Monthly Archives: October 2025

Letters to Diane – 1

Posted on by

I miss you. Today is Halloween and I was really counting on you to be here to hand out candy to all the kids. Now that you’re gone I guess I should step up and do it. It would be pretty horrible if some kids made it down the street with getting candy from our house.

“Where,” you might ask, “did you get candy?”

Well, I didn’t get it. Jennie did. She’s been taking care of everything since you left us. Watching you die kinda put me in a tizzy and I was pretty useless for a few days. It’s been a week now and with Jennie’s help I’ve become more human, and even a bit useful. That’s what Lydia tells me. She’s living with me now. The family thinks someone should be close to me in case I hurt myself like I’ve been known to do.

Jennie has also arranged your service for November 11th at Bethany. There will be many people there, we’re sure. Jennie’s first guess was 100 guests, but there will be more. I’ll give you the count on November 9th, after the service.

I kinda wished you had made a will. Everything will be OK in the end, but it would have been a bit easier if we had a will from you. You no longer need to worry about it unless you have a way of getting information from beyond. I don’t know if what I send into the cloud reaches you for approval, so we’re really in the same boat with regard to the communication issue. But, I’ll keep sending these notes to you simply based on faith. If nothing else, I’ll benefit from the therapy I get from talking with you.

Good nite, my love. I trust you are well in the arms of God.

Diane is gone

Posted on by

She left us at 3:15 pm on Friday the 24th surrounded by family. We were all talking at once and I suspect she just got tired of all the noise. Oddly enough, all of us turned our eyes to her just as she took her last breath. She didn’t make a sound, she just left.

A very sad time. Even though she’s been gone a few days it’s not real for me yet. It’s like a poem I read about the dearly departed aren’t really gone, they’re just in the next room. There have been many times that I’ve lost track of her in the house and have to go looking for her. Usually she’s busy on her computer trying to get it to do what she wants it to do. Then, once I’ve found her, I go back to doing whatever it was I was doing. Knowing where she is was always important to me.

Lydia is staying with me and we haven’t done much except try to wrap our heads around what happened. She’s not here, but she’s really everywhere. I’m surrounded by her but she’s always just a little ways out of my field of vision. I know she’s there, though.

We’re all very sad she’s gone but knowing she’s no longer suffering helps us.

Diane came home …

Posted on by

Yesterday was Diane’s last day in the hospital. Jeff and Jennifer made room in our bedroom for her hospital bed, and arranged home hospice care for her arrival. I spent the day with her waiting for 7 pm, the scheduled arrival time for her transport. They finally showed up about 8:30 pm.

Getting on the gurney for the ride was her last surprise because they did the 1-2-3 thing then lifted from the bed and placed her on the gurney. I’m sure it was like a carnival ride for her because her eyes got big on the transfer, then she was almost immediately comfortable as they buckled her up.

We parted ways at elevator #4: they went to the emergency room exit and I went to the main exit. Two days prior I parked in a handicap spot near the front door. It was a long lonely ride to St. Helens.

When I got to the house the medics were just wheeling her up the driveway and there were cars parked everywhere. It was like a long overdue family reunion. Diane was semi aware of all the commotion.

Diane’s bed replaced her recliner, net to mine. This is where she will draw her final breath.

We will all miss her immensely.

Monday – MRI for Diane

Posted on by

This morning Lydia loaded up her Grandma Diane at 0700 for a planned trip to Good Sam. Diane’s getting an MRI as a step to identify the reason for her constant headaches. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that previously. She had to be there by 0815. They left home with an almost empty tank of OXY. I stayed home to order replacement tanks. O was told that they could provide 15 tanks and I told them to bring ’em. I was also told that she could swap her empty tank at Good Sam for a full one.

While she’s at home she has a plug-in unit that makes oxygen all the time and it haa an adapter connected to her CPAP machine. That’s handy. So, after the tanks are delievered we should be able to drive to the beach and back a couple of time. I know Diane would like that, but that’s an unlikely trip at this stage of our battle.

It’s 0945 now and they are on the way home so I better get busy and straighten things up a little.

Friday – Biopsy Reveal

Posted on by

Finally! It’s Friday and Jennie took Diane to see her doctor to find out what she’s facing. This is where you should hear a drum roll, right? Well, that didn’t happen.

They got to the doctor in plenty of time but the biopsy wasn’t there, yet. So close to an answer but there wasn’t one.

But, the doctor began working on a solution to Diane’s headache issue and a new one that just popped up yesterday: she has numbness in her lower left jaw. The doctor found suspicious bumps on Diane’s forehead so ordered up an MRI with the hope it could be done today, like right away, then he left for a meeting with another doctor about something. While he was gone the biopsy appeared and the MRI was scheduled for next Monday.

When the doctor returned, he read the biopsy report and relayed that there’s more to come on that bit of news. He did, however, let our girls know that what he saw was not all bad news. Considering all the negative info we’ve received to this point, that was actually good news.

Then they came back home.

Crafty Jennifer got on her phone and started dissecting the info she found in the report provided so far. She explained it to me and Jeff but it was tricky territory with a lot of big confusing words that only she could understand. It was still mostly confusing when she switched the big words with normal ones.

I’ll do my best to share what I think I understand with the understanding that I’ve got a lot to learn about cancer and the language and terms used to describe it. OK?

The purpose of the biopsy was to discover the point of origin. As best as Jennie could tell, it looks like they were unable to determine the specific origin so gave it an acronym name. Digging further, Jennie went on to cancer defined in that manner is very rare and could have laid dormant in her body for decades before waking up. This bit of knowledge swiveled our heads back to 1977 when cancer visited Diane the first time. That one was believed to have been completely eradicated when they pretty much removed all her girl parts. Maybe they didn’t.

So now, we wait some more until Diane’s doctor receives all the info about what’s going on. During that waiting period she’ll have her MRI and the Doc will analyze it.

The really sad part about all this waiting is that she’s suffering a great deal of pain and can hardly eat anything without severe nausea. The battle continues with no defined plan about how to win.

So, if you pray, please add Diane to your list. We can use all the help we can get.

If you have a notion, send her a few words of encouragement by responding to this post. She reads it.

Thanks.

Thursday – One day before Biopsy reveal

Posted on by

It’s been a rough couple of days for Diane, just like all the other days she’s spent waiting to learn what the next steps will be on this journey. This morning is a little different, though, because on her trip from bed to chair she mentioned that oatmeal sounds good for breakfast. That’s amazing because all she’s eaten for the past month, or so, is a few spoons of yogurt and a random half egg.

Regarding eggs, I’ve tricked her a few times. When she asks for one egg, I’ll whip up 3 of them and make an omelet that we share. Then I fudge her half to make it a little more than 1.5. Sometimes she eats the whole half, but most of the time I wind up eating most of it. But, it works once in a while.

Today she’s still dealing with the pain caused by the biopsy session. The nausea is also an issue. She has pills for all of that. We’ll both be very happy when tomorrow gets here so we can get some answers.

Until then, we’ll sit in our chairs and watch TV. The kids show up randomly which is good.

By now you must be bored so I will stop.

This is how Jeff cleaned our gutters.

It’s Tuesday – Biopsy Day

Posted on by

We made it through the weekend ok, but it wasn’t as good as the days she spent in the hospital. Being surrounded by busy nurses, day and night, has its advantages over a tired old man. Honestly, the tired old man has the unselfish help of his children to make the right choices, or to do the tasks for him.

Mostly, my job was to ensure Diane got oxygen when she needs it and feed her when she gets hungry. Since she‘s eating like a sparrow, it’s a pretty simple job. consequently, since she’s eating less, so do I.

This morning Jennifer showed up right at 7am to transport her Mom to Good Sam for the biopsy procedure. That left me, all alone, with a list of things to do while alone. Not one of the items on my list referred to me taking a nap, but that’s what I did.

Normally, I take directions pretty well, but my head isn’t working very well lately.

For this day I only forgot to do two things – replace light bulbs in the bathroom and give Max a bath. Not so bad, right. Sadly, those are the only things on my list so it was a total failure. My only defense is that I had a few other things on my mind.

Jeff came to the house and cleaned out the gutters that have needed attention for a few years. That is another thing that was on a list, once upon a time. Now it’s done. That just goes to show you that if you wait long enough, things get done.

Jennifer returned Diane home early afternoon. She was still a little under the influence of the fentanyl that was used to sedate her for the procedure. They made 4 holes in her abdomen to get the samples they needed. It’s our understanding that the biopsy results will be revealed by her doctor when she visits him next Friday.

We’re both very interested to hear the results.

Diane on a better day last September …

Friday – October 10, 2025

Posted on by

There’s a little turmoil regarding Diane’s visit to Good Sam. Today was the day she was supposed to see her primary care, Dr. Ly, and I think she did, but she changed her annual visit from today to next week. I suspect that’s so he can address the results of her liver biopsy scheduled for next Tuesday.

Before I get too deep into this narrative I need to tell you that what I share is strictly here-say because I don’t spend a lot of time in the room with Diane. That’s not because I don’t want to be there, but because I actually have things to take care of at home. That’s mainly Max oriented.

Speaking of Max … he’s really depressed that Diane isn’t home every day. That’s not normal. He likes ‘normal’.

Jennie took some things to her Mom early this morning and has been with her all day. She’s totally involved with what’s happening with her Mom so if you want the real story, talk to her. She called a while ago to let me know that she wouldn’t be coming home this afternoon as planned (yesterday) because of decisions/suggestions made by the physical therapist(s) she visited. Mainly, she is not to be left alone, ever, and she needs a hospital bed that doesn’t lay flat. This is because of the cancer intrusion into her spine and pelvis. Being alone is a danger because if she falls, something’s going to break.

Normally you’d think Good Old Jerrie could serve that purpose, but because I fall on my face once in a while, I’m not a good candidate to address her needs. I understand.

So, they are keeping her in the hospital until arrangements can be made for her home care team to be identified. Our lives have been changed with the introduction of cancer into our lives.

That brings another thought to my mind. Diane has already had, and beat, cancer about 50 years ago when she had cervical, and uterine cancer. She beat cancer then and has no doubt about beating it again this time.

Your prayers will help. Let’s work to get her home and Max out of his slump. He’s so sad.

I stripped the bed and washed the sheets in anticipation of Diane’s homecoming today before Jennie called to let me know that’s not gonna happen. Max was listening and got really upset.

Because of Max’s exuberant nature, Diane needs to gather all her strength to deal with his welcome home mode. Should be exciting.

Not so normal after all . . .

Posted on by

8 – number of days remaining until the liver biopsy.

Today is October 4th, so May The Fourth Be With You, My last post, on September 27th, was a little bit optimistic regarding Diane’s energy level, but playing the “Waiting Game” has proven to be a real downer. Her energy levels quickly evaporated while doing the laundry and it’s evident that I need to take the reins regarding that. All she will have to do is “point” and “direct”. One would think I could follow simple rules, right? Well, doing laundry is way more complicated than picking some random dial settings and adding soap to the machine. Consequently, my job shifted from washing to drying and folding. I’m pretty good at that. All I have to do is remember to check the drying once in a while;

Now, about the waiting part . . .

Frankly, it sucks, big time. Diane said the scheduler told her he needed to carve out a 5-hour slot for the procedure. The first one available was on October 14. The reason for the 5 hours is unclear to me but is apparently needed in the event Diane hemorrhages if she moves too much after the procedure. That’s all I know. Then, there’s something about the need for her to set aside some of her extra blood in case that happens,

It’s entirely possible that I know nothing about that which I report. Yeah, that’s more likely to be true. So, let’s presume that I know nothing. I suspect the majority of those who read this already have that presumption. That’s OK. I even encourage that.

Today was a milestone of note for Diane. She ate an entire hamburger! Honest. she also ate some french fries. If she can repeat that fairly often, she will improve quickly and work on beating some odds. That doesn’t surprise me at all because she’s already said, “We’ll beat this!”. We’re working on that.