Monthly Archives: November 2025

Letters to Diane – 5

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Time has changed for me. Minutes have become hours, hours in turn become days and days take forever. even with everything going so slowly, I cannot accomplish anything. I just sit in my chair reliving my past with Max in my lap. He anchors me in place. As I sit I drift in out of sleep, semi-aware of the activities going on around me.

Today I did get the garbage cans retrieved from the street and refilled them immediately with garbage gathered just yesterday. That’s going to make it difficult to make it to next Monday without creating another pile of garbage. The only solution is for us to eat the garbage. That’s more than disgusting so it’s not an option. We will have to define a way to eat meals without making garbage during the process.

Enough about garbage.

When Max and I walk around the block we pass by a yard with interesting toadstools. They began as orange balls emerging from the grass then changed to these.

Now, Monday is done. The empty hole in my heart grows bigger. Perhaps the slow passing of time for me is necessary for me to process this loss.

Letters to Diane – 4

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It’s Sunday morning. The house is unusually quiet but it’s a welcome peacefulness The busy day we had yesterday was one of the hardest days of our lives, but we endured.

First, the simple act of waking up was tough knowing what the rest of the day held i store for us. You’re gone from us, but you are still very much alive within us. That was made evident by the people who showed up for your service yesterday. I don’t think anyone counted them. It wasn’t necessary. The church was full of people who love you and that was good.

There were very few people that I didn’t recognize but they filled in my memory gaps as they passed out of the church. Your Bunco Babes were there, as well as the PT Cruisers, and the Old Winnowbago Guys. I can’t categorize all the groups who were there right now, but the final view I had was a large group of folks who love you. The affiliation wasn’t as important as their presence.

After Pastor Ingrid got the service going our brave daughter made her way to the lectern and shared her memories of you. She was very brave and has assumed the matriarchal duties of our family with style. She really good at it. I know you already know this, but it still has to be said.

After Jennie, I found myself standing at the lectern, totally unprepared for the reason I was there. I had a couple pages of notes, but they just didn’t seem adequate enough for me to share my feelings about you. So, being true to myself, and you, I just winged it. Unless someone was recording my efforts those words are lost because I have no idea what I said. I rest comfortably, however, in the belief that let everyone know how important you are to me and pretty much everyone who’s heart you touched.

No matter where I go, I see and I feel the comfort of your touch beside me. As we walk, it’s so easy to feel our hands find each other and clasp together like we’ve done so many times before.

From the serious side of things, my mind wanders off to inappropriate areas where I asked Lydia if it’s too soon to start dating again. When I said that I was amazed about how wide she can open her eyes before realizing I was kidding, something I do a lot. It’s a defense mechanism and it changes the atmosphere very quickly.

As I continue to walk aimlessly through the remainder of my life I will be on alert for your touch.

I Love You.

Letters to Diane – 3

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After I closed out the previous letter, I realized that I failed to mention our success with Halloween visitors. Jennie provided a huge bowl of candy because it never occurred to me that we’d need any. It’s good that she did because we had lots of visitors. The “Littles” of course, and Baylee showed up, too. It was good to see them all. I let kids take hands full to see what would happen and most of them were polite and not greedy. One of them said, “I’ll just take one,” and he did. I was impressed.

Today is November 6th which means I’ve failed miserably with my desire to write one letter a day. Maybe when things calm down a bit after Saturday I can get back on track. At this point in time I’m just wandering around in a fog with no clear destination in site.

This entire week, so far, has been filled with sitting in the living room, Lydia by my side, watching some really questionable movies and eating. People keep bringing us food so eating is a must. Movies make time pass.

Today we are going to Costco for things Jennie needs. She’s been busy building a photo board of Diane. We have tons of photos for her and she keeps ordering more from Walgreens.

Yesterday a small package showed up in the mail addressed to Diane. Unless Amazon is available in Heaven this was obviously something that was backordered. She will be happy to learn that it arrived.

It’s been raining most of the time which suits my mood just right. I’m not as sad as I think I should be and that bothers me. I say I’m not lonely because Lydia is with me every day, but I am.

I trust things will get better with time.

it is now 1406 and Lydia and I successfully returned from our shopping trip to Costco. I’m happy to report that I didn’t run into anything going or coming. That’s the furthest I”ve driven the truck in a couple of years. I’m real proud of myself, I am. The only thing extra I got was a jar of cashews. Everything else was on Jennie’s list.

That’s enough for today.

Letters to Diane – 2

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Hello, my Love. It’s Saturday here and football games rule the airways. Since no team playing interests, me, I just skip around channels, avoiding commercials. Keeps me entertained. You wouldn’t like any of them, except the Oregon Beavers. You have it set to record. I watched it for you and they won. It was their second win of the season. They aren’t doing very well.

It’s been raining hard lately but the creek still hasn’t gone up much. I keep expecting it to at least get up around the big boulders along the bank, but it doesn’t.

Having Lydia live with me was a great idea. Max thinks so, too. She sits in your chair so it’s very comforting for me, almost like you’re still here. We even watch the kind of movies you like, like spy stuff, and women who do well in bar fights. We watch a movie every evening.

Your memorial will be next Thursday, November 8th at 1100. Jennie has everything planned. The only thing left is your eulogy. I tried to write one but wound up telling a story about your life with me in the Navy.

I’m kinda stuck here so will quit for today.

I love you and miss you. I’d be very happy if you could figure out a way to send me responses so I can ask specific questions. Like, where did you put all the hot pads? Stuff like that.

Ok. Gonna go.