Today I spent almost all day in our church office running off 70 copies of a 16 page report for the church’s annual meeting. Sounds simple, right? Perhaps for someone other than myself, that would be true. Generally, I don’t have problems with copy machines, and today really wasn’t any different. The problem is that the copier is very slow, and it kept interfering with the Sudoku game I was playing on my phone.
That’s another twist for me, too. Playing games on my phone! I used to make fun of people who did that. Now “I’m that guy!”
I mean, common! I’m almost 70 years old, for crimminy sakes. How did this happen? Phones, for me, have traditionally been a communication device. Then I got one with a camera. Shortly after that, I learned how to text on my Motorola Razor. I suspect that was the beginning of my transcendence into the group of people for whom cell phones are a lot less for communication than they are for entertainment. I’ve even been known to listen to music, for gosh sakes. I do all this stuff with my phone, and I find that I’m still behind the power curve with where all that technology is going.
Diane’s even ahead of me, here. When she gets into her car, her phone automatically connects to the audio system using Bluetooth. So, when her phone rings it’s on the car speakers. How cool is that? She answers with the push of a button on the steering wheel and has a jolly conversation with whoever’s calling. Sometimes it’s a wrong number, but that’s OK because it’s as if she’s talking to the car. Which she actually is.
Now I have a problem because we watched “The Bing Bang Theory” this evening. It’s one of our favorite shows. Raj, who cannot talk with girls, got an iPhone 4s and got real comfortable with Siri. Siri, for those of you hiding under a rock somewhere in Montana where there’s no cell phone towers, allows the phone owner to just talk to the phone to get what they want. Raj was so enamored with Siri that he started dating his phone. Pretty funny stuff. Now I want a phone with Siri, but I can’t have one until sometime next year when my current phone obligation expires. I really don’t see how I can possibly survive that long without getting one of those.
So, I started talking to the phone I have, and ancient iPhone 3Gs, and guess what! It kinda does what I tell it too. Like “Call Diane”. It was amazing, and sent a little sensuous thrill up my backbone. When it got to the base of my skull I briefly went blind in my right eye. I call it sensuous, but I have no frame of reference for what that means. I think I read it in a book.
I have an iPad, too, but I want to get an iPad2. Say that to someone who has their eyes closed and they’ll think you’re nuts. My iPad doesn’t take pictures. Perhaps by the time my 2-year obligation is up with AT&T there will be an iPad3 that makes phone calls. That would be totally awesome!
Back to the church … once all the pages were copied, Diane and I took the stacks to the church basement and started putting them together. There were two long tables pushed together so I spaced the 16 pages around them. Diane sat at the end of the line and accepted the collated bundle I handed her. Then she’d put a clip on the report and put it in her pile. I did this 70 times, and, according to the pedometer on my phone, walked almost a mile doing it. So, now you’re wondering why I just didn’t have the copier collate the reports, like most copiers do. Well, ours doesn’t. So there.
Gotta quit now. Diane just reported that Ziva, our big black dog, has been cleaning out our bathroom and bedside trash cans and has a Q-tip sticking out of her ass. I was wondering why I never had to empty those on garbage day.