Did You Miss Me?

For those of you who noticed my absence, and who may be interested in why, it’s because  I went “black”, or incognito for the last few days. I’ve been waiting to see if anyone noticed, and one finally did. She was concerned enough about my frail condition that she called Diane to see what was the matter. So, I’m not, as I was beginning to believe, invisible. Thinking that was true had me right on the verge of spending more time at Victoria’s Secrets, which really aren’t secrets because they advertise all over the place, and have these HUGE pictures of NNW (nearly naked women) in their store windows which they use to entice unsuspecting teenage girls into spending money on “things” to make them more appealing. “Things” that accentuate the naughty bits at which we are not allowed to gaze. Very confusing.

In an effort to alleviate the confusion, I conducted an experiment that allowed me to don a lacy pushup bra and a pair of lacy bikini panties which I wore for an entire day. I didn’t care for the bra too much, but it did cause a lot of looks from some undesireable people, at which I glared until they looked away. The panties, however, were a sporadic source of sensual satisfaction, sending shivvers of giddy goodness throughout my right leg simply by knowing that I had them on, and no one knew. Then they started riding up, causing a need to find quiet areas where I could correct the fit of the creeping cotton. After having to do this the third time within a block it became annoying, the shivver was gone. It made me understand the benefits of the thong which is just a nice pair of panties that have been force to maximum creep from which there is no recoverey … so you gotta live with it. That, and with thongs there’s the benefit of NVPL.

After it’s all said and done, It still amazes me that girls who spend all that time and money to project an other worldly sexiness find it “improper” for me to give them more than a cursory glance. C’mon! At my age it takes a little time to comprehend exactly what I’m looking at, so give me a break. If my gaze lingers too long, I’m sorry. If you don’t like it, and you’re in my vicinity on a regular basis, wear something less appealing, like one of those long dresses they wore on the farm in Nebraska in the 1800’s. You can do that, but it won’t matter because I’m going to look anyway and the reason is simple … sure, clothes expose and promote various body parts, but the source of beauty I see is a womans face … the quizzical arch of an eyebrow, dazzeling eyes, the slight upturn of a smile that reveals a devastating dimple … simple things.

Tell me why it’s considered “wrong” when I look too long at one of these bedecked beauties for “too long”, a period of time that no one can accurately specify, I’m deemed to be a dirty old man. A lecher. A pervert. It’s the wrong message for my spongy brain. I think the ACLU should specify how long I can spend looking at one individual before being required to move my gaze to another person, or thing. It distresses me that this hasn’t been done. So, I make my own rules. I only look at pretty girls as long as I want, or until my pulse increases to 78 bpm. Diane gave me a little thing that attaches to my left arm that transmits to my iPhone. There’s an app for it that sounds a klaxon-type alarm to warn me it’s time to shift my gaze to something, or someone a lot more benign. Now, Diane doesn’t mind that I look. She just doesn’t want me dropping dead on the street. Considering the way some girls dress now days, that’s always a possibility. It’s down right scary at times.

Now, back to reality.

Last Thursday, Jack and Wynette stopped by so we could play with Wy’s new iPad. A side benefit of the visit was the new things I learned. I’d share them with you but I was cautioned, from many fronts, that none of it is appropriate for this venue. So, you will all just have to remain in the dark, or think about what Jack’s capable of and let your mind roam a little. Considering that, I have no idea why I was compelled to include this little bit of news other than to let you all know that we saw Jack and Wynette.

Then we went “camping” in the RV. Here’s where we parked, in the Northern regions of the Long Beach Peninsula …

We spent three nights there visiting with Doug, JP, Carolyn, Todd, and Sue, and we had the occasion to visit with Jack and Wynette two more times for meals because they were also in the vicinity, but in a fancy schmancy hotel on the beach. We had to drive to the beach.

The Long Beach Peninsula has approximately 20 miles of hard packed sand on which common vehicles can drive from one end to the other. We drove out there on Saturday to watch the sunset with Doug and JP.

We also drove to the golf course a couple of times where I hit some of the most incredible drives of my simple life. I also made some very interesting putts. In between, it wasn’t so good, ensuring that my 36 handicap is not in danger of dropping. Diane joined us with her brand new pink Wilson clubs, in their very pink bag. I was envious because they were so shiny and clean … and she played well. We quickly learned, however, that it’s best for spouses to ride in separate golf carts while golfing because one of them is bound to get mad at the other. So, she rode with JP, and I rode with Doug. It worked well and we had fun.

Yesterday we returned home and I have two days to get the following tasks completed before we head out again. This time we’re going to Big Eddy County Park, out near Vernonia, on Highway 47.

My ToDoList:

  1. Refinance the house
  2. Get a bid to re-roof the house
  3. Replace the brake calipers on the Subaru
  4. Mow the lawns
  5. Replace the points on the Old Chevy Truck so I can haul things to the dump and go get Jack’s and Wy’s pool table
  6. Move the piano and organ from the garage to the basement
  7. Move the pool table from Jack’s and Wy’s to our basement
  8. Make sure the hot tub chemicals are good to last through the weekend
  9. Get my high school class 50th Reunion book published. Wow! 50 years!

Not a long list, but all are necessary to ensure my right to continue living at this address.

Now I’m going to drink coffee. Hope everyone has a safe day.

5 thoughts on “Did You Miss Me?

  1. Yes I have missed you but was afraid to ask what happened to you cause no telling what you would tell me…Glad to see your back to your ole self…….Linda

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