St. Helens Under Attack

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It’s finally happened. With the onset of summer, Portland People have invaded the sleepy hamlet of St. Helens causing the need for support from local National Guard troops. They began patrolling the streets last Saturday to ensure the tranquility of this river town is not overcome by late night revelers who swarmed the public docks with their big fancy boats. Local merchants are not bothered are supporting a petition to disband the Guard and let the revelers be citing that there have been no arrests in the past three days and only six local residents have been injured. So far.

This is, of course totally untrue, a figment of my imagination, a fabrication. The picture was taken at the Kiwanis Parade.