Weather Alert !

It’s early … 10 after 9 on a cold Sunday morning. I was up at 6:30 the first time and actually toyed with the concept of staying up. But, it was cold, foggy, and dreary, emphasizing the reality that all the weathermen, and weatherwomen lied to us again. It was supposed to be nice yesterday with a little rain in the afternoon, but it rained all day, and the ground is still wet this morning. Today it’s supposed to be in the 70’s, but it was 40 when I got up the first time and doesn’t look like it’s movng along very quickly.

I’m going to stop now to rest, and contemplate the remainder of this day. I’ll be back with something more meaningful this evening. Maybe.

It’s “later”, now. Church is done, we’re home, the sun is shining, there isn’t a cloud in the sky, and I’m amazed. All the sudden everything’s dry, too. I could mow the yard except Diane is sitting on the back porch making mud pies …

I think we’re going to have some more flowers to water on the porch, and a tomato plant outside the kitchen window … as soon as I dig up a spot for it. I should do that this afternoon before the baking sun turns the ground into a brick. It would be a good time for me to take advantage of this in between time, between squishie and hard, to edit my ditch a little more. Though it drains OK, it sags in the middle. consequently, it always has a little water remaining there after the flood subsides. So, I need to dig it a little deeper on the distant end, and possibly plumb the output to the drywell in the lower yard.

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It’s been hours since the sun started shining and I’m convinced it’s not ever going to quit. The heat is unbearable and it’s so bright I find myself constantly squinting. Squinting isn’t good because it’s a scientific fact that it causes termination of peripheral vision and shaves about 3 years off a normal life span. I believe the latter is the result of those who were squinting when they rounded a corner and either drove off a cliff, or into oncoming traffic. You will never ever hear a newsperson say that a wreck was caused by squinting because they don’t want people to know. It’s a form of population control and the government wants to keep it a secret. Take note the next time you watch the news and see if you can detect squint lines on any of the people posing for the cameras. If they have any lines on their face at all, it’s from smiling because they know this secret and you don’t.

Another serious hazard is blinking. Don’t get me wrong, it’s OK to blink. Actually, it’s really a good idea to blink, but you have to do it quickly. Prolonged blinks lead to naps and that’s another form of population control. When a reporter reports that “so and so” died because he fell asleep at the wheel, it’s a lie. The problem was that they just took an extra long blink. Or two. You may notice this when you’re talking to people, or when you’re at church. It’s OK to do it then because, technically, the “blinker” is still listening. They may not remember what was said, but they’re listening. I know this is true because I’ve spent a great deal of time researching this. What I discovered is that there are many situations where extra long blinking is acceptable, and other’s where anything above the normal milisecond is absolutely verboten. The most serious offense, in my experience, is when Diane is saying something to me. Even if what she’s saying doesn’t require an answer, or a solution. I do my best but most often fall a little short. OK, a lot short.

Thankfully, it’s still cool inside the house. In fact, it’s so cool that I’m considering changing out of my shorts, back into a whole pair of pants. It’s sweltering on the porch. Maybe I’ll just go halfway there.

I just called Lyle’s hospital room to see how things are going and had a nice long chat with a fellow named Jim. Apparently the hospital kicked Lyle out and installed Jim in his place. Jim sounded like he’s fine so I don’t know why he’s there. I should have asked, I guess, but thought it would be better if I called the Connecticut Cate home. Which I did.

Lyle isn’t feeling all that great but he’s happy to be home and reports that all the tests they’ve run, so far, have been negativer for cancer. They’re waiting for insurance approval to run one more nuclear test on some lymph nodes to see if they’re OK. I think it’s a rule that hospitals have to keep looking for stuff until they find it, whether or not you had it in the first place. We’ll know more about that later this week.

Lyle shared with me that he’s found a cure for crotch itch, not that any of you have that issue. But, if you do, Lyle said that applying Vicks Vapor Rub in the conflicted area is a marvelous solution. As with many things I learn, I had to run right to the East Wing of the house to give it a try, although I was not experiencing the affliction at the time. I applied it anyway and found it quite exhilarating in the extreme. It only burned for a short while then settled into a pleasant cool sensation that’s lasted, so far, for about three hours. The aroma is quite pleasing, too, as it clears my nasal passages nicely. I believe this method of using Vapor Rub for clearing sinuses is better than simply applying a bit to the inside of each nostril. It’s certainly more exciting. Thankfully, I did not have to urinate before I had a chance to wash the Vicks off my handsor it may have been more excitement that I could’ve handled. As it was, I think I only screamed like a little girl for a few seconds before catching myself and lowering it to a more manly moan and groan. I probably shouldn’t have applied it again so soon, I guess.

Now that we have all the health issues out of the way, I bid you adieu.

One thought on “Weather Alert !

  1. I know what u meant abt the weather. Was 38 at 5:30am with clear skies. Then at 9:00 when I left for church it was 41 and overcast. Didn’t get to 60 until 1 pm.
    Want to get my one tomato plant in the ground but afraid it will be to cold at night

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