It’s almost 11:30 and I have this one last time to wish everyone a safe and Merry Christmas Eve.

We just got back from our annual Christmas Eve church service. Diane and I sing in the choir. We’ve been practicing since August so we knew the material pretty well. The difficult one is Hosianna which is a traditional Swedish Christmas song. It’s the only Swedish I know, but I know it by heart. So does Diane.

Every year Diane takes all the choir robes home to wash before the service. They’ve been around for about 50 years, but still look pretty good. They’re blue. As in years past, Nancy brought hot spiced wine to our last practice before the big event. It’s really good. Pam pour me a large cup full. Unfortunately, it wasn’t blue wine. It’s always red. If it had been blue it probably would have made such a splotch on my robe, that Diane just washed, when I promptly spilled the entire cup down the front. And all over the basement carpet. It was a mess. No one yelled at me. Not even Diane. It’s good that I sit in the back row. By the time service was over it was pretty dry, and hardly noticeable in the dim church light. But, Diane took it home to wash again anyway.

Now it’s time to go to sleep so Santa can visit us.

For those who don’t recognize this, it’s the copyrighted logo for the Tualatin Valley Cruiser Club of which Diane and I are charter members. We had a lapse in club meeting attendance for a few years, but have recently gotten back into participating in scheduled events. Rick Rainwater (he denies being an American Indian), and his bride, Jody, have been running the club for the past eleventy years. Since 2000. As a group, they have travelled all over the NW, California, and parts of Canada. Some members plan their vacations so they can attend the yearly week long trips. Rick & Jody have led TVCC members so many places over the years that they are having a hard time coming up with something new, different, and exciting. I decided to give that some thought so I could, perhaps, make some recommendations.

First, however, I must report on this evening’s Christmas party at Finley’s.

There’s just nothing in this entire world that says Christmas like a party at Finley’s Sunset Hills Mortuary on Highway 26, just above the Oregon Zoo. Meetings are held in the lower chapel. We used to have meetings in the upper chapel, where the funerals are conducted, but I think someone may have decided that TVCC member conduct was unbecoming for our dearly departed brethren, and sitereths. That’s quite possible. The lower chapel, however, is just great. Much cozier, with a lower ceiling, and the TVs installed on the walls. It’s closer to the kitchen, too. That’s important because meetings center around food – normally dessert.

This party, like those in the past, consisted of a white elephant gift exchange, and ornament swap. The ornament swap goes like this – everyone who attends brings a wrapped ornament. When it’s time to swap them, everyone gets in a circle, holding their ornaments. Then Rick starts reading a Christmas story about Mr. & Mrs. Right. As the story progresses, everyone in the circle passes their ornament Right or Left whenever those words are mentioned in the story. Sounds simple, right? It really is, but there is always someone, when Rick pauses, that has no ornament in his hands while across the room is someone with two of them. It’s quite amazing. I never make a mistake while doing this. Never have, never will. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Oddly, when this evening’s story ended almost everyone wound up with their original ornaments which defeats the whole concept of the ornament swap. That’s never happened before, but the distance an ornament travels is directly related to the number of people involved. I didn’t count them, but think there was probably about 218 people there this evening. Just a guess. Maybe only 40-50. Who knows?

The white elephant gift exchange is an event where you can steal gifts from each other. Everyone who attends brings a gift and is issued a number when they enter. Rick draws numbers at random and that person can either open a new gift, or steal one from someone who has a really good one, like a jelly-belly pooping polar bear. Or a gigantic fly swatter. People who have gifts stolen can steal someone else’s or open a new gift. This goes on until all the gifts are opened. Diane was #11 and her number wasn’t drawn until 3rd from last, so she had the choice of stealing anything from anyone, except for anything that has already been stolen three times. That’s a rule. A gift can only be stolen three times. It used to be two times, but it was changed this year to promote stealing by those in attendance. The police were OK with that rule change as it’s all done in doors and everyone is wearing clothes.

That’s about it for the party. Diane and I had a great time. We sat with Tom & Linda and talked about Coleen because she wasn’t there. They’re fun folks. Tom works in a psych ward somewhere in the NW.

Now, about proposed TVCC event trips. Anyone have ideas? If so, add a comment and let us know where you’d like to see the club go. Suggesting they “Go to Hell” isn’t an option because that’s been suggested a number of times already. We look forward to your inputs which will be passed along to Rick.

My suggestion is that we arrange a tour of the Royal Vacuum cleaner factory and learn why their vacuums suck the most. If that doesn’t work out we can visit the Peerless Blower factory, in North Carolina, to see why their products blow. If that doesn’t work out, perhaps we can visit one of the factories where they make blowers that also suck. I think those are made somewhere in Arkansas. Personally, I’d rather visit the last one.

On that, I bid you adieu, so long, farewell. Sleep in peace and stay safe.

Greetings, Everyone.

Thanksgiving is over and it’s time to get back to work. For me, it’s a trip to the VA for some poking and prodding. I love that part. It’s a simple way for me to get people to touch me for free. Well, there’s a little co-pay, but it’s not much.Worth every penny.

I’ve been scouting around for a new platform to use for my blog and thought I’d give this one a try. Susan recommended it, so it must be a good one. I think I made a couple of entries on Blogger, but can’t remember. There’s an image of a turkey carcass floating around in my head that I associated with that site, but that doesn’t mean anything. The carcass may have an entirely different meaning for me tomorrow. Or in a couple of hours.

I’d tell you what I did last Friday, but I can’t remember.

Yesterday it was sunny and we had a mini-USS Cleveland reunion at our house. In attendance was Gary, Cindy, Brian, Susan, Diane, Ziva, Panzee, Ozzie, and me. Gary & Brian remember each other from their time aboard Cleveland, but I don’t remember either of them. Probably because they were snipes, working below the main deck, and I was a deck rating working above the main deck. Everyone in the Navy understands the unspoken division between the two. We were never allowed to talk with one another, and we were all fed a different times to ensure there was no contamination from one group to the other. Apparently it works really, really well. It’s nice to learn that this division doesn’t translate to relationships in civilian life.

Gary & Cindy live in Washington. Brian & Susan don’t. Neither do I or Diane. But, all four of us who don’t can see Washington from the towns we live in. What a treat that is.

After everyone left I gave Diane a hearing test and we learned that she really is deaf in her left ear. I’ve known that for a long time but she refuses to get her hearing checked. Instead, she’d rather punish me for not answering her questions when she has her deaf ear turned toward me. It probably doesn’t help that I usually don’t talk very loudly. I do that for a reason, of course. Since her ear is already damaged, for some reason, I don’t want to take the chance of making it worse by making loud noises. So, I talk softly. Sometimes I just move my lips when she’s looking at me but that seems to make her angry. Thankfully, I can still outrun her and after 30-40 feet I forget why I’m running and she forgets why she’s chasing me. The dogs love conversations like that.

We hope everyone had a wonderful, safe Thanksgiving weekend, and that the turkey was all consumed, or sent home with visitors, so you can eat something “new” tomorrow. Send good thoughts to an old family friend, Jeff K, who is in a coma at OHSU. It’s complicated.

Today we went to church, like normal, but that doesn’t seem to help keep me from getting into trouble. We even took Diane’s Mom, Jean, like normal. We were the last people out of the church, ensuring the doors were locked and the garbage removed, and everything. It was a little ominous, weather wise, when we left the house. Apparently all of the weathermen got together on Saturday and decided it was going to rain at 10:30am sharp and, by golly, it did. There were minor breaks in the downpour so we had to time it right, ensuring it was at it’s heaviest, before heading to the car. We made it home safe and dry, then Diane made me and Jean exit the vehicle before she drove it into the garage. Thankfully, it wasn’t raining very hard at the time, so it wasn’t bad.

We heated up a mess of leftovers that included turkey, chili, baked potatoes, dressing, and salad. I had everything but potatoes and salad. I also had cheese and crackers, and a glass of expired milk. After feeding the milk to me, Diane reported that the date on the bottle indicated it should have been consumed by November 18th. Not too bad, but it suddenly tasted awful and gave me a stomach ache.

Jack & Wynette stopped by for a while on their way home from a funeral in Longview. We had a nice visit and it was good to see them, as always. Wynette’s letting her hair grow long. Looks great. Jack reported that he and Wynette have spent a lot of time, lately, looking for bras. It wasn’t immediately clear who they were for so I found it very informative. I’ve been thinking about looking for bras, myself. Diane doesn’t approve, telling me I don’t need one. In self defense, I never said I was going to buy one. I just wanted to look for one.

I learned that Jack’s hands are a C cup. I also learned that mermaids wear sea-shells because b-shells are too small, and d-shells are too big. I never knew that. I’m always learning new stuff from Jack. I always look forward to seeing those two.

Now it’s dark and nearing time for me to go to bed. We need to leave in before 7am in the morning to make sure I’m at the VA by 8am. It’s a long drive but, since I’m not allowed to sit behind the steering wheel, I can sleep all the way over. And all the way home. Which I probably will.