Category Archives: Fiction

My Onan Generator

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Today I totally dismantled the Onan 4000 Gen Set in our RV. I had all the parts laid out so I could put them back together in the correct sequence when the cat showed up and started batting pieces all over the place. Thankfully, it started raining before it got out of control and the cat ran for cover. Being a dedicated Oregonian, I stuck it out and rearranged all the pieces.

The initial problem with the generator was the fuel pump. It didn’t suck very well so I bought a new one. Fortunately, the mounting holes are in the same location so I didn’t have to relocate anything. To test the system, I just hooked it up and got the new one pumping fuel from the tank like it’s supposed to. Unfortunately, that didn’t solve the problem because it still wouldn’t start. I knew I had spark, and fuel was flowing, so the carburetor wasn’t allowing the fuel in. Something was stuck. So, the dismantling began.

To do that I had to remove Diane’s mattress which, unfortunately, got all wet because I laid it out in the driveway. It was in the way. I put a piece of plywood on top of it, but it still got a little ground water on the bottom. Too bad the plastic covering got ripped when I tossed it out there. The plywood was on top of the bracing for the bed so with it out of the way I was able to see the top of the generator containment module. It’s been accessed before because someone cut the top out of it and used about 185 sheet metal screws, and a bunch of caulk, to put it all back together. Removing this allowed access to the faulty carburetor and other pertinent parts that cannot be accessed from the side opening of the generator containment module. I vowed that, when I reassembled it, I would install access doors to take care of that problem.

The carb didn’t cooperate so I threw it away and put on a new 4-barrel Holly, but it still wouldn’t start so I removed the head, took out the pistons, ground the valves, installed new piston rings, added a couple of extrta cylinders so I could fully ustilize the potential of the larger carburetor. It was simple matter of adding an old Kawasaki 750 cc engine I found in the attic over the garage the other day. I don’t know how it got there, but it came in handy.

After I got it all back together I did the “smoke test” and it passed with flying colors. With the addition of the Kawasaki parts the red line bumped up to 11,000 rpm which meant I could comfortably run the unit at 5500 rpm without fear of it falling apart. At that rpm the generator produced approximately 1.7 mega watts of power which is enough to light up a small city. Learning that made me head in a totally different direction.

With all that electricity being generated I thought, “Why not just  yank out the engine and install an electric motor on each wheel?” That turned out to be difficult, but not impossible. I found most of the parts at ACE and the remainder at Wal*Mart. So, now we have a hybrid RV. The very first one ever.

I did a test run to Astoria and back and made it in just over 1.5 hours and it got exactly 72 mpg! And, with no need for an engine or transmission, I added a small hot tub that’s accessible through the old engine cover in the cab. That’s really handy for Diane because when she gets tired of sitting and giving me directions, she can turn her chair and soak her feet. Nice. She doesn’t know about that, yet. It’s a surprise.

With all those kilowatts this rig can do a full 4-wheel burnout and get to 60 mph in just under 9 seconds, and turns a 1/4 mile at 115 mph in 14 seconds. The high end torgue of the electric motors really crank during thos last 5 seconds. They literally scream like little girls. They also smoked a little but I wasn’t worried because they were new and it was just the paint baking off due to the intense heat.

Now I need to shim up the toilet so it doesn’t wobble, install the new horn, and we’re good to go.

I wish I had pictures to share, but I don’t because none of that’s true.

All I managed to do today was get a new fuel pump installed and make it pump gas from the tank. For me, that’s success. Tomorrow, maybe, I’ll tackle the carburetor problem. The hammer didn’t work.

Dr. Appointment, GWB, Lunch, and Thomas

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Today was “Recovery Day” for us. You know, getting back into the swing of doing nothing after spending a few days away from the house. Seems like we were gone for weeks instead of just three nights. I suspect that in the depths of some analyst’s brain that means we had a good time, and that would be correct. I’ve told you about that, though.

I had a VA appointment at 11:30 so we had to get up early to ensure we had enough time to get an after breakfast nap before we had to leave at 10:30. But, instead of the nap, we sat in our recliners and watched some of the recorded shows we missed while away from the abode. I forget what we watched, but they were good shows. Otherwise, we wouldn’t record them.

Diane got me to the appointment in time then went to spend some time at the GWB to await my call while I was basking under the watchful eyes of various nurses, the security guard, and the doctor. I was good the entire time.

The shows ended about 9:30 for me because I had to do some damage control on the RV by sealing the back window. Yersterday afternoon I tore all the old sealant off and threw it willy-nilly around in the driveway, for which I will pay dearly at some future date. I was supposed to have until tomorrow before the rain came but all of the weathermen lied to us, again. It started sprinkling so I had to fix it this morning instead of this afternoon as planned. That’s OK, now, because it’s done. Tomorrow I’ll find out if the fix worked.

After the VA appointment we went to the Helvetia Tavern for lunch. We’ve never been there before so it was a treat. We met Jerry1, Jerry3, Nelda, Coleen, Tom, and Vie. I got to sit at the end of the table between Tom and Vie. Tom had shorts on, like normal, so I got to play witht he hair on his leg. I discovered that Tom doesn’t purr like the cat .. he doesn’t like anyone to pet him. Or, maybe it’s just me he didn’t like petting him. I’m not sure. He didn’t say. He just kept slapping my hand. Tom also got himself in a heap of trouble by making fake sign language gestures at Diane, which I did to explain how I communicate when she asks me to repeat myself. He did that every time she looked our way, which was a lot, so he has a bunch of punishment coming. But not from Diane. She’s going to tell Linda, who didn’t come along because she was babysitting. Wow! I think I just did that. Sorry Tom, but your earned whatever you get. Take it like the hairy legged man you are.

As a group, we were very noisy and I’m surprised we were allowed to stay after the hamburgers, which were delicious, were gone. The management even contributed by giving us more caffeine which we accepted with the understanding that the noise was OK. Actually, the noise came mostly from Jerry1. I can talk about him because he doesn’t read this, and he generally has difficulty getting his computer to function in a manner he can understand. He’s getting better at it, but it’s still a challenge. The reason for that is because the love of his life did all the computer work before she left this mortal plane and ascended to a world where all horses run free. Jerry named his car for her.

After lunch we buzzed on home to let the dogs out, then I dropped Diane at her Mom’s for a visit while I went to the Lion’s newspaper drop boxes to make sure there wasn’t any garbage in them. People do that. There wasn’t any so I went back to Mom’s, visit a bit, then drug Diane home by the hair. She didn’t want to leave.

Once home I checked the RV for leaks. There weren’t any. Then, and 6:00 pm I went to the High School to help Lydia with her pitching. But, my glove was in the PT, in Portland, and we didn’t have any balls because the coach failed to show. So, we waited until 6:20, then I took her home.

I’m leaving you on a sad note today because the Walters family lost Thomas today. He’s been very sick for a long time. So, think good dog thoughts for Thomas. He was a very good dog.

Happy Birthday Jim

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Yes, it’s Jim’s birthday tomorrow. He was really born on August 6th, but legally changed his birthday to April 15 to help remind him that his government needs his money. That’s a lie. His birthday has always been April 15th. Many notable people were born on April 15th, like: Leonardo da Vinci 1452, George Washington 1741, Roy Clark 1933, Samantha Fox 1966, … OK, so there’s only 4 of them. Actually, I found a very long list of notable birthdays for April 15th, but those 4 are the only ones I recognized. Jim’s is the only one that’s important for this missive. He’s going to be 37. Or, was he born in ’37? Doesn’t matter because he’s still older than me. Always will be. This is Jim…

I’m sorry! That’s actually Jack with a beard so he could be a proper Sanhedrin  man for the musical he was in. This is Jim, watching TV in his recliner …
Notice how high his forehead is. Diane tells me mine is really high but I told her that’s an illusion because I’m taller than she is. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
For punishment, I had to finish triming all the apple trees and burn all the acquired branches. It was a nice day, so I really didn’t mind. And, she helped me and she even drove the lawn tractor with the attached trailer to carry the branches. That was special. We had a good time working in the yard together. Now all we need to do is put in about a week of work in the flower beds to make them presentable. I have a really nice 4-stroke weed whacker that would take care of the flower beds fairly quickly, but don’t think I’m going to be allowed to do that. Maybe one day when she’s out doing something else …
My face burns … must have stood too close to the burn pile. Kind of hard not to because I use our small Oreck vacuum cleaner, on ‘blow’ not ‘suck’, to fan the flames. That makes it burn really hot and reduce everything to ash in no time. I had to use three extension cords to get power all the way to the pile. It’s about a mile to the pile, all up hill. Both ways.
Tomorrow we will install the new awning on the RV. It was on the porch when we got home last night from the TVCC meeting. We were going to do it today, but the yard captured our interest for the entire day. Now it’s 7:31 pm and too late to figure out how it all goes back together. There are awning parts laying all over in the driveway. I’d take a picture, but I don’t know what Diane did with the camera. She’s always hiding stuff for me.
I think I’m done here. Hope all is well on your ends.
Happy Birthday Jim

Ozzie

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Hi there! I’m a dog. A nervous little barky dog with an annoyingly shrill voice. I use it a lot, too, to keep everyone on the edge. It gets me a lot of attention. Since I’m a Toy Poodle, it’s important that I get a lot of attention.

I’m the new guy in the family, at least for the dogs. Cats don’t count. They annoy me because they’re all bigger than me. It’s just not fair. There’s got to be some kind of pet out there smaller than me. Maybe a gerbil. Or a hamster. I could handle one of those.

My people rescued me from an abusive situation a few years ago. The abuse was from people, but other dogs. Girl dogs. We were suppsed to make puppies, but they were lesbians and ganged up on me. It was awful. They wouldn’t let me eat, or nothing. When I was rescued I weighed 4 lbs and I was a year old! I was way under weight. I had no body fat at all. The groomer wouldn’t cut my snarly hair, that had been growing since I was a puppy, until I gained some weight. Finally having my own food bowl, in a comfortable place, made gaining weight easy and I was up to 6 lbs in no time at all. Then I got my hair cut. It wasn’t too bad but I looked like a curly black Chihuahua with a short nose and a whacked off tail. This is what I looked like before the haircut …

… and here I am after the first haircut …

But, it all grew back and now I’m a handsome little devil with a decent haircut.

Before the rescue, I was living in a tiny little kennel in the middle of a huge tiled room. The tile was white. I don’t like white tile at all. I don’t walk on white tile. I generally don’t walk anywhere that there’s not a rug of some sort. Except the garage. I’ll walk there. No problem. It’s one of the ways I get to go outside and bark at stuff. One day I think I barked at a coyote. Ziva saved me though. It might have been a leaf. I’m not sure. I just know it moved. I bark at everything that moves. Almost.

Back to haircuts … I love to run through the yard right after I get a new one. Usually it’s taller than me and it gets my fur to lay down a little better than the fluff job the barber gives me. They used to put sissy bows in my hair, but I told my person that wasn’t cool so they don’t do that any more. I tolerate the neckerchiefs they always tie around my neck, but I don’t really like them either, unless they’re black. I like black stuff. Panzee has black hair on parts of her. I like that, but I don’t like much of the brown hair and fur. It makes me want to jump on her back and just start ripping it out by the mouthful. But I don’t. I’m little, but I think I’ve got her attention so she won’t mess with me. I have attitude. Lots of it.

I love my home. I get to sleep on the bed. I’m not supposed to play on the computer and I hear someone coming. My fingers are tired anyway, so I’m qutting. Ouch, dang! I think I broke another nail …

Ahhhh! Choooo! Spring is here!

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Greetings Everyone. Nothing much to report today except I wore my jammies most of the day. Only took them off when I mowed the yard. Diane got a little upset about that and made me put pants on. But it was so nice outside today it just brought out the nudist in me. After I finished mowing, I dropped all my duds in the laundry room, as directed, then marched directly to the shower. It’s good that no one was visiting at the time. Then I re-donned my jammies. I believe I was out of them no more than 3 hours all day. Nice.

It was a 4 mountain day for sure – Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Adams, Mt. Hood, and Mt. Jeffereson strutted their stuff for us.

I also cut a couple of branches out of one of the apple trees but Diane made me quit. She thought it was too late to trim them, but we weren’t home when it was just right. I think I’ll do it tomorrow anyway. I’m tired of half killing myself trying to get under the branches with the lawn mower. I’m going to rip out a few branches on the plum tree, too. Actually, I didn’t cut them down today because the batter for my chain saw was dead and it’s now recharging. It’s been a little problematical for a while so the solution may be to replace it with a noisy gas version. Then I’d have to get one of those masks that crazy Texan wore in the movie and I’d probably scare the dogs and they’d chase me causing me to drop the chain saw which would cut up my leg and make me bleed to pieces. That would just make extra work for Diane, so maybe I won’t do that.

We have a porch cat. We’ve really had a porch cat for a couple of months. She started letting us pet her last month, and now the dogs are getting cozy with her. The big ones, anyway. Little Ozzie goes out, looks at the cat, and spins in circles a couple of times then launches at her. The cat’s figured this out and just ducks which confuses Oz because she’s supposed to run. I’ve noticed the last few times he’s tried that he’s less enthusiastic so the cat is training him nicely.

Tomorrow, if it’s dry again, I should be able to pick up the grass I mowed today. It was too heavy with moisture for me to use the bagger so I just flung it around in the yard. If it rains tomorrow, and the next, it will make a mess because there’s globs of it all over the yard and it will make spots. Can’t have spots in the yard. Weeds, yes. Spots, no.

I might also rent a gas powered trencher thing tomorrow to make a path for the water to drain out of our driveway to the back of our property. If I do that, I’ll be sure to have Diane take pictures of all the new injuries I’m sure it will cause. I’ve never used one of them before. I’ll bet one of those things could really chew someone up if the tripped and fell on it. Hopefully it’s one of those that quits if the operator falls on it, or something.