This morning, around 6:30am (0630 for you military types), the moon was partially shut off for about 1.5 hours to save power. The government decided 8 months ago that they were going to do this if certain measures weren’t taken by USA inhabitants to curtail their unending overuse of power production facilities.
“Why,” said one prominent senator, “the average citizen has no idea how much power is consumed to illuminate the moon on clear nights. No, they just fire up all their danged electronical gadgets without a care, not knowing that they are helping deprive some poor, starved South African citizen of just a little bit of the moon’s glow. Now it’s come to this!”
The senator refused to be named and was wearing a moon globe over his head to hide his identity. He got into a vehicle with Kansas license plates. I, personally, find that last bit unremarkable because the news report was from Wichita.
Since the dimming moon was, essentially, a power outage no one was surprised that 850,000 women were immediately inseminated as they are with any kind of power outage. Some of the inseminees reported that it happened so quickly they were unaware that an inseminer was involved. “I was just sitting in my rocking chair, playing sudoku, John was on his way to the bathroom, the moon went out and, BAM!, I was inseminated! John didn’t know what happened, either, as he was flung to the floor with great force,” reported one newly inseminated mother of 12.
I always thought insemination was a physical act but, apparently, it’s really associated with electricity in some manner, and how bright the moon is at any given moment. I’ve since learned that locations where the sun & moon rarely shine have a much higher insemination rate than do places when the sun & moon are readily available for viewing, many times both at the same time.
Because of all these new revelations whirling around in my head, I’ve decided to make it my life’s goal to find out who that moon-headed senator from Kansas is and petition him to work on legislation that requires all weathermen, in the world, report nothing but good news regarding the weather. If they tell everyone it’s going to be nice and cozy everywhere, we all know that will happen because the weather does just exactly what they report it will. If they say it’s going to be cold, it’s cold. So, all they have to do is say it’s going to be warm and that everyone needs to plant their palm trees. Not only will this enhance global warming, it will reduce the expanding population because the sun & moon will always be visible. Certain locations would have to remain in the dark, however, to ensure potential inseminees have a place to go should inseminational urges overtake rational behavior. But they would need a visa. The only inseminators in these locations are those who took too many viagaras and find themselves in a permanently turgid state. Therefore, insemination will take as much, or little, time as the inseminee wishes to expend on the effort. In a clinical trial using this method, it was reported that some inseminees remained in the controlled territory for an average of 6 hours, and 3% never return.
I read that report 4 times and still don’t understand what its supposed to mean.
Back to the eclipse … Diane set her alarm for 0600 so we could get up and watch it. She also set it to 0430, but I was the only one to hear it. I didn’t get up then. I waited. We got up and bundled up in warm clothes as it was only about eleventy degrees outside, then went in the yard to watch. Complicating this was all the motion floodlights that come on when something walks though our yard. We had to shade our eyes to see the moon clearly. And we stood there, watching. It’s a real slow process. We watched some more, then the dogs finally decided it was OK to go back in the house. That made us happy so we fed them. Watching an eclipse isn’t high on my list of exciting things to do. Looking once is good. Watching isn’t recommended.
Now the sun is up, we think, but it’s hiding behind an overcast. The weather people say it’s going to rain tomorrow so we need to start waterproofing everything.