Toilets

Sometimes, when the weather’s nice, I kinda wish we still had out houses instead of indoor toilets. Toilets are complex and require special tools and parts to get them installed and maintain them. You need screws, screw drivers, hammers, nails, wood, a water source, wax rings, and either connection to a septic system or to a city sewer system.

Out Houses? All you need is some old lumber, like a barn that fell down, a saw, nails and a shovel. Dig a suitable sized hole, build a small room (one or two holer) to fit over it, add an old Sears catalog and you’ve got a totally functional facility. What’s even better is that once the hole you dug fills to a certain level (a couple of feet below ground level, say), all you need to do is pick the house up, move it out of the way, and dig a hole close to the last one and simply fill the old hole with the contents of the new one. When done, set the house on the new hole.

Funny story. When I was very young this is what we had. My much older brothers are much more knowledgeable about the use of out houses. One of those brothers was known for his ability to jump over the old hole after the house was moved and the other brother was known for his ability to only jump half way across the hole. In his new white boots. It is my understanding that Mom told Dad that if the half-way jumper sank to just leave him there. Lucky for him he only sank to his armpits. I think he lost the boots, too, but I’m not sure.

So, I leave you with that image in your head – a small child up to his armpits in effluvia from the bowels and bladders of many, many people, littered with all manner of saturated cleansing media, and maybe a bee’s nest or two.

Sleep on that.

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