I was sent to Safeway this afternoon to get Diane a bottle of molasses for some cookies she was making for the cooking-packing evolution the Church Ladies are doing tomorrow. When I left, she had everything mixed up, except for the molasses.

Seemed like a fairly simple task, so away I went. All by myself. Alone.

When I got to the store I walked right to the molasses aisle, got my jar, then got in line behind a nice young man who was waiting in the short line. We each had one thing to buy so it went quickly. I had Diane’s Safeway card at earned us 3 points for my purchase.

Since the purchase went quickly, I decided to stop by the local Chevron station to fill up Diane’s Buick. It’s the least I could do since she let me drive it all the way to town. By myself. At the station, I removed myself from the vehicle, as I normally do, in order to extract my wallet, on which I normally sit. Then I did a quick body search for Diane’s Safeway card. It was nowhere to be found. Then I searched the car coming away with the same results. It was becoming more and more evident that I was going to be in HUGE trouble when I got home because the first thing Diane says when I return from a shopping trip to Safeway is, “where’s Safeway my card?” Normally I just hand it to her and I’m safe. This time I wouldn’t be able to do that.

Woe was me.

So, after the tank was full, I went back to Safeway to see if someone had found the card. I could only believe I dropped it when I removed my car keys from my coat pocket before getting into the vehicle. I checked the parking spot first, and talked with a young lady standing there handing out flyers about collecting food for holiday baskets. When I was there the first time there was a different young lady and I took one of those flyers out of curiosity. That’s how I knew what was on the flyer.

Inside the store I went to customer service to see if anyone had turned in a Safeway card. Ahead of me in line was a lady trying to wire money to somewhere in Mexico. The lone person behind the counter was having difficult getting the spelling correct for the city in Mexico so it took some time. Perhaps 20 minutes. All this time Diane was waiting for the molasses, which I had, but I had embarked on a quest to find Diane’s card.

Once it was my turn, I discovered that, yes, indeed, someone had turned in a Safeway card. “Could I please see your receipt to verify the card number?” asked the clerk. Not expecting this, I’d left it in the Buick with the molasses so excused myself to go get it. Upon returning to the counter we discovered that the number on my receipt didn’t match the card they had. So, I was back to square one, and it was time to get the product to Diane and face the music. First, however, I got a new card, forging Diane’s name on the application.

I hadn’t been gone more than an hour, so thought maybe I wouldn’t be in too much trouble. Perhaps she would just be happy that I got home, with the molasses, and that would offset the major crime of losing her card.

On the way home, however, I made one last trip to the gas station to see if anyone found it there, which they hadn’t.

Diane was happy to see me, but quit talking me, so I went on-line to check Diane’s Safeway account and discovered that, gee, the card they had in her name was the same one that was turned in to customer service. So, what’s the deal? The only way to find out was to call Safeway customer service at the number I found on their website.

A little background is necessary, here. Diane’s originally Safeway card was obtained by Jennifer when she was in high school, way back when. Since she’s been married to Daniel for 18 years, or so, it’s evident that she’s had that card for a long time. And, it’s always been associated with our home phone number which, for a couple of years at one point, wasn’t assigned to us. That we got it back is another story.

This means that every purchase made by Jennifer and Diane over all those years, all over the United States, were tied to that number. Then, one magical day, Jennifer, Daniel and kids moved home to St. Helens. Somewhere along the line Diane wound up with a different Safeway card that was tied to the old card, then a couple of years ago Jennifer got a job with Safeway which worked well for us because all those Safeway cards, tied to our home phone number, were eligible for an employee discount. When we realized this, it was brought to Safeway management’s attention but they didn’t seem to mind. Neither did we, so we just kept using all of them.

Then today happened.

One of the reasons I went on-line was to change the card on Diane’s account to the new number, then I had an epiphany, with the help of the nice young lady who answered the phone. Since Diane’s card was at Customer Service, at our local store, and I had a new card in my hand, why not put things ‘right’, and divorce Jennifer’s Safeway card from our home phone number. So I did. Now Jennifer’s card is tied to her phone number, and the new card I got is tied to our home phone number. AND, so is the card nestled in the Customer service desk drawer. Now we each have a card and I’ll never have to borrow Diane’s Safeway card again. Ever.

Jennifer came by the house a little later so I could tell her in person that our Safeway cards had been officially divorced. She took it well, for which I’m grateful.

The cookies Diane made are really good. I got to taste one because I helped her scrape them off the cookie sheets onto the drying rack. I was being really good, trying to help, and she let me. That was good.

Before we knew what was happening, it was nearly 1700, time for our dinner with Jack & Wynette at Dockside. Jack and I arranged that yesterday all on our own. When we arrived, J&W were already there so there was no waiting. Jack had fish & chips, Wynette had shrimp scampi, Diane had lasagna, and I had spaghetti alla Carbonaro, my favorite. I got that even though I wore my red spaghetti shirt and Carbonaro is just kinda spaghetti colored, with lots of bacon.

After eating we talked for a long time and, again, wondered why we didn’t get together like that more often. Funny how that is. We all wish Jim & Donna were closer so we could all get together often. We figure it’s only fair that they move this direction since we are already here and we represent a majority of remaining brothers.

It was a good evening marred only by a brief spat about who was going to pay the check. Who was spatting, and how that wound up isn’t relative. It was all about having a really good time.

Incidentally, I’m the only one who ate all of my dinner.

I deserve a prize.