandatory that I attend. Doug said so. He normally calls to remind me, but I don’t think he did this time. I actually remembered all by myself. Perhaps there’s hope for me yet.

Since we’re at the Village Inn I figured it might be a good idea to eat breakfast, something I rarely do during these meetings. But, since our Supreme Commander, Lyle, didn’t show up, I figured all bets were off and a meal wouldn’t interfere with the proceedings.

I got two eggs, over easy, a ham steak, hash browns, and two pieces of non-nutritional white toast. I had my own coffee from home so didn’t have to pay for that. When it was presented to me it looked really nice.

… but, I forgot to ask them to run a pizza cutter over all of it about 15-16 times. They do that for me because cutting all that stuff up, even the eggs, is pure torture for my shoulders. It’s just not the right angle. So, I sent it back to the kitchen and they brought it back to me ready to eat.

That done, all I had left was to get jelly on my toast. No one at the table would help me with that so I struggled through the process all by myself. I guess they just don’t love me enough to help out or, maybe, it’s because they’re all old and crippled up like me. Yeah. I’m sure that’s it. I’ll have to ask them the next time I see them to confirm.

After the e-board meeting I returned home with the intention of using that energy I saved from not having to cut up those eggs by dismantling some of the blackberry vines that surround the house. I figured if I let them go much longer we’d need a machete to get the front door open all the way. Actually, it’s not that bad, yet, but those things do grow mighty fast, so I wasn’t taking chances. I also trimmed the bottoms off a few trees so I could walk under them without hitting my head. That portion of my assigned task went well, with no injuries, but the blackberry vines won the battle and I had to quit before finishing because there was the distinct possibility that I might pass out from loss of blood.

I’ve got more to do today but decided that I’d wear something heavy-duty with long sleeves. Probably should have done that yesterday. I’m happy to report that, even though the injuries were rather severe, I didn’t get a drop of blood on the sheets last night which means I’m still married. At least for another day.

Then, this morning, I trundled my way down to the Kozy for coffee with my friend Larry, and my other friend Larry. We solve a lot of the world’s problems during these Thursday meetings. Sometimes I order the breakfast special, which used to be $6.95, but was recently raised to $7.50 meaning I couldn’t afford to eat it every week. I’m on Social Security, you know.

Then this morning, Kerry, our normal waitress, placed a menu in front of me thinking I’d order something. It took me a little bit of looking to discover that it was specifically for me and encompassed all the better eating habits that I probably should be observing, but usually don’t. Then I looked at the prices and figured out that, ok, it was a joke. I was disappointed that it took me so long to do that.

It was finally revealed that Larry and Kerry were in cahoots with this and got a good chuckle from it. So did I, as did our other friend, Larry.

Adding to the frivolity of the menu, whenever a waitress made rounds with the coffee pot she would ask me if I shouldn’t be drinking decaf instead of real coffee because of my heart condition. It was all in good fun and I feel blessed that I have friends like this who have my best interest at heart.

Now I’m going to go see about those blackberries.

Maybe I’ll torch the burn pile, too, if I can find out where Diane hid the matches.