Today on the news we learned that Barbara Walters recently fell, bumped her head, and got chicken pox. All of this concerns me because I bump my head a lot and, to my knowledge, I’ve never had chicken pox. Luckily I don’t fall often, so that takes one of the elements out of play.

I wonder, however, how bumping ones’ head could bring on a case of chicken pox. Perhaps it’s the combination of falling and bumping ones’ head, not bumping ones’ head all by itself, like walking into a cupboard door, or a really low door jam. Something like that. Just sayin. I always thought it was caused by a virus so I wasn’t prepared to learn that falling and/or bumping your head could bring it on. There’s nothing about that in any of the books I’ve read, or the research I’ve done on the internet. Maybe Barbara Walters is a special case. Maybe what happened to her was only a coincidence. No one on TV is talking about it – just a brief mention on the evening news, then …. NOTHING! They just left me hanging out there. I want to see pictures of all of Barbara’s poxes. C’mon.

Because of all these new fears I have about catching chicken pox I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life either in bed, or on the couch. If things go OK for the next week or so I might make it into the Man Room to sit at my computer.

No, I’ll just sit here on the couch with my laptop. That will work until the battery dies. When that happens I’ll have to ask Diane to get me the charger for it. And to plug it in. If she’s feeling OK, she might do that. Then again, she might find a reason to get mad at me and tell me “no”. That’s probably what she’ll do. Then I’ll get mad and say something stupid. She’ll yell at me for absolutely no reason, and I’ll wind up having to call a lawyer.

Then she’ll really get mad and I’ll have to sleep on the floor. Of the old Winnebago.

After not sleeping all night I’ll get up and walk to Bugerville for breakfast, unless I forgot my wallet in the house. That’s where the car keys are, too, which is why I must walk. It’s a long way away and I’ll be very tired when I get there. All the way there I’ll be terrified of falling down and bumping my head and getting chicken pox. That would be really, really bad because if I caught chicken pox on the way to Burgerville they probably wouldn’t let me in.

Then I’d be hungry all day, wandering around town with the pox breaking out all over, people staring, little kids pointing at me until, finally, the bars open and I stumble into the Past Time tavern. It will be noon. Time for a beer.

Since I don’t drink beer the first one will make me dizzy and I’ll fall off the bar stool, bump my head and get a double-dose of the pox. When the bartender comes around to drag me out of the place he sees I have two cases of chicken pox, screams and runs, urging the other patron to follow him. She does, after finishing her drink. On the way out she kicks me because I’ve ruined her day she had planned that included drinking herself silly and picking up some strange guy, who she thought was going to be me when I stumbled into the place. She kicked me because of all that. How was I to know?

Suddenly, my phone rings. I’d forgotten that it was in my hip pocket. That’s where I carry it, like a teen age girl. It’s comfy. I look at it and see it’s Diane calling. It scares me because I know she’s going to be mad since I didn’t have permission to leave the property. I answer it anyway. She asks me where I am, stating that she’s searched everywhere for me and is scared that I’ve bumped my head and caught chicken pox.

Sadly, I must report that such is the case … then I realize I’m still sitting on the couch and she’s sitting right next to me where she belongs. I pull up my sleeves and hem of my shirt to confirm that I really don’t have chicken pox because none of that really happened. When she asks what I’m doing I tell her I thought a spider was crawling on me. Thankfully, she buys it and we continue with out evening of TV.

On another note, Jack and Wynette stopped by this afternoon. It was really great to see them. The last time we did that was when we went to Arizona. They drove up last week so Jack could talk with his doctor. Apparently his doctor doesn’t have long distance because the appointment was via a local call, not in person.

Now I must stop.