Alarm Clocks & Opposing Thumbs

I hate alarm clocks, especially the mechanical or digital kinds. They are so invasive when they ignite, intruding into some really good dreams, dragging me back from the edge of a blissful event that I can never remember. It’s just terrible. A solution, of course, is to go to bed when the sun goes down, and get up when it does … like farmers. Those guys all have internal, biological alarm clocks developed from a life time of repetitive hard work and regular hours. Since I’m incapable of timing my sleep habits to the rotation of celestial bodies, I have to rely on something more reliable in order to meet my responsibilities for the coming day. Tapping in to a part of my brain that I don’t normally use, I found there a wee bit of creativity and forced myself to think about alarms clocks, and nothing else, for 5 minutes. The object was to determine which sound would result in someone immediately getting out of bed. I thought of all the sounds that annoy me and came up with the perfect idea … The Puking Cat Alarm … there’s just nothing quite like it. I don’t know about you, but personally, as soon as i hear that sound I’m up and running looking for the source.

Wouldn’t this wake you up?

Most days, as most of you know, the dogs function as my alarm, getting me up just before they have to pee, or whatever. They are creatures of habit, tied to the rotation of the sun and moon, and slaved to the level of food in their bowls. Lately we’ve been giving them soft food to augment the crunchy stuff they’ve been eating for years, and that’s a real motivator for them to nudge me from bed at the same time each morning. Ozzie is a half a pouch breakfast guy, saving the other half for an afternoon snack, while Panzee is a 2-3 cans kind of girl, if she had her way. It’s a quick breakfast for her and she always wants more, like most big dogs do. Bottom line, they have reasons to be up and moving at certain times of the day and, since they don’t have opposing thumbs, they need someone to open the can, or pouch, and open the door so they can frolick in the field.

Opposing thumbs will be the topic for a future entry here because I find them fascinating and just love those things!

Even though I dislike them, this morning I had to set an alarm. For 0530. My motivation was a promise  to Steffani that I would get up and make coffee before they embarked on another day of softball in Hillsboro. For these times, I use the Church Bell alarm on my iPad. It’s a gentle way to wake up, even if you don’t want to. When we’re on vacation, Diane uses her iPhone alarm, that sounds like a diving klaxon on a submarine, to get us up so the maid can make up the room. Sometimes she pretends we’re on vacation and sets it off just to see me jump from bed in a panic. It amuses her. That’s usually OK because I probably had to go to the bathroom anyway, and usually make it there with most of my bladder’s contents. I have no idea where the bit that’s missing goes. There must be magic involved there.


2 thoughts on “Alarm Clocks & Opposing Thumbs

  1. Can you tell by the information imparted that he didn’t sleep well last night? Dinner at 9 pm doesn’t agree with his clock system.

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